I feel somewhat unique in my view towards suicide.

[9amar]

i don't think that i have to die to escape something, or that i have no other options.
i can do a lot of things to improve myself and my life, and things can get much better for me.

But i'm not particularly interested in those pursuits, nor am i interested in becoming interested....in becoming interested ad infinitum.
i am happy with myself, and my pursuit of suicide, i don't wanna pursue anything else, nor to start wanting to want anything else, add infinitum again.

i hope i can make it happen soon, do you feel the same way ? how are your views different ?

 

[pain6batch9]

So what is the reason you want to die?
Are you saying you have no reason?
If so, than why die at all? Why not live?

Maybe I'm being dense. I don't understand.

 

[9amar]

So what is the reason you want to die?
Are you saying you have no reason?
If so, than why die at all? Why not live?

Maybe I'm being dense. I don't understand.

i am not particularly interested in being alive, being conscious
and as i said, i'm happy with wanting and pursuing suicide, and so i do.

 

[pain6batch9]

i am not particularly interested in being alive, being conscious
and as i said, i'm happy with wanting and pursuing suicide, and so i do.

Awesome. So all the people on here with actual problems, real suffering, going though unbelievable trauma, who have a real reason to want to end it, can now contrast themselves with someone who wants to die because they're 'disinterested' in life? Glad you cleared that up.

 

[wCvML2]

This sentiment is not uncommon, it's a part of suicidal ideation. it's just usually on its own not enough to overcome survival instinct.

 

[pthnrdnojvsc]

i don't think that i have to die to escape something, or that i have no other options.
i can do a lot of things to improve myself and my life, and things can get much better for me.

But i'm not particularly interested in those pursuits, nor am i interested in becoming interested....in becoming interested ad infinitum.
i am happy with myself, and my pursuit of suicide, i don't wanna pursue anything else, nor to start wanting to want anything else, add infinitum again.

i hope i can make it happen soon, do you feel the same way ? how are your views different ?

i don't want anything in this evil life and evil world

no one can tell me why i have to want to live or to want to do anything

nothing matters

The only thing that matters is me avoiding unbearable pain, or extreme suffering or extreme torture

I want to reach non-existence forever asap

Awesome. So all the people on here with actual problems, real suffering, going though unbelievable trauma, who have a real reason to want to end it, can now contrast themselves with someone who wants to die because they're 'disinterested' in life? Glad you cleared that up.

Why should the OP or I not have the choice to exit this hell if we want to for any reason? it's no one else's business what we do in our own lives. Plus we all will die anyway. you nor anyone can't tell me why I have to live or have to want to live a while longer

 

[Unspoken7612]

Awesome. So all the people on here with actual problems, real suffering, going though unbelievable trauma, who have a real reason to want to end it, can now contrast themselves with someone who wants to die because they're 'disinterested' in life? Glad you cleared that up.

This forum is a bastion for expressing all sorts of taboo thoughts about suicide. Sometimes people's reasons for wanting to die will be very different to yours.

Let's try to not tear people down for having "bad" reasons. I think it is obvious OP didn't make their post to make you or anyone else feel bad.

 

[pain6batch9]

Okay, yeah, I understand, not every person will have the same reason. I also understand people have the right to do with their lives whatever they desire. We're on the same page here mostly.

My comment came across as crass and insensitive. I could have explained myself in a more level-headed way I suppose, if the OP was offended, I apologize.

I get frustrated with the wave of death that hits you on here, I've noticed. And while I absolutely support the right and indeed, sometimes the desire to do what they think needs to be done, it occurs to me that there is a disparity between what people will think is a good reason, what people will think is a bad reason and finally, those that have no reason at all. This is not within my right, to tell people what they should or should not do. I know this. If this was the message received, again I'm sorry, but that was not the intent. It was especially not the intent to 'tear' anyone down. Heaven knows we get enough of that in the real world. My incompetent way of highlighting my point here was somewhat misguided.

I'm just frustrated with the tide of shite, which I'm trying and desperately failing to hold back and not just in my own mind.

Maybe this: I'm one of those people that needs to find the answer, that needs a reason for something. Like a mathematical model. (Except I'm useless at maths.) Example: This faulty plug socket caused the fire. The bridge fell down because this stanchion failed. The aircraft crashed because this on-board system failed. You get the picture.

