Venting I feel lonely even though I'm not alone

[Malaria]

I don't know what the hell is wrong with me, but I feel so lonely. It's not like I don't have friends, I do have friends. I am in a romantic relationship, though granted we are LDR. My relationship with my family is complicated, but it could definitely be worse. And yet I feel so isolated and alone and empty inside. I feel alienated from everyone else. I feel alone in a crowded room, more often than not. Even when I'm with other people and we're having a good time and everyone's having fun, something feels very "off". I have this overwhelming feeling of emptiness inside. I have had moments in my life where I literally didn't have any friends or any relationships and that sucked, but even when I'm in a relationship and even when I do have friends, I feel so disconnected from everyone. I feel like there aren't very many people in this world I can truly relate to. I feel like no one understands me truly and they only understand me on a very surface level. It certainly does contribute to my suicidal ideation.

Not sure if anyone feels this way also, I just wanted to vent about it.

 

[iloverachel]

I can relate
It's a cold isolating depressing world out there
I always felt that nobody cares
A deep faping gole of emptiness feels my heart
I would rather die than deal with this loneliness

 

[ijustwishtodie]

Your type of loneliness surprisingly seems way more common than the loneliness caused by literally having nobody. In my case, I got the latter type of loneliness and it's rare for me to see anybody else who is also lonely because they have nobody. Of course I do have family members but I basically almost never interact with them anyway despite being in the same house as them. Still, your type of loneliness definitely seems common as hell

 

[Malaria]

Your type of loneliness surprisingly seems way more common than the loneliness caused by literally having nobody. In my case, I got the latter type of loneliness and it's rare for me to see anybody else who is also lonely because they have nobody. Of course I do have family members but I basically almost never interact with them anyway despite being in the same house as them. Still, your type of loneliness definitely seems common as hell

I suppose. Usually when I see other people complain about being lonely, it's because they don't have any friends and are not in a relationship. So my experience is very different from yours, I often see the former more than the latter.

 

[Throwawayacc3]

The worst type of loneliness is when you are surrounded by people.

 

[ijustwishtodie]

I suppose. Usually when I see other people complain about being lonely, it's because they don't have any friends and are not in a relationship. So my experience is very different from yours, I often see the former more than the latter.

I guess our experiences are direct opposites then. In my case, I only see people complain about being lonely despite having people. I remember browsing a reddit thread once regarding this and I had to scroll over at least over 100 replies just to filter out the people talking about being lonely despite having others and find the people talking about being lonely because they literally have nobody. Even on this site, I tend to see people who talk about being lonely despite having people as opposed to being lonely due to having nobody. At the end of the day, I guess our experiences are vastly different but I'm still surprised at how we had the opposite experience from each other

 

[Malaria]

I guess our experiences are direct opposites then. In my case, I only see people complain about being lonely despite having people. I remember browsing a reddit thread once regarding this and I had to scroll over at least over 100 replies just to filter out the people talking about being lonely despite having others and find the people talking about being lonely because they literally have nobody. Even on this site, I tend to see people who talk about being lonely despite having people as opposed to being lonely due to having nobody. At the end of the day, I guess our experiences are vastly different but I'm still surprised at how we had the opposite experience from each other

I guess maybe it boils down to we've been in different types of spaces and have met different types of people.

 

[Redleaf1992]

I was participating in this loneliness education seminar thing last week. It spoke about how loneliness can mean different things to people. You can have many people around you but still feel very alone if your not getting what you need out of the relationships.

 

[Malaria]

One thing I didn't mention in my original post was that while I do have friends, they are exclusively online. I haven't had an IRL friend I would consistently see in a very long time. The vast majority of my friends live in either a different state, or sometimes even in a different country/continent. There is one friend that technically does live in the same area as me, but we don't see each other much anymore because he's busy with work and school. Any time we do talk, it's online like every other friend I have.

 

[Alexei_Kirillov]

I guess our experiences are direct opposites then. In my case, I only see people complain about being lonely despite having people. I remember browsing a reddit thread once regarding this and I had to scroll over at least over 100 replies just to filter out the people talking about being lonely despite having others and find the people talking about being lonely because they literally have nobody. Even on this site, I tend to see people who talk about being lonely despite having people as opposed to being lonely due to having nobody. At the end of the day, I guess our experiences are vastly different but I'm still surprised at how we had the opposite experience from each other

This has also been my experience as someone who is in the same position (have family that I don't really talk to and certainly don't share anything personal with, but no friends/partner/etc. I often wake up to no notifications on my phone)

 

[wildflowers1996]

I relate so much. Always feel empty. The only person who made me not feel that way once doesn't care any more.
I'm so sorry you feel this way too.

