Venting I feel so alone

[lwovely]

It honestly feels like my depression is getting worse and I have no one to talk to about this. Even though I am in a loving relationship, I feel so guilty telling my partner about it especially since I don't want to treat him like a therapist.

I feel like there isn't anything going for me anymore even though I'm only 19. I'm so sick and tired of living and I honestly just want to die. As much as I want to get help, it is so difficult around here and SSRI's don't even work for me. I can't stand pushing myself any longer anymore and I want a break. I wish there was someone who could kill me so I can finally be at peace.

I don't understand how my partner is getting better because I am around because I honestly do not feel the same way whatsoever. I feel like I am only bringing him down whenever I stay together with him. As much as I love the relationship that I am in, I don't think I am a good fit for him. I probably should just leave. I wish that car accident killed me, I am so disappointed that I am alive.

 

[depressed_kitten97]

Hey, lovely cat lover friend.
I don't know what else to say besides I'm sorry you are feeling this way. Life sucks. I wish I could tell you it gets better. I really hope it does get better for you.
SSRI don't work for me either. And I am at the same place in my relationship, i really understand what you wrote. You are not alone.
Take care and I hope you find some peace, big hugs.