Venting I feel so trapped

[deepdive]

I want to ctb and do so by SN but I was convinced by someone to get rid of my SN quite a while ago so I don't have any and I regret that so much. The source I had is no longer available and I cant find another. Not only that, but when I tried to get meto, it ended in me in a mental hospital because I gave in when they asked about my mental health (In part due to the person previously mentioned) in hopes that it would help. It didnt. At the time I still had a bit of a desire to live, but that was 2 years ago now.

I have no desire to live but I don't know how to ctb. There is a building I think I could jump from (14 stories up) but I don't like A.) the risk and B.) how it could hurt others. I want to go on my own in private.

 

[FuneralCry]

I know that it can be so dreadful feeling as though you are trapped in this life with no way out. It's so unfair how we live in a world where ctb is so unnecessarily difficult and complicated and how others want to make it as hard for us to die as possible. Your feelings about wanting to go on your own in private are understandable, to me jumping really sounds like such an awful way to leave this world.
I wish you freedom from your suffering.