I feel so humiliated

[NothingElseMatters]

everyone seems to have a lot of money, have their girlfriends, while I'm sitting here all alone and miserable. It's seems silly but it hurts a lot. I just want to disapear

 

[Cockney_Rebel]

If you lived near me (and I wasn't currently on section!) I'd take you out & get you pissed.

We'd pull some nice girls, and have a wild time .

 

[noname223]

I can relate. Hugs :)

 

[Sprite_Geist]

You are not silly. From the way that you have worded your post, it sounds as if the loneliness that you are experiencing is contributing to your feelings of unhappiness. This is okay.

Firstly: money is an important resource in todays society. Money determines whether or not a person will have a livelihood - i.e.: the ability to pay for utilities, food and water. That is why people who are about to lose their jobs, for example, become stressed, because it could mean being homeless - the thought is dreadful. It is totally understandable if seeing another individual with more money makes you feel down. It could remind you that they can afford to take care of their responsibilities, and still have some currency left over to enjoy activities which you cannot - unfortunately. The claim that money cannot buy happiness may be true, but it is certainly the key to a less stressful life. This is a very serious concern, it is not silly at all.

The same could be said about loneliness. Deep down every human being wants at least some contact with others - even if someone is solitary and introverted. Those who strongly desire companionship outside of just basic contact can be especially hurt by this; lacking connections to other people can feel like being a fish without water, it is emotionally suffocating. We are tribal animals by nature after all. So again: you are not being silly.

 

[FuneralCry]

It is understandable. Seeing the way that others are naturally makes us feel inferior, as they often have what we lack. It can make us aware of what we are missing and it can make us miserable. It is not silly. Life in general is just very unfair.

 

[Largeletters]

I know what you mean. I'm sorry.

 

[littlelungs]

I'm so sorry for your situation, OP. It's a really tough thing to deal with and have on your psyche, almost like it's taunting you. I can truly empathize.

Putting the rest under a spoiler so as to not clog the thread with all my shit. I'm incredibly foggy-brained and in a lot of pain, too, so if anything sounds kind of weird, that's why.

Spoiler

As for the question: I don't feel humiliated per-say because a significant part of the reason why everything got as bad as it is, is because of external circumstances that were beyond my control. I have no problem admitting where I've fucked up or could have done something better (and I do it often – shit, I can somehow manage to blame myself for a car accident on the other side of the city), but for the most part I really do feel like I did my part in trying to better my life and get my shit together, even as it became glaringly clear that there were no realistic solutions left.

As difficult as it was, I usually asked for help when I needed it, and I was either brushed off, ignored, accused of god knows what, or outright blamed, and if someone reads my note and then asks, "Why didn't she just ask for help?" after I'm gone, I will rattle in my urn. I mean, I definitely feel pathetic that I haven't "accomplished" very much in this sorry existence, but I also can reflect on it and confidently say that that has had nothing to do with a lack of motivation or trying. I did the best I could with what I had to work with, between the constant physical and psychological turmoil that wasn't being taken seriously or properly treated by the appropriate professionals who could have helped, and again, the external circumstances that were far more powerful than I could ever be.

If I had gotten the proper help and validation that I'd needed within a reasonable amount of time that would have actually made a difference, maybe things would have been a little better. I definitely didn't win the genetic lottery, either, and I'm sure I would have had issues either way (including the chronic illness that plagues my body, but of course it wasn't taken seriously because I have a history of anxiety, depression and severe trauma), but I imagine that I still probably would have been able to have somewhat of a life; maybe I would have been able to study or at the very least volunteer or do SOMETHING. I probably would have been able to take myself and how I was feeling a little more seriously (as opposed to gaslighting myself in order to cope with these circumstances and make it a little less painful that my efforts seemed to continuously be in vain), I probably wouldn't be AS physically/psychologically fucked up beyond repair, and I probably would have had at least some semblance of stability in navigating myself and this world if my sense of self hadn't been completely shattered before it ever really developed in the first place.

I know that life isn't fair, and that it's not "supposed" to be. I don't pity myself, I own up to my mistakes and I'm fully aware that I'm not just this poor, perfect soul in a world where everyone else except me is the problem, but when it comes down to it, it didn't need to get this bad. Hindsight is 20/20, but you'd think it'd be a no-brainer to do your best to try to help a child who tells you that they're being messed around with instead of blaming it on them, or (as a healthcare professional) to actually try to look into a patient's complaints and listen to them instead of telling them to (literally) "take a walk".

So, no, I'm not humiliated for my lack of accomplishments or whatever in comparison to other "normal" or "more successful" people my age, because there are a lot of factors at play that can contribute to someone's "success" or lack thereof. Some people are in truly disadvantaged situations, be it due to finances, physical and/or mental health problems, trauma, geographical location, accessibility and so on, and I think it's unfair to compare the "success" people whose lives have been largely different from the other, having been through vastly different things and having had very different opportunities, and so on... but I completely understand how it can be tempting to do this, and I've been guilty of it PLENTY. I guess in my case I'm more so bitter and resentful, in addition to all of the grief I live with over the amount of lost potential I know I could have had, had things been handled differently overall.

 

[Crazy4u]

I'm so sorry OP. You are not silly. What you feel is normal. I deleted my social media, stopped watching "triggering" movies and started to avoid looking at people outside because I feel so different. Life is meant to be for the other people but not for me.

 

[SanguineHare]

It's not silly at all. It's perfectly valid and I'm sorry you're experiencing it.
I struggle with not being at the same place in life with other people my age. I try to remind and tell myself different plants grow and flower at different rates. There's still always a chance you will find a nice girl and get a better paying job.

 

[Rational man]

everyone seems to have a lot of money, have their girlfriends, while I'm sitting here all alone and miserable. It's seems silly but it hurts a lot. I just want to disapear

i can understand your.hurt but.seriously, most people are broke, at least where I live. Is there a connection between money and girlfriends.?

 

[SanguineHare]

i can understand your.hurt but.seriously, most people are broke, at least where I live. Is there a connection between money and girlfriends.?

Yes and no. Some people are only attracted to those with large amounts of money and wouldn't date them otherwise. But generally that's not the kind of relationship most people want to be in period.