I posed this question to myself in the interim: Does everything have to have a reason?
Shit, look, if any of you can answer this, I'd appreciate it.

And again; the frustration got away from me there, I'm very sorry.

 

[FuneralCry]

In my case I'd never be interested in existence no matter what, I find experiencing anything at all to be completely undesirable, I simply wish to never exist again. But anyway I wish you all the best, I hope you find what you search for.

 

[9amar]

In my case I'd never be interested in existence no matter what, I find experiencing anything at all to be completely undesirable, I simply wish to never exist again. But anyway I wish you all the best, I hope you find what you search for.

yes i relate strongly to this

 

[offbalance]

i don't think that i have to die to escape something, or that i have no other options.
i can do a lot of things to improve myself and my life, and things can get much better for me.

But i'm not particularly interested in those pursuits, nor am i interested in becoming interested....in becoming interested ad infinitum.
i am happy with myself, and my pursuit of suicide, i don't wanna pursue anything else, nor to start wanting to want anything else, add infinitum again.

i hope i can make it happen soon, do you feel the same way ? how are your views different ?

Yes I relate, posted a whole thread on it myself haha. I'm just worried it's not enough to overcome SI. But there's a certain kind of emptiness and dread that comes with this perspective that makes life to be a lot of endless suffering, so maybe we will both eventually overcome SI. It's like you gotta be completely sure this perspective (preference?) won't change

 

[2messdup]

i don't think that i have to die to escape something, or that i have no other options.
i can do a lot of things to improve myself and my life, and things can get much better for me.

But i'm not particularly interested in those pursuits, nor am i interested in becoming interested....in becoming interested ad infinitum.
i am happy with myself, and my pursuit of suicide, i don't wanna pursue anything else, nor to start wanting to want anything else, add infinitum again.

i hope i can make it happen soon, do you feel the same way ? how are your views different ?

I get it. Had a version of this discussion with my mental health worker yesterday. His reason given for people to continue living was that we lived to suffer. That was my reason not to live. We ran out of time and agreed to disagree lol

 

[Gustav Hartmann]

Life is not ineresting out of itself, therfore evolution created the survival instinct. I would say, you have a very weak survival instinct, enviable.

 

[Plentiful_Despair]

Awesome. So all the people on here with actual problems, real suffering, going though unbelievable trauma, who have a real reason to want to end it, can now contrast themselves with someone who wants to die because they're 'disinterested' in life? Glad you cleared that up.

Why are you trying to gatekeep suicide? Any reason to commit suicide is valid as long as the person wants to do it. This is not a contest of "who is suffering more". I feel kinda the same as OP. I could do so many things to stay alive, but for what? Life is not interesting to me, nothing that society values is valuable to me.

I get it. Had a version of this discussion with my mental health worker yesterday. His reason given for people to continue living was that we lived to suffer. That was my reason not to live. We ran out of time and agreed to disagree lol

Thats some retarded Jordan Peterson reasoning, that mf also says everyone needs to suffer to be happy. Insanity

 

[pain6batch9]

 

[SoulWhisperer]

The reason I am pursuing this path is because I am broken inside, dead inside and everything has been falling apart for several years now, with no sign of ever improving. I can't quite define what else I feel, it's all fear of being wrong or similar mixed with confused feelings I don't understand at all.

 

[Unspoken7612]

Okay, yeah, I understand, not every person will have the same reason. I also understand people have the right to do with their lives whatever they desire. We're on the same page here mostly.

My comment came across as crass and insensitive. I could have explained myself in a more level-headed way I suppose, if the OP was offended, I apologize.

I get frustrated with the wave of death that hits you on here, I've noticed. And while I absolutely support the right and indeed, sometimes the desire to do what they think needs to be done, it occurs to me that there is a disparity between what people will think is a good reason, what people will think is a bad reason and finally, those that have no reason at all. This is not within my right, to tell people what they should or should not do. I know this. If this was the message received, again I'm sorry, but that was not the intent. It was especially not the intent to 'tear' anyone down. Heaven knows we get enough of that in the real world. My incompetent way of highlighting my point here was somewhat misguided.

I'm just frustrated with the tide of shite, which I'm trying and desperately failing to hold back and not just in my own mind.

Maybe this: I'm one of those people that needs to find the answer, that needs a reason for something. Like a mathematical model. (Except I'm useless at maths.) Example: This faulty plug socket caused the fire. The bridge fell down because this stanchion failed. The aircraft crashed because this on-board system failed. You get the picture.

I posed this question to myself in the interim: Does everything have to have a reason?
Shit, look, if any of you can answer this, I'd appreciate it.

And again; the frustration got away from me there, I'm very sorry.

Excellent post, which speaks volumes about the strong content of your character.

I happen to believe that everything has a reason, it's just not necessarily a reason we can pin down. We are complex, chaotic systems.

 

[cryptoinvestor]

i am not particularly interested in being alive, being conscious
and as i said, i'm happy with wanting and pursuing suicide, and so i do.

Reminds me of lyrics from the song "Feel" by Robbie Williams

I don't wanna die
But I ain't keen on living either
Before I fall in love
I'm preparing to leave her
I scare myself to death
That's why I keep on running
Before I've arrived, I can see myself coming

 

[2messdup]

Okay, yeah, I understand, not every person will have the same reason. I also understand people have the right to do with their lives whatever they desire. We're on the same page here mostly.

My comment came across as crass and insensitive. I could have explained myself in a more level-headed way I suppose, if the OP was offended, I apologize.

I get frustrated with the wave of death that hits you on here, I've noticed. And while I absolutely support the right and indeed, sometimes the desire to do what they think needs to be done, it occurs to me that there is a disparity between what people will think is a good reason, what people will think is a bad reason and finally, those that have no reason at all. This is not within my right, to tell people what they should or should not do. I know this. If this was the message received, again I'm sorry, but that was not the intent. It was especially not the intent to 'tear' anyone down. Heaven knows we get enough of that in the real world. My incompetent way of highlighting my point here was somewhat misguided.

I'm just frustrated with the tide of shite, which I'm trying and desperately failing to hold back and not just in my own mind.

Maybe this: I'm one of those people that needs to find the answer, that needs a reason for something. Like a mathematical model. (Except I'm useless at maths.) Example: This faulty plug socket caused the fire. The bridge fell down because this stanchion failed. The aircraft crashed because this on-board system failed. You get the picture.

I posed this question to myself in the interim: Does everything have to have a reason?
Shit, look, if any of you can answer this, I'd appreciate it.

And again; the frustration got away from me there, I'm very sorry.

Awesome. So all the people on here with actual problems, real suffering, going though unbelievable trauma, who have a real reason to want to end it, can now contrast themselves with someone who wants to die because they're 'disinterested' in life? Glad you cleared that up.

Just so you know, symptoms of boredom and emptiness are common in people with BPD and can be overwhelming and painful and a common reason for impulsive risky behaviours including ctb.I don't know if that is the case for the OP but it's not for you to judge. Your comments were far worse than crass and insensitive. You dismissed the suffering of someone driven to want to ctb. Your use of the words "actual problems, real suffering, going through unbelievable trauma who had a real reason...." is so horribly judgemental and uneducated/ignorant. Don't you dare try to dismiss the harm you did by saying you got a bit frustrated. You have effectively said that the OP and any others feeling the same way aren't really suffering compared to your judgement of what real suffering is. Maybe post a proper apology and educate yourself before you post anywhere again. I'm so upset and angry I'm having to really choose my words carefully. Perhaps try to imagine what I'd really like to say to you.

Why are you trying to gatekeep suicide? Any reason to commit suicide is valid as long as the person wants to do it. This is not a contest of "who is suffering more". I feel kinda the same as OP. I could do so many things to stay alive, but for what? Life is not interesting to me, nothing that society values is valuable to me.

Thats some retarded Jordan Peterson reasoning, that mf also says everyone needs to suffer to be happy. Insanity

I think I had him stumped because it's just common sense, logical. If life is suffering, and there's no pleasure why do it? I hate it when I go that far discussing it with them because most MH workers have some history and I'm always worried I'll bring them to the dark side.

 

[eden101]

boredom? i can understand that.

