Ctb by the 20th of December
Oct 11, 2020
I don’t know if it’s because of the holidays, but for once, my mom isn’t so stressed. In fact, my mom and my step dad have been spending a lot of time together and getting along. My sister has also been sticking close with me and spending a lot of time with me. My mom has even been bugging me to put up the Christmas tree. Everyone is....happy.

I feel so guilty. Not only am I ruining christmas, but I will be inflicting such a horrible trauma onto my family. Everyone is so happy right now, but in less than two weeks, my death will ruin them. Probably for life. I know that living for other’s isn’t a good reason to keep living, after all, I will be suffering inside still.

I am going to try to give therapy/ psychiatric medicine a try again. I hate to second guess myself, but I suppose I was not as ready as I thought I was. *sigh* I mentioned in my last post that I couldn’t stand to keep faking an act and going through another school year, it would be a waste of time you know? I don’t know what to do. Do you think doing it after Christmas would be better?


Somewhere Over the Rainbow
Dec 4, 2020
Perhaps if you are 'second guessing ' yourself slowing things down is an option worth considering.
I have always been an advocate of a 'one day at a time' approach if things are becoming increasingly unclear.


Mar 23, 2018
It's tough being the only one that can't be happy. I can't tell you what you should do about CTB before Christmas. I don't think I could do it. I haven't been able to do it any other time of the year either.
If therapy can work for you that would be great. It couldn't hurt to try. :hug: