Venting I feel so strangely empty, yet it hurts

[princessame]

Several people have seen my post about me wanting to fall in love, and as if the world had other plans, two different people had confessed about having feelings for me. They're nice people, they're my friends and they actually appreciate me, and yet when I hear such things, it only makes me feel empty, or sad, or angry, or just so lost. I like these people, but I can't really tell if it's romantic. I think that hesitance shows it probably isn't romantic, but at the same time I've always been so scared of getting back into a relationship. My ex fucked me up really bad, they had groomed me and tried to get a greencard out of me, isolating me and making me think that all of my old friends hated me. When I finally cut them out of my life, it just ended up with them cyberstalking and harassing me for nearly half a year. I wasn't able to get them off my back until October of this year.
I want to fall in love so very badly, I want to be the one to fall in love.. I don't want people to be falling for me, unless I want them to. It makes me sad. I don't know what I'm doing wrong. Why can't I just be happy about something for once? Why can't I feel the same for these people? It's not even that I want to spare their feelings or something, it's just that I wish I could feel something like that for once.
It makes me feel sick to the stomach. I want to be in love, but I don't want to be in a relationship. I'm scared. I'm truly, genuinely scared. Vulnerability is not my strong suit, and I feel like I will always be unable to love, always be unlovable.

 

[TheoPhage]

Child, you are always loved, never not, and can never be unloved, as all of us are sparks of the infinite ineffable supreme unknown.....

We are all captive spirits in a human meat cage, held against our will...

There are these things called astrological influences, (read: functional malefics) that almost ensure when in this incarnation we
are always confronted by templates of self destruction, abusive relationship, Stockholm syndrome, rape, murder etc, et al...

We are governed by demons and devils pretending to be Gods and Angels....

Don't get scared. Get Furious. Know Thyself, and Get Stronger

Life Or Death doesn't matter one effing bit.

What you choose is your way through and thru....

In is the only way Out

 

[Forever Sleep]

This makes sense- at least to me. Not to say I've experienced it. It's always been me falling for people who would never reciprocate!

Still- I think there are various kinds of love. Friendship, respect- plutonic love can still be very strong but, I think it's reasonable to want to feel more than that going into a romantic relationship. So- I get why you feel confused.

It's lovely that these people do care about you but obviously, you want to be able to match their feelings. That's more fair on them too. I hope it will happen for you one day. It's no wonder you're nervous though after previous bad experiences.

I suppose I'm not sure whether these feelings can develop from friendship also. They might. Just not sure. Have you told these guy(s) how you truly feel?

 

[azo]

plutonic love

Is that the kind that's expressed by exchanging cat memes all day? jk :)

(@Pluto)