 

[Alexei_Kirillov]

One thing I didn't mention in my original post was that while I do have friends, they are exclusively online. I haven't had an IRL friend I would consistently see in a very long time. The vast majority of my friends live in either a different state, or sometimes even in a different country/continent. There is one friend that technically does live in the same area as me, but we don't see each other much anymore because he's busy with work and school. Any time we do talk, it's online like every other friend I have.

I think this could definitely be contributing to that feeling of loneliness. It really is a different feeling to actually be in the same physical space as someone, for me at least. Over the years I've honestly come to detest online communication.

 

[HopelesslyAlive]

I feel this to a t. Like I have people, not too many but enough, I would say. I don't hang out with people at all, and a lot of people have called me lonely but I am honestly content in my solitude, likely because that is all I've ever known but oh well. Yet with literally everyone that I do know, I feel so detached from people that I guess that is what makes me feel lonely. Like how when it comes to mental health, they always say that there are other people that experience it too, and you aren't alone, yet you feel so utterly alone still, even on this website, ya know?

 

[Malaria]

I think this could definitely be contributing to that feeling of loneliness. It really is a different feeling to actually be in the same physical space as someone, for me at least. Over the years I've honestly come to detest online communication.

I agree. IRL contact just hits so much different from online contact. Sure, online contact is fun, but nothing beats the feeling of having someone IRL to actually physically be with you. And from what I understand, the oxytocin chemical can only be released when you are in the physical presence of someone you love, so that makes a lot of sense.

Like how when it comes to mental health, they always say that there are other people that experience it too, and you aren't alone, yet you feel so utterly alone still, even on this website, ya know?

Definitely. Even when I'm talking to other suicidal people, I still feel like something is very off and it's hard for me to connect with them. I feel this everywhere I go, whether I'm talking to people who are also suicidal, or in my own specific case, even when I meet people who have the same hobbies and interests as me. To be fair, though, SaSu is very diverse and there are tons of people here who have led lives and have perspectives vastly different from mine.

 

[Redleaf1992]

For me personally my loneliness is not about the the qty of IRL freinds. I have many freinds from various hobby groups, I met a new group people last Thursday which could potentially be another Freindship group, and just had a extended weekend in Finland with about 100people from across the globe but united by X, many do this in various countries each year and form tight friendships. I'm also close to my actual family.

The problem for me is forming close friendships, the hobby groups are very much restricted to hobby related things.

While the the others are in large groups which I struggle to socialise in, fall into my shell and soon feel like the strange one on the outskirts.

Without close friendships I don't have anyone to talk about personal stuff, do things like go to the bar, cinema etc. which often means my weekends I have nothing to do.

It also relationship wise for me, for a variety of reasons at 32 I've not had a relationship, this makes me feel not only that I'm missing out in life but the feeling of loneliness for my future. Where my family are forming relationships/having children their time is more focussed on this, while I become more of a third wheel on holidays/Xmas etc. And if I grew old (no plans for that lol) I will only become more distant to my family and loniless will kick in much worse.

Anyway my very long point is that loneliness is different for anyone, but all are valid - don't need to justify you lonelyness.

 

[tronix]

I have friends and still feel lonely. They have their lives, and even if they support me and sometimes can be with me, I'm alone for most of the time or when I'm really down. I don't blame them. We're different, I'm a mess.

 

[Alexei_Kirillov]

I have friends and still feel lonely. They have their lives, and even if they support me and sometimes can be with me, I'm alone for most of the time or when I'm really down. I don't blame them. We're different, I'm a mess.

Yeah, everyone's got their own lives and their own problems and at the end of the day they don't have enough energy to spare for you (through no fault of their own).

EDIT: This is why it stings so much when people say "I'm here for you." It's almost always an aspiration, not a reality, and I wish people would be honest about that.