 

[pain6batch9]

Just so you know, symptoms of boredom and emptiness are common in people with BPD and can be overwhelming and painful and a common reason for impulsive risky behaviours including ctb.I don't know if that is the case for the OP but it's not for you to judge. Your comments were far worse than crass and insensitive. You dismissed the suffering of someone driven to want to ctb. Your use of the words "actual problems, real suffering, going through unbelievable trauma who had a real reason...." is so horribly judgemental and uneducated/ignorant. Don't you dare try to dismiss the harm you did by saying you got a bit frustrated. You have effectively said that the OP and any others feeling the same way aren't really suffering compared to your judgement of what real suffering is. Maybe post a proper apology and educate yourself before you post anywhere again. I'm so upset and angry I'm having to really choose my words carefully. Perhaps try to imagine what I'd really like to say to you.

You want to talk? DM me.

You made a number of assumptions here. I haven't got the time or inclination to go through them in detail. But they include, assuming the OP has BPD, they don't say that in the post.

 

[2messdup]

You want to talk? DM me.

You made a number of assumptions here. I haven't got the time or inclination to go through them in detail. But they include, assuming the OP has BPD, they don't say that in the post.

I d

I

You want to talk? DM me.

You made a number of assumptions here. I haven't got the time or inclination to go through them in detail. But they include, assuming the OP has BPD, they don't say that in the post.

I didn't assume they had bpd

I

You want to talk? DM me.

You made a number of assumptions here. I haven't got the time or inclination to go through them in detail. But they include, assuming the OP has BPD, they don't say that in the post.

I didn't assume they had bpd

I

You want to talk? DM me.

You made a number of assumptions here. I haven't got the time or inclination to go through them in detail. But they include, assuming the OP has BPD, they don't say that in the post.

I didn't assume they had bpd

I

You want to talk? DM me.

You made a number of assumptions here. I haven't got the time or inclination to go through them in detail. But they include, assuming the OP has BPD, they don't say that in the post.

I didn't assume they had bpd

You want to talk? DM me.

You made a number of assumptions here. I haven't got the time or inclination to go through them in detail. But they include, assuming the OP has BPD, they don't say that in the post.

Read what I said. I did not assume the op had bpd. You don't have the time or inclination to put right what you said? What a very important person you must be. Enough already. I'm not discussing this any more. We'll just leave this here for others to judge.

You want to talk? DM me.

You made a number of assumptions here. I haven't got the time or inclination to go through them in detail. But they include, assuming the OP has BPD, they don't say that in the post.

Read what I said. I did not assume the op had bpd. You don't have the time or inclination to put right what you said? What a very important person you must be. Enough already. I'm not discussing this any more. We'll just leave this here for others to judge.

 

[Unknown21]

i don't think that i have to die to escape something, or that i have no other options.
i can do a lot of things to improve myself and my life, and things can get much better for me.

But i'm not particularly interested in those pursuits, nor am i interested in becoming interested....in becoming interested ad infinitum.
i am happy with myself, and my pursuit of suicide, i don't wanna pursue anything else, nor to start wanting to want anything else, add infinitum again.

i hope i can make it happen soon, do you feel the same way ? how are your views different ?

Unlike you, I have to end my life unfortunately. I wish there was a chance to live a better life. But life is not for everyone and I believe in that. I wish you luck anyway.

i don't think that i have to die to escape something, or that i have no other options.
i can do a lot of things to improve myself and my life, and things can get much better for me.

But i'm not particularly interested in those pursuits, nor am i interested in becoming interested....in becoming interested ad infinitum.
i am happy with myself, and my pursuit of suicide, i don't wanna pursue anything else, nor to start wanting to want anything else, add infinitum again.

i hope i can make it happen soon, do you feel the same way ? how are your views different ?

Unlike you, I have to end my life unfortunately. I wish there was a chance to live a better life. But life is not for everyone and I believe in that. I wish you luck anyway.

 

[ijustwishtodie]

I think that my views on suicide are somewhat unique as many people see suicide as a last resort but I see it as a preferred choice. In my case, there's no way to get better because my issue is with life itself and the things which humans are forced to do (such as work and responsibilities). Most suicidal people want to live and be like a normie but I simply don't want to live at all. A lot of suicidal people see death as a bad thing but I see it as being beautiful and blissful

 

[SteamaHorns]

i don't think that i have to die to escape something, or that i have no other options.
i can do a lot of things to improve myself and my life, and things can get much better for me.

