Help I feel like suicide is the only real option and I don't know what to do.

[Onasis]

I'm 26 and half my life has past by and I have done nothing with my life. I still live with my parents. I am anti social with poor social skills. I have virtually no life experience because I have spent every single day since age 18 basically going from work/class to home. My college degree is worthless because I was too stupid to get something useful. My parents tell me quite a lot that they wish they had a son capable of being better. My friends all feel the same and do not respect me.

I have been to seven different therapist. I have been on six different medications. I have been to a psychiatrist already. I can't do anything to improve. I never have the energy to do anything and when I finally do get the energy, I fail my ass off. I think about killing myself nearly every single day and I have for the past going on 7 years now. I'm so tired of writing down gratitude bullshit that doesn't fucking work for me. I feel like I am too mentally weak to alive and that me dying early is how it should be because people who are mentally/emotionally weak as I am should not be allowed to live anyways.

What the fuck am I supposed to do? Keep applying for jobs that never call back? Fail another entry course for a degree that matters? I literally have no interest in any field in the world. I wish someone from a third world country could trade places with me because they deserve it more than I do.

What the fuck am I supposed to do?

 

[SuffrInSilence]

First: those are not friends and you don't deserve to be treated like that. "Friends" and family treating you badly says more about