 

[HopelesslyAlive]

I agree. IRL contact just hits so much different from online contact. Sure, online contact is fun, but nothing beats the feeling of having someone IRL to actually physically be with you. And from what I understand, the oxytocin chemical can only be released when you are in the physical presence of someone you love, so that makes a lot of sense.


Definitely. Even when I'm talking to other suicidal people, I still feel like something is very off and it's hard for me to connect with them. I feel this everywhere I go, whether I'm talking to people who are also suicidal, or in my own specific case, even when I meet people who have the same hobbies and interests as me. To be fair, though, SaSu is very diverse and there are tons of people here who have led lives and have perspectives vastly different from mine.

Absolutely! I completely agree with on this. I genuinely think someone could have an identical experience to me yet I would still feel this detached from them. It really does feel like something is off, but would you say the off is with you, them or just generally because I've never been able to put a finger on it.

 

[Malaria]

Absolutely! I completely agree with on this. I genuinely think someone could have an identical experience to me yet I would still feel this detached from them. It really does feel like something is off, but would you say the off is with you, them or just generally because I've never been able to put a finger on it.

Hm.. maybe me? In my case I have autism so that alone makes socializing hard.

 

[tronix]

Yeah, everyone's got their own lives and their own problems and at the end of the day they don't have enough energy to spare for you (through no fault of their own).

EDIT: This is why it stings so much when people say "I'm here for you." It's almost always an aspiration, not a reality, and I wish people would be honest about that.

Or they say "call me whenever you need me" and then, they don't answer or say they're busy. Yes.
And I'm not good at asking for help. So it's even harder to admit how I feel. I don't want to be that needy, however I could use some company not to feel so low...

 

[Cat mother]

I don't know what the hell is wrong with me, but I feel so lonely. It's not like I don't have friends, I do have friends. I am in a romantic relationship, though granted we are LDR. My relationship with my family is complicated, but it could definitely be worse. And yet I feel so isolated and alone and empty inside. I feel alienated from everyone else. I feel alone in a crowded room, more often than not. Even when I'm with other people and we're having a good time and everyone's having fun, something feels very "off". I have this overwhelming feeling of emptiness inside. I have had moments in my life where I literally didn't have any friends or any relationships and that sucked, but even when I'm in a relationship and even when I do have friends, I feel so disconnected from everyone. I feel like there aren't very many people in this world I can truly relate to. I feel like no one understands me truly and they only understand me on a very surface level. It certainly does contribute to my suicidal ideation.

Not sure if anyone feels this way also, I just wanted to vent about it.

im sorry to hear that. im going trough the same thing yet i cant find a reason to stay with them because ive been trying so hard to prove that i mean something to people but they dont care, they dont show it but i know they dont care. Crazy how they dont want you dead but they want you to suffer

 

[Alexei_Kirillov]

Or they say "call me whenever you need me" and then, they don't answer or say they're busy. Yes.
And I'm not good at asking for help. So it's even harder to admit how I feel. I don't want to be that needy, however I could use some company not to feel so low...

No matter what they claim, their behaviour always makes it clear that you're not a priority. (Or that you're at least a ways down the list).

I relate to the feeling of not wanting to seem needy. It's usually just easier to isolate when it's this fraught to reach out.

 

[tronix]

No matter what they claim, their behaviour always makes it clear that you're not a priority. (Or that you're at least a ways down the list).

I relate to the feeling of not wanting to seem needy. It's usually just easier to isolate when it's this fraught to reach out.

The so called hard pill to swallow... Thanks.

 

[HopelesslyAlive]

Hm.. maybe me? In my case I have autism so that alone makes socializing hard.

Oh my gosh! It totally just clicked. I also have autism, so it must be an us and socialising is hard kinda thing.

 

[Linda]

I have experienced something similar, though on a smaller scale. It was with a former boyfriend, long ago We had been together nearly 2 years, and it was gradually dawning on me that we were not compatible. I don't want to say anything bad about him, but I had zero interest in the things that interested him (mainly literature) and he had none in the things that interested me (such as science, and the outdoors). I started to feel very lonely in that relationship. It didn't help that we had recently moved to a different town, and I hadn't yet made any new friends there. I actually felt more lonely then that I would have felt with no boyfriend and no friends. (Unsurprisingly, we split up a few months later.)

