Venting I feel so guilty for wanting to ctb

[xxx.]

I feel so guilty for wanting to ctb. My friends see I'm struggling and they try to help me. They're so kind and I don't even deserve it. The thing is I still want to ctb. I know it would be so horrible for them, but I just can't do it. I try to stay for the people around me, but it's so f#cking hard.

 

[movinout17]

Same. It's family for me. The guilt makes me feel really bad. It's just, when I think of continuing to live, I just can't.

We need to determine the right choice for ourselves. Maybe there's a reason to live out there, and we need time to meditate and find a clear head. If not, it's worth it to find peace with whatever the choice is.

 

[ddn.ctb]

I feel so guilty for wanting to ctb. My friends see I'm struggling and they try to help me. They're so kind and I don't even deserve it. The thing is I still want to ctb. I know it would be so horrible for them, but I just can't do it. I try to stay for the people around me, but it's so f#cking hard.

I totally understand feeling. I approach it as survival instinct telling you to save your self.

I know I will feel guilty if and when I CTB but I know I have to do what is best for me.

The way around it, is I am setting the final moments as an act of spontaneity that just happens because I have my CTB kit always ready to go.

This is not an answer I am suggesting but that it is really a common feeling. But you have to do what is best for you. It's your life that you have the right to control and decide for. And you have the right to accommodate any feeling or people in your decision. CTBing or not is entirely a choice that doesn't come free of all the emotions for people you have around you. So it's not expected to be easy.

 

[Praestat_Mori]

Why do you want to CTB? What's triggering it? You deserve help if you seek it!! If your problem that causes you considering CTB can be solved you should try it. Obviously you have friends who'd try to help you.

But if you come to the conclusion that there's not other option left then you should not feel guilty for ending your suffering!

I hope you find peace.

 

[NoHorizon]

I definitely relate. I feel like an absolute monster thinking of the damage it would cause to people I love, especially the younger ones. But suffering through life to protect other people is so hard.

 

[Kit1]

Every time I find myself on a cliff edge or taking an overdose, it is the thought of my children that stops me from completing the act - it is a mixture of guilt, love and concern for them. Life is a constant struggle between struggling to live with my past and its pain, death and the love for my children.

 

[Lookoutbelow]

Every time I find myself on a cliff edge or taking an overdose, it is the thought of my children that stops me from completing the act - it is a mixture of guilt, love and concern for them. Life is a constant struggle between struggling to live with my past and its pain, death and the love for my children.

I have kids as well. They are the only reason I haven't jumped yet, but it is happening soon.