Venting I feel so alone

[Justanotherone]

This is my first post so tell me if I'm doing the wrong format-
Here we go:
I don't live a difficult life, I have friends, a lover, and family that is intact. Yet I feel so alone. I feel like I'm in a self destructive cycle.
I don't want to burden so I hold my tongue, I hold my tongue so frequently I don't know how to speak.I don't speak so I push people away. I don't blame them, so I let them walk away or I push them away. They don't leave but I hate myself and love them so why would I make them have to put up with me?

 

[Apostle]

I am very sorry that you feel that way, but I will say that I can relate heavily to everything you're describing, so you're not alone in this experience. I feel like such a pain and a parasite to all the good people around me. My hatred for myself, and my emotional confusion and numbness, holds me down more than my affection for others can lift me up. And it makes me a shitty person to have in someone's life.

Anyway, welcome to SS, and I hope you get what you need, whichever way you decide to go with your life. I'm sure you're a very nice person and it's good to have you here.

 

[DyingWitsie]

This is my first post so tell me if I'm doing the wrong format-
Here we go:
I don't live a difficult life, I have friends, a lover, and family that is intact. Yet I feel so alone. I feel like I'm in a self destructive cycle.
I don't want to burden so I hold my tongue, I hold my tongue so frequently I don't know how to speak.I don't speak so I push people away. I don't blame them, so I let them walk away or I push them away. They don't leave but I hate myself and love them so why would I make them have to put up with me?

In a way, i am also hated by the new university community that i just joined. I left loving people in an attempt to work on my life. When i think about it i feel like a traitor for letting "them walk away" because in a way i pushed them away. I dont know how you feel, but i can relate your words. I have been trying to die for about 3 months now, i realized that no money, achievement or societal status will change how i feel. I have given the hate that im getting at some point in my life, and that is how i know it's karma coming around. But i hope you feel welcomed, i dont do that much of facebook and instagram but this forum comes with, in my experience, zero judgement.

 

[ExitTheDay]

Sorry you feel this way, I relate, unfortunately I was surrounded by people that I considered my best friends who made me feel very alone, this is why for the time being I'm choosing to be alone and I mainly have online friends, I hope nobody makes you feel the way I do

 

[C14]

This is my first post so tell me if I'm doing the wrong format-
Here we go:
I don't live a difficult life, I have friends, a lover, and family that is intact. Yet I feel so alone. I feel like I'm in a self destructive cycle.
I don't want to burden so I hold my tongue, I hold my tongue so frequently I don't know how to speak.I don't speak so I push people away. I don't blame them, so I let them walk away or I push them away. They don't leave but I hate myself and love them so why would I make them have to put up with me?

I am in the same situation. I will never be able to root out the underlying cause though. Life is shit. I feel like it's too bad mental illnesses don't metastasize into brain cancer.

I hope it gets better for you, because I know how much this sucks.

 

[BipolarExpat]

I'm with you too, justanotherone.

Truly desperate and horrible to feel so helpless and hopeless to the point where you can hardly even fake it anymore.

Wishing you find some relief.

 

[not_a_robot]

Everybody is alone. Some of them just haven't figured it out yet.

 

[PatKat]

This is my first post so tell me if I'm doing the wrong format-
Here we go:
I don't live a difficult life, I have friends, a lover, and family that is intact. Yet I feel so alone. I feel like I'm in a self destructive cycle.
I don't want to burden so I hold my tongue, I hold my tongue so frequently I don't know how to speak.I don't speak so I push people away. I don't blame them, so I let them walk away or I push them away. They don't leave but I hate myself and love them so why would I make them have to put up with me?

Welcome to SS Justanotherone.
It is hard feeling alone, of ya ever want to talk you are in good place for that. Everyone here is friendly, and I call this place my home. Never any judgement here. :)

 

[Purgatory]

This is my first post so tell me if I'm doing the wrong format-
Here we go:
I don't live a difficult life, I have friends, a lover, and family that is intact. Yet I feel so alone. I feel like I'm in a self destructive cycle.
I don't want to burden so I hold my tongue, I hold my tongue so frequently I don't know how to speak.I don't speak so I push people away. I don't blame them, so I let them walk away or I push them away. They don't leave but I hate myself and love them so why would I make them have to put up with me?

I am surrounded by people who love me. I also still feel lonely. The only person I really like being around is hundreds of miles away. Plus I work nights and they work days. It really sucks! We are all here on SS for our own reasons, but we support one another the best we can. Welcome to SS, @Justanotherone I hope you find what you need here :)