I feel so good when I'm on Oxy and use Xan to sleep - if I could feel this good all the time life would be bearable, but no Dr would ever approve that

[Pain In The Ass]

Unless I had millions £££ and a private dodgy doctor!

When I come off the Oxy after a few days on, the depression is almost unbearable - the chronic pain gets 500% worse, and I just want to be constantly unconscious.

Maybe though, after some time on it, I'd need more and more to get the same effect, so I'd end up CTBing by accident anyway

 

[Cryptonite]

Unless I had millions £££ and a private dodgy doctor!

When I come off the Oxy after a few days on, the depression is almost unbearable - the chronic pain gets 500% worse, and I just want to be constantly unconscious.

I've seen a post on Reddit that someone's wife suffering from severe back pain (like I do) was constantly on heavy pills and sleeping like 20 hours a day. That sounds pretty good, doesn't it? It's like a transition between being alive and dead.

 

[Pain In The Ass]

I've seen a post on Reddit that someone's wife suffering from severe back pain (like I do) was constantly on heavy pills and sleeping like 20 hours a day. That sounds pretty good, doesn't it? It's like a transition between being alive and dead.

It does actually sound nice. At some point your body would give up and you'd CTB by accident anyway.

The solution I want is to be able to function despite the pain, and still have ambitions to work towards. I don't think that's a possibility.

 

[Cryptonite]

It does actually sound nice. At some point your body would give up and you'd CTB by accident anyway.

The solution I want is to be able to function despite the pain, and still have ambitions to work towards. I don't think that's a possibility.

May I ask you what's the source of your pain?

 

[hopelessgirl]

Read a book about neuroscience, and opioids make us just feel like everything is perfect even if they aren't... There are a lot of drugs/techniques to get there though. I guess we all just choose our vices and paths. I fucking love sleeping pills myself. But the withdrawals from these things are really rough to get through, and since they are basically depressants I think they make an underlying depression worse.

 

[Pain In The Ass]

May I ask you what's the source of your pain?

Just unexplained chronic pain through general sciatic area on both sides, but mainly lower back, buttocks and hips. I've gone from 50 hours a week, saving up to buy a house, to lying on a bed in my parent's house, doing nothing but taking Oxy in order to be able to go out anywhere, and taking Xanax in order to sleep. I feel like I'll CTB soon, as my life is just pointless now.

 

[Cryptonite]

How much I can relate to you... I've gone from studying 2 majors, working part-time, doing sports and spending time with friends to doing nothing but lying on a bed...

 

[Pain In The Ass]

How much I can relate to you... I've gone from studying 2 majors, working part-time, doing sports and spending time with friends to doing nothing but lying on a bed...

Sorry man. That is shit. Is there any medical explanation, or just 'We can't see anything on the MRI, now leave us alone!'?

 

[Cryptonite]

Sorry man. That is shit. Is there any medical explanation, or just 'We can't see anything on the MRI, now leave us alone!'?

Argh. I can see that this bullshit is same everywhere. Yeah, I've had many doctors tell me there's "nothing wrong", "it's psychogenic", but obviously, it is not true. I had to learn how to read my own MRIs and Xrays and then it became clear. Degenerated discs in almost my whole neck and thoracic spine.

BTW, went to 5 doctors unsuccessfuly before I made my self-diagnosis. Then continued visiting another +-7 who said total bullshit, with the exception of one or two doctors maybe.

Also, funny story: after seeing my last MRI description, which was totally wrong, I called the radiologist and confronted him about it. His reply? "I have studied for this, I have certifications, I'm 100% right, if someone thinks I'm wrong, they're arrogant and I have no respect for them."

 

[Mthom2]

I've always been of the opinion that we should have 100% control over our own bodies. As long as we aren't out driving under the influence or harming others in some way, I see absolutely nothing wrong with drugs at all. The thing is, as humans , we've evolved to the point of possessing the ability to remove, or largely reduce , our suffering. Both mentally and physically. Yet, they've regulated the means to do so, effectively limiting them to people with fatal illnesses. Society wants to find the answer to the suicide epidemic? Easy, give free access to medications that REALLY help. Sure, we'd eventually end up dead anyways, but it would add a lot more time to our lives. We would have the ability to withstand life, unlike the way society is now.
It's such a shame that people are forced to kill themselves, when other options exist.

 

[Cryptonite]

Sorry man. That is shit. Is there any medical explanation, or just 'We can't see anything on the MRI, now leave us alone!'?

Do you also get the constant feeling: life could be wonderful, if it wasn't for this? Buying your own house, moving forward...

 

[Pain In The Ass]

I've always been of the opinion that we should have 100% control over our own bodies. As long as we aren't out driving under the influence or harming others in some way, I see absolutely nothing wrong with drugs at all. The thing is, as humans , we've evolved to the point of possessing the ability to remove, or largely reduce , our suffering. Both mentally and physically. Yet, they've regulated the means to do so, effectively limiting them to people with fatal illnesses. Society wants to find the answer to the suicide epidemic? Easy, give free access to medications that REALLY help. Sure, we'd eventually end up dead anyways, but it would add a lot more time to our lives. We would have the ability to withstand life, unlike the way society is now.
It's such a shame that people are forced to kill themselves, when other options exist.

Yes, if it meant 15 more years, rather than next week, then what's the problem?

Do you also get the constant feeling: life could be wonderful, if it wasn't for this? Buying your own house, moving forward...

Precisely. I don't hate life. I just hate pain. I find life meaningful and there are things I'd like to achieve, if it weren't for this pain.

But then I think, 'tragedy' has to happen to someone; the idea of a 'bad life' has to exist in order for the idea of a 'good life' to exist, Alan Watts-style. And why should I get the 'good life', or why should my life not be a 'tragedy'? That's at least how I console myself. I've been 'no angel' in my time so far. Maybe having a 'good life' should be reserved for people who have tried harder than me to be a good person. Who knows?!

 

[Dear Agony]

I absolutely love benzos, I'm prescribed them by my psychiatrist. I've never tried opioids but I have a feeling I would fall in love to the point of ruining my own life even more than I already have so that's why I stay away from drugs.

 

[Klo]

This is the worst. I have to convince the dr I'm not a drug seeker just to get one tramadol a day and I think I have a tolerance to it now. People who haven't lived in pain just don't get it. I just found out my spinal issue is permanent and I wish they would just give me the drugs that will relieve it. The only time I am not overwhelmed with suicidal thoughts is when I'm not in pain. It's been a free months since I had that.

 

[downndone2]

I'm in constant pain and understand how you feel. I am also depressed and hsve lots of anxiety. If it isnt my neck/shoulder/back/knees killing me, then my feet are on fire from the neuropathy, or my depression/anxiety are horrible.
I also have had agorophobia for the last several, so I dont even go to the doctor. I had some left over oxy but they're almost gone.
I wish i had an endless supply of opioids and benzos. Life would be so much better
I hope you are able to get prescribed more

 

[SuicidallyCurious]

Thank you Zionist Purdue pharma