My big exam is over and I made some pretty stupid mistakes for which I am torturing myself every single second since. But now I have more freetime and realize once again how lonely I am. The news magazine I read weekly had a big story on dating and partnership today. I skipped most of it because it makes me so fucking depressed.
There was this extremely attractive woman at college who might have been interested in me and my psychotic paranoid mind ruined it by acting extremely needy. This happened several months ago and now I am in her friendszone. I tried to ghost her but she was upset about it. And I now I have again contact with her. We don't really fit at all but she is so fucking attractive that I feel in so much agony due to the fact my brain ruined it once again. It showed me how hopeless my case is on love matters.
I feel so isolated. My brain always ruins my chances with women. I read almost every second partnership in Germany was found through online dating. This made me think. I am so desperate and lonely I might should give it another try. But as a man it is so bad for one's self-esteem if one barely gets matches. I don't look that bad but my character is not attractive at all for the women on such platforms. I want a serious relationship and many women there have other things in mind. Then there are all the mind games which just make me sort of psychotic. (Which is pretty sad). I am not that insane just when I have the first contact with women I really suck. (in online dating that is very decisive though)
I am thinking about my options. I want to meet my real life best friends more often. But with women I don't know. I have the desire to ghost people. I have the desire to ghost my last self-help group completely. There was one person who looked down at me for never have been in a relationship. I had a pretty stupid idea. I thought of all the women I met in my life. And the only girl I really dated was at school. This is many many years ago. I looked her up in my messenger and it seems like I am still listed in her phone with my number saved after more than 5 years. It was so cringe from me to text her once again in 2021. I am about to do this mistake again. I saved her number in my phone and then I put something very deep in my status. And she read it some minutes ago. Actually I really would like it if the extremely attractive woman read that status too. But she seemingly ignores all my status. Don't know the plural of it.
I don't know whether it is really a good idea to text her again (that girl from school). I want to ghost that extremely attractive woman from college though. The memory that my brain ruined it will never leave me as long as I have contact with her.
What were your experiences with online dating? When was the point you opened up about (mental) health issues? Which time point is optimal if there ever is one? Maybe it depends on the context? Online dating was hellish for my mental health. My friends agreed on that. Maybe it gets better when I am older. At least I could hope for it if I still live that long.
Currently I am thinking a lot about that woman from school. Which were her motives to never delete my number? I assume she does not delete anyone ever. I deleted her several years ago. But we also did not really fit together. Maybe I should move on. In her last profile pictures she looked so fucking happy but never in all those years there was a boyfriend in her profile pictures. She was raped you must now and struggled because of it. The last time we texted I was in a pretty dark spot at least on the surface I improved a lot. I think I might text her tommorow. The sole reason I went to my new self-help group was the opportunity to meet women. This was at least 90% of my motivation. But there were barely participants. One woman was interested in me but lost the interest pretty quickly when I explained my story that I had a psychosis and that womaan run away from me because of that.
Oh shit my love life is so fucking fucked up. My options are so fucking bad. Am I so desperate to consider to torture me with online dating once again. Maybe I shouldn't have insulted God in the other thread of mine this evening this dude wants to see my suffer.
There was this extremely attractive woman at college who might have been interested in me and my psychotic paranoid mind ruined it by acting extremely needy. This happened several months ago and now I am in her friendszone. I tried to ghost her but she was upset about it. And I now I have again contact with her. We don't really fit at all but she is so fucking attractive that I feel in so much agony due to the fact my brain ruined it once again. It showed me how hopeless my case is on love matters.
I feel so isolated. My brain always ruins my chances with women. I read almost every second partnership in Germany was found through online dating. This made me think. I am so desperate and lonely I might should give it another try. But as a man it is so bad for one's self-esteem if one barely gets matches. I don't look that bad but my character is not attractive at all for the women on such platforms. I want a serious relationship and many women there have other things in mind. Then there are all the mind games which just make me sort of psychotic. (Which is pretty sad). I am not that insane just when I have the first contact with women I really suck. (in online dating that is very decisive though)
I am thinking about my options. I want to meet my real life best friends more often. But with women I don't know. I have the desire to ghost people. I have the desire to ghost my last self-help group completely. There was one person who looked down at me for never have been in a relationship. I had a pretty stupid idea. I thought of all the women I met in my life. And the only girl I really dated was at school. This is many many years ago. I looked her up in my messenger and it seems like I am still listed in her phone with my number saved after more than 5 years. It was so cringe from me to text her once again in 2021. I am about to do this mistake again. I saved her number in my phone and then I put something very deep in my status. And she read it some minutes ago. Actually I really would like it if the extremely attractive woman read that status too. But she seemingly ignores all my status. Don't know the plural of it.
I don't know whether it is really a good idea to text her again (that girl from school). I want to ghost that extremely attractive woman from college though. The memory that my brain ruined it will never leave me as long as I have contact with her.
What were your experiences with online dating? When was the point you opened up about (mental) health issues? Which time point is optimal if there ever is one? Maybe it depends on the context? Online dating was hellish for my mental health. My friends agreed on that. Maybe it gets better when I am older. At least I could hope for it if I still live that long.
Currently I am thinking a lot about that woman from school. Which were her motives to never delete my number? I assume she does not delete anyone ever. I deleted her several years ago. But we also did not really fit together. Maybe I should move on. In her last profile pictures she looked so fucking happy but never in all those years there was a boyfriend in her profile pictures. She was raped you must now and struggled because of it. The last time we texted I was in a pretty dark spot at least on the surface I improved a lot. I think I might text her tommorow. The sole reason I went to my new self-help group was the opportunity to meet women. This was at least 90% of my motivation. But there were barely participants. One woman was interested in me but lost the interest pretty quickly when I explained my story that I had a psychosis and that womaan run away from me because of that.
Oh shit my love life is so fucking fucked up. My options are so fucking bad. Am I so desperate to consider to torture me with online dating once again. Maybe I shouldn't have insulted God in the other thread of mine this evening this dude wants to see my suffer.
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