I feel so old

[Arvinneedstodie]

Imagine at 18 you became so hopelessly depressed that you had to close your eyes and take a nap, but the nap turned into a 8 years long confusing and lonely sleep full of nightmares. You awake at 26 to find yourself completely left behind by the world, and your body and mind are now broken beyond repair. What do you do? What do I even do?

I've been suicidal for so long because I couldn't deal with my reality. The reality of crippling depression, deteriorating chronic health issues, and the inability to stay afloat. I really wanted to get better and live some sort of meaningful life but instead I watched my life slip away as I deteriorate beyond my worst nightmare. I'm choking on hopelessness and loneliness, living in regret every waking moment. Things would be so much simpler if I died at 18, now things are awkward and confusing.

Anyone in a similar situation? I come on this forum everyday since 2018 and I feel like a living fossil, everyone's either much younger or has lived a life.

 

[Lullaby]

I feel this a lot! I never thought I would make it to 18, and now I'm almost 28. I can't tell if I feel worse now than I did back then, but I'm definitely still struggling.

I thought by 30 I'd have a nice job, a good place to live, a stable relationship, maybe even be a mother? I guess these things are still pretty possible, but I'm insanely exhausted after everything I've been through over the years. I haven't even remotely started living my life yet the way I've wanted to, it feels embarrassing at times.

Had a rush of determination recently, and I'm making a push to see if I can make what I want happen. If I'm still in this same position 5 years from now, I'm not sure if I'll be able to keep going.

I hope you can figure things out, feeling lost is just the worst thing. It's like you're not even living, just existing. Days just blend into together and it really does start to feel like a nightmare.

 

[Nolan96]

I relate to this. I feel far behind and weirdly out of touch. I just want to go back to sleep.

 

[Arvinneedstodie]

I relate to this. I feel far behind and weirdly out of touch. I just want to go back to sleep.

That's what I've been doing for the past 8 years, my twenties already gone just like that. I don't just feel far behind the world, I feel completely left behind, abandoned. I don't know anyone in this city that I have lived in for all my life. I always go back and walk around the neighborhoods and parks that were part of my life back then, back when I still had hopes and emotions. I keep going through the same streets over and over again trying to catch glimpses of whatever memories and emotions that are left, but it's clear that there's nothing left for me. This world feels so alien to me now...

 

[Foresight]

Our 20s just move through so fast, whether you are moving with it or not. I don't know why that is.

 

[magicalsarcoma]

We can assume that the past and the future exist only as an abstraction, capable of influencing something only as long as you attach importance to it. This is a quiet convenient point of view, i guess
There aren't enough joyful events in my life either, i also don't really notice the passage of time because of the monotony of my lifestyle, but I'm comforted by the thought that during the passing time various changes occurred in my worldview and thoughts, by the thought that i discovered some new information for myself

 

[Ligottian]

I will turn 62 this month. How many of you want to live that long?

 

[Doombox]

I will turn 62 this month. How many of you want to live that long?

I'm 63. I think a lot of the feelings expressed on this board can affect anyone of any age. I can imagine a 26 year old feeling like a fossil, or like life has passed them by. Sometimes I wonder what it would have been like to have had access to a place like this in my 20's. But that was the age of dinosaurs when all we had were corded phones. I can't imagine what's worse....to have experienced that kind of isolation, or to feel that isolation in an age where we're all ostensibly connected and online. Like, social media makes it seem like life should be a 24/7 party with millions of online friends.

 

[Arvinneedstodie]

I will turn 62 this month. How many of you want to live that long?

What kind of living? A normal and at least somewhat fulfilling life? Or a lonely miserable life where hope has been extinguished very early on?

 

[Pluto]

Our 20s just move through so fast, whether you are moving with it or not. I don't know why that is.

The perception of time speeds up as we age, particularly as life tends to be marked by fewer milestones.

To a 1 year old, a year is 100% of their lifetime, whereas to a 100-year-old, it is only 1%. After teenage years, the excitement of novel experiences, newfound freedoms and bodily development gives way to 'sink or swim' in the adult world. And very quickly, the first signs of ageing can appear from late 20s, making us realise how short life really is.

 

[Ligottian]

I'm 63. I think a lot of the feelings expressed on this board can affect anyone of any age. I can imagine a 26 year old feeling like a fossil, or like life has passed them by. Sometimes I wonder what it would have been like to have had access to a place like this in my 20's. But that was the age of dinosaurs when all we had were corded phones. I can't imagine what's worse....to have experienced that kind of isolation, or to feel that isolation in an age where we're all ostensibly connected and online. Like, social media makes it seem like life should be a 24/7 party with millions of online friends.

What kind of living? A normal and at least somewhat fulfilling life? Or a lonely miserable life where hope has been extinguished very early on?

I wasn't being pro-life. My point was that getting old sucks.

 

[Judy Garland]

Imagine at 18 you became so hopelessly depressed that you had to close your eyes and take a nap, but the nap turned into a 8 years long confusing and lonely sleep full of nightmares. You awake at 26 to find yourself completely left behind by the world, and your body and mind are now broken beyond repair. What do you do? What do I even do?

I've been suicidal for so long because I couldn't deal with my reality. The reality of crippling depression, deteriorating chronic health issues, and the inability to stay afloat. I really wanted to get better and live some sort of meaningful life but instead I watched my life slip away as I deteriorate beyond my worst nightmare. I'm choking on hopelessness and loneliness, living in regret every waking moment. Things would be so much simpler if I died at 18, now things are awkward and confusing.

Anyone in a similar situation? I come on this forum everyday since 2018 and I feel like a living fossil, everyone's either much younger or has lived a life.

 

[UnravelingWinter]

I'm in my 20s and feel like I've lived for an eternity already. I can't imagine doing this 3x over.

 

[jimmy7754]

No more :(

 

[Why Me?]

Imagine at 18 you became so hopelessly depressed that you had to close your eyes and take a nap, but the nap turned into a 8 years long confusing and lonely sleep full of nightmares. You awake at 26 to find yourself completely left behind by the world, and your body and mind are now broken beyond repair. What do you do? What do I even do?

I've been suicidal for so long because I couldn't deal with my reality. The reality of crippling depression, deteriorating chronic health issues, and the inability to stay afloat. I really wanted to get better and live some sort of meaningful life but instead I watched my life slip away as I deteriorate beyond my worst nightmare. I'm choking on hopelessness and loneliness, living in regret every waking moment. Things would be so much simpler if I died at 18, now things are awkward and confusing.

Anyone in a similar situation? I come on this forum everyday since 2018 and I feel like a living fossil, everyone's either much younger or has lived a life.

It's a shame how much I can relate to this...

 

[chocolatebar]

Imagine at 18 you became so hopelessly depressed that you had to close your eyes and take a nap, but the nap turned into a 8 years long confusing and lonely sleep full of nightmares. You awake at 26 to find yourself completely left behind by the world, and your body and mind are now broken beyond repair. What do you do? What do I even do?

I've been suicidal for so long because I couldn't deal with my reality. The reality of crippling depression, deteriorating chronic health issues, and the inability to stay afloat. I really wanted to get better and live some sort of meaningful life but instead I watched my life slip away as I deteriorate beyond my worst nightmare. I'm choking on hopelessness and loneliness, living in regret every waking moment. Things would be so much simpler if I died at 18, now things are awkward and confusing.

Anyone in a similar situation? I come on this forum everyday since 2018 and I feel like a living fossil, everyone's either much younger or has lived a life.

Oh my... this is exactly my situation. I woke up from the "nap" a couple of years ago, at your exact same age.

I've been living in a mix of wanting to do the most I can with the little that remains from my youth and wanting to die already.

In the end, I did nothing and time just passed once more... (I really tried)