I don't know whether your situation is in any way similar, but let's assume, for the moment, that it is, and let's see where that assumption gets us.

My problem was that I could not connect with him on things that mattered to me. So following the assumption I just made, it may be that you feel you can't connect, at a meaningful level, with other people around you, because you have no shared interests with them. If that is true, it seems reasonable to suppose that you might do better with different people around you. (You could hardly do any worse, it seems, so you would lose nothing by trying.)

So, is it possible for you to mix with different groups of people, to see whether there is at least one person among them who shares enough of your interests and your worldview that you can connect with them?

As you noted above, it is much easier to connect with people in real life than online. Your autism is an obstacle to meeting people in real life, but does it make it completely impossible? If it's not completely impossible, you could take some risks and try doing it.

There are 8 billion people in the world. There must be some among them that you can relate to in a fulfilling way, so that you don't feel lonely. It's "just" a matter of finding a few of them. So far as i can see, the only way to do that is to interact with as many people as you can, until the right ones appear.

I realise that I am extrapolating a long way from my own, rather limited experience here, so it may be that what I have just written is no help at all. I won't be offended if you say so.

 

[Malaria]

I have experienced something similar, though on a smaller scale. It was with a former boyfriend, long ago We had been together nearly 2 years, and it was gradually dawning on me that we were not compatible. I don't want to say anything bad about him, but I had zero interest in the things that interested him (mainly literature) and he had none in the things that interested me (such as science, and the outdoors). I started to feel very lonely in that relationship. It didn't help that we had recently moved to a different town, and I hadn't yet made any new friends there. I actually felt more lonely then that I would have felt with no boyfriend and no friends. (Unsurprisingly, we split up a few months later.)

I don't know whether your situation is in any way similar, but let's assume, for the moment, that it is, and let's see where that assumption gets us.

My problem was that I could not connect with him on things that mattered to me. So following the assumption I just made, it may be that you feel you can't connect, at a meaningful level, with other people around you, because you have no shared interests with them. If that is true, it seems reasonable to suppose that you might do better with different people around you. (You could hardly do any worse, it seems, so you would lose nothing by trying.)

So, is it possible for you to mix with different groups of people, to see whether there is at least one person among them who shares enough of your interests and your worldview that you can connect with them?

As you noted above, it is much easier to connect with people in real life than online. Your autism is an obstacle to meeting people in real life, but does it make it completely impossible? If it's not completely impossible, you could take some risks and try doing it.

There are 8 billion people in the world. There must be some among them that you can relate to in a fulfilling way, so that you don't feel lonely. It's "just" a matter of finding a few of them. So far as i can see, the only way to do that is to interact with as many people as you can, until the right ones appear.

I realise that I am extrapolating a long way from my own, rather limited experience here, so it may be that what I have just written is no help at all. I won't be offended if you say so.

I think you're correct. It's largely a matter of finding people I can relate to. It's very hard, and not easy for me given my circumstances, but definitely is something that I believe could help with my problem.

 

[Dark Moon]

I'm similar to what you wrote, I don't have any friends and it was always hard to obtain any friends thanks to my autism. I'm not going to get any dm's ever. I rather stay away from people because of bad experiences but the loneliness is there for me at times and I don't think I really relate to anyone.

 

[ohmydays]

I don't know what the hell is wrong with me, but I feel so lonely. It's not like I don't have friends, I do have friends. I am in a romantic relationship, though granted we are LDR. My relationship with my family is complicated, but it could definitely be worse. And yet I feel so isolated and alone and empty inside. I feel alienated from everyone else. I feel alone in a crowded room, more often than not. Even when I'm with other people and we're having a good time and everyone's having fun, something feels very "off". I have this overwhelming feeling of emptiness inside. I have had moments in my life where I literally didn't have any friends or any relationships and that sucked, but even when I'm in a relationship and even when I do have friends, I feel so disconnected from everyone. I feel like there aren't very many people in this world I can truly relate to. I feel like no one understands me truly and they only understand me on a very surface level. It certainly does contribute to my suicidal ideation.

Not sure if anyone feels this way also, I just wanted to vent about it.

you put how im currently feeling into words. i often feel incredibly gulity for feeling this way. i have such a supportive family and stable home life. however, i cannot escape this crippling loneliness that im feeling. youre not alone.