i feel sometimes i’m faking that i’m suicidal

[drained999]

why is it so hard for me to just do it? so many people commit suicide every day without second thoughts or hesitations. i have so many good, valid reasons to die.

life is unbearably painful for me. if someone was in my position they'll would have committed a long time ago.

so why can't i just do it? i want to end this misery so fkn bad. i genuinely don't want to be here. i have been dead inside for long time. just existing. i feel like i'm stuck in nightmare loop i can't get out of.

 

[UKscotty]

It takes each of us different times to become ready. Also, suicide is the absolute last resort remember.

Saying we want to CTB, hate life etc are just thoughts. Carrying out the act is very different.

I think we have to be gentle on ourselves. Suicide is both the easiest thing and most difficult thing for a human to do.

Physically we all know a piece of cord will knock us out and kill us in seconds. Mentally being ready to do that can take many years.

 

[melancholymallory03]

why is it so hard for me to just do it? so many people commit suicide every day without second thoughts or hesitations. i have so many good, valid reasons to die.

life is unbearably painful for me. if someone was in my position they'll would have committed a long time ago.

so why can't i just do it? i want to end this misery so fkn bad. i genuinely don't want to be here. i have been dead inside for long time. just existing. i feel like i'm stuck in nightmare loop i can't get out of.

I'm sorry you're experiencing this.

for me , I always sought to ctb out of complete desperation in the past, some of my attempts have been violent and impulsive against myself. So I then worked on planning and acceptance , I think the question you could ask yourself is maybe do you accept dying? Are you afraid of dying , and what comes after? If not , who is holding you back? Do you have loose ends you want to tie ? Are you young/old?

All these things are factors that can influence you actually completely the act successful .
Now I don't know the percentage of people who commit based on impulse vs planning but if you're anything like me I had many attempts unplanned … for good reasons …and out of extreme pain like you're describing , but this might be the problem. Ctb can't come from pain, it should come from peaceful acceptance and personal readiness ….

We - I realized when you come down from these episodes it's normal I suppose to feel " strange " and a bit " confused" about one's own intentions.could be a reason you're feeling like you're faking it ,
If I were you I'd focus on asking yourself more questions to explore your readiness , and what is really driving you, if it's not really about you, and more to do with others . Tie those loose ends

I wish you peace, safety , comfort

 

[Forever Sleep]

You're not alone at all. There are loads of people who live with ideation for years, even decades.

It's not an easy thing to do. It's made to be as risky and dangerous as possible by our societies who want to keep everyone alive. It's natural to fear doing something that could potentially cause yourself a lot of pain and fear and may well not even work and cause life-long debilitating complications.

Plus- it's the unknown. Most people fear change and the unknown. We're wired to fear death too. We're basically trying to go against every rule there is- natural laws of survival, societal and familial guilt trips trying to oblige us to stick around and not devastate our loved ones, religious ideas that scare monger us into worrying about punishment in an afterlife or reincarnation. There's a lot conceptually to get over in the decision and then you have the natural fear of the act itself.