But i'm not particularly interested in those pursuits, nor am i interested in becoming interested....in becoming interested ad infinitum.
i am happy with myself, and my pursuit of suicide, i don't wanna pursue anything else, nor to start wanting to want anything else, add infinitum again.

i hope i can make it happen soon, do you feel the same way ? how are your views different ?

I relate heavily to these sentiments but personally still feel some level of frustration that I don't 'desire the desire' enough. Are you open with revealing if you yourself have ever felt frustration or any kind of negative emotion towards your inability to develop enough of a push to pursue anything in the past?

 

[9amar]

I relate heavily to these sentiments but personally still feel some level of frustration that I don't 'desire the desire' enough. Are you open with revealing if you yourself have ever felt frustration or any kind of negative emotion towards your inability to develop enough of a push to pursue anything in the past?

well not particularly, i was a different person in the past, very resilient if i do say so myself. i did quite a lot of amazing things in my youth. and i wanted to achieve many an amazing thing too, regardless of the struggles towards it. but i changed, events that were put in motion by so many people to lock me into the life of misery i was set upon, who knows why people a many spend so much time and effort coordinating such events, just to harm another person.

younger me was certainly upset, that it was so easy to do well by me, yet all chose to harm me, or be complicit in my harming.

but i don't hold those grudges....nor do i want to hold them or want to want to hold them ad infinitum (i hate making these clarifications so much)
and i don't desire the pleasure or fulfillment of living that i once did....nor do i want to want it....

but in the end, i'm now okay with the person i turned out to be, and i never wish to be any other way, or to want any other thing....or to want to want it (goddamit)

hopefully i can achieve my goal of dying soon, a goal i want to achieve, and want to want to achieve it.

 

[skylight7]

i don't think that i have to die to escape something, or that i have no other options.
i can do a lot of things to improve myself and my life, and things can get much better for me.

But i'm not particularly interested in those pursuits, nor am i interested in becoming interested....in becoming interested ad infinitum.
i am happy with myself, and my pursuit of suicide, i don't wanna pursue anything else, nor to start wanting to want anything else, add infinitum again.

i hope i can make it happen soon, do you feel the same way ? how are your views different ?

i don't think that i have to die to escape something, or that i have no other options.
i can do a lot of things to improve myself and my life, and things can get much better for me.

But i'm not particularly interested in those pursuits, nor am i interested in becoming interested....in becoming interested ad infinitum.
i am happy with myself, and my pursuit of suicide, i don't wanna pursue anything else, nor to start wanting to want anything else, add infinitum again.

i hope i can make it happen soon, do you feel the same way ? how are your views different ?

Thank you for your post. This is exactly how I feel but didn't know how to express it.

 

[brokeandbroken]

i don't think that i have to die to escape something, or that i have no other options.
i can do a lot of things to improve myself and my life, and things can get much better for me.

But i'm not particularly interested in those pursuits, nor am i interested in becoming interested....in becoming interested ad infinitum.
i am happy with myself, and my pursuit of suicide, i don't wanna pursue anything else, nor to start wanting to want anything else, add infinitum again.

i hope i can make it happen soon, do you feel the same way ? how are your views different ?

For me CTBing would 100,000% be a means of escape. I have done pretty much everything I can to help myself and it just doesn't matter. I've had everything stolen from me plain and simple including just general opportunities in life. My life right now. Isn't thriving or any close. It's surviving pure and simple. I don't want to just survive. I worked my ass off to have everything stolen, I have no opportunities in life, and I'm just generally treated like shit. I need an escape. CTBing if it comes to that would be that escape.

 

[Chronicallyunwell]

God this hurts me so much as someone who is fighting for their life with chronic pain and infection. Just go and live your life and do something with it please.

 

[9amar]

God this hurts me so much as someone who is fighting for their life with chronic pain and infection. Just go and live your life and do something with it please.

i don't really want to ? (or want to want to ad infinitum)
i'm not sure i mentioned this but i don't want people to give me one liner demands here. please and thank you