I feel so lost

[ForbiddenSiren]

Hi all, just need to vent some stuff.

Life has been super strange lately and It feels as if death is closer than ever.

Severe anxiety problems have pretty much ruined my life. I feel weird around my partner, friends and parents. Like weird as fuck.

Been having a bunch of issues lately with my partner, all because I talked on social media to another girl while we were broken up (completely innocent talk, just friendly chat).

Me doing this has absolutely fucked things up and Im struggling to understand why. I did nothing wrong. Kinda ironic as when we broke up another time she was with another guy sexually within 24 hours a few years ago.

At work just the other day I made a new friend and me and him click really well but I dont think I can be his friend, it feels too weird and I cant handle this social shit anymore.

Something strange is going on with my brain and I dont know what to do.

Tempted to ctb this weekend but probably wont, I dunno. Sorry everybody I just needed to get that out.

Hope you are all ok.

 

[Zzzzz]

This woman you speak of sounds very toxic. Some people ,unfortunately, will take advantage of someone else's love for them. Some people have no shame,no guilt. They will blatantly do wrong and always blame others for their mistakes.

 

[Lost in a Dream]

This woman you speak of sounds very toxic. Some people ,unfortunately, will take advantage of someone else's love for them. Some people have no shame,no guilt. They will blatantly do wrong and always blame others for their mistakes.

This might be a huge part of the problem @ForbiddenSiren . Your ex seems like a very controlling and hypocritical person, and having someone like that in your life can kill your self esteem and make you anxious all the time. When you're going through those things, it's bound to affect the rest of your life in a bad way.

Maybe cutting her out of your life will help?

 

[HoneyandGlass]

Unfortunately, your relationship does sound toxic. Try putting yourself first for a bit to see if you csn sort out what's happening for you. Do you take any meds for your anxiety? Have you always battled with it or is it new for you?

 

[ForbiddenSiren]

This might be a huge part of the problem @ForbiddenSiren . Your ex seems like a very controlling and hypocritical person, and having someone like that in your life can kill your self esteem and make you anxious all the time. When you're going through those things, it's bound to affect the rest of your life in a bad way.

Maybe cutting her out of your life will help?

Thanks for the reply and I tried doing that but I feel I cant live without her. She isnt a bad person and most of the bad stuff happens when she stops taking her meds, which is constant.

She has bpd so Im constantly getting black and whited, so much fucked up stuff has happened (Ive seen a lot of people with bpd on here over the years and i mean no offence to any of you). But this has completely fucked up my head up

Im aware its a toxic relationship but when things are going well its great, but when its bad its the darkest shit I have ever encountered.

Again thank you for the reply :)

This might be a huge part of the problem @ForbiddenSiren . Your ex seems like a very controlling and hypocritical person, and having someone like that in your life can kill your self esteem and make you anxious all the time. When you're going through those things, it's bound to affect the rest of your life in a bad way.

Maybe cutting her out of your life will help?

Thanks for the reply and I tried doing that but I feel I cant live without her. She isnt a bad person and most of the bad stuff happens when she stops taking her meds, which is constant.

She has bpd so Im constantly getting black and whited, so much fucked up stuff has happened (Ive seen a lot of people with bpd on here over the years and i mean no offence to any of you). But this has completely fucked up my head up

Im aware its a toxic relationship but when things are going well its great, but when its bad its the darkest shit I have ever encountered.

Again thank you for the reply

Unfortunately, your relationship does sound toxic. Try putting yourself first for a bit to see if you csn sort out what's happening for you. Do you take any meds for your anxiety? Have you always battled with it or is it new for you?

Thanks and It wasnt always like this, the last few years though have been a hell ridden anxiety. Ignoring the short breakups we have been together for nearly 10 years so its been a rough ride.

And I dont take meds currently but I was on cymbalta a few times and it helped to begin with but drove me crazy after a while. Ended up nearly jumping in front of a train.

Thanks so much for your reply and I hope you are ok :)

 

[unredeemable]

@ForbiddenSiren Sorry you're having such a tough time. Hope things improve for you.

 

[ForbiddenSiren]

@ForbiddenSiren Sorry you're having such a tough time. Hope things improve for you.

Thanks so much, I hope the same for you

 

[unredeemable]

Thanks so much, I hope the same for you

Yeah, here's hoping. I cheated on my wife with someone I met in IOP, and realized that while it was wrong and hurtful of me, I was honestly miserable in my relationship. I've since asked for a separation from my wife and am now living alone. I'm wracked with guilt about what I did to both of them. And I feel like there was a real chance for the relationship to work with the one I cheated with. I connected with her in a way I had never experienced before, but I cut off contact with her because my wife demanded it and my therapist said contacting her would only hurt her all over again. So, yeah, I'm suffering and others are suffering and when will it ever end. Damn my Asperger's. I can't properly gauge reality anymore. The only way I can live is alone. If I can learn to tolerate the loneliness, I'll be alright. If not, I'll be as isolated as I can be so my CTB will have the least impact on everyone else. I wish I could just disappear completely.

 

[ForbiddenSiren]

Yeah, here's hoping. I cheated on my wife with someone I met in IOP, and realized that while it was wrong and hurtful of me, I was honestly miserable in my relationship. I've since asked for a separation from my wife and am now living alone. I'm wracked with guilt about what I did to both of them. And I feel like there was a real chance for the relationship to work with the one I cheated with. I connected with her in a way I had never experienced before, but I cut off contact with her because my wife demanded it and my therapist said contacting her would only hurt her all over again. So, yeah, I'm suffering and others are suffering and when will it ever end. Damn my Asperger's. I can't properly gauge reality anymore. The only way I can live is alone. If I can learn to tolerate the loneliness, I'll be alright. If not, I'll be as isolated as I can be so my CTB will have the least impact on everyone else. I wish I could just disappear completely.

Yeah, here's hoping. I cheated on my wife with someone I met in IOP, and realized that while it was wrong and hurtful of me, I was honestly miserable in my relationship. I've since asked for a separation from my wife and am now living alone. I'm wracked with guilt about what I did to both of them. And I feel like there was a real chance for the relationship to work with the one I cheated with. I connected with her in a way I had never experienced before, but I cut off contact with her because my wife demanded it and my therapist said contacting her would only hurt her all over again. So, yeah, I'm suffering and others are suffering and when will it ever end. Damn my Asperger's. I can't properly gauge reality anymore. The only way I can live is alone. If I can learn to tolerate the loneliness, I'll be alright. If not, I'll be as isolated as I can be so my CTB will have the least impact on everyone else. I wish I could just disappear completely.

Im sorry to hear about your situation, sounds rough. Being lonely is hard. Try keep in contact as hard as it can be with family and friends.
Ive isolated myself for a few years now (besides seeing my partner and a friend) and it makes things so much worse. Interacting with anyone now is so strange. Do what you must but try and hold on and dont ctb if you can, we all make mistakes.

I wish you the best and if you ever need to chat send me a message

 

[FuneralCry]

I'm sorry that you are suffering so much. It sounds like you are going through a lot. This life really can be so tiring and I know that it is awful when things keep on going wrong. I wish you the best.

 

[ForbiddenSiren]

I'm sorry that you are suffering so much. It sounds like you are going through a lot. This life really can be so tiring and I know that it is awful when things keep on going wrong. I wish you the best.

That is so kind, thank you so much! I wish you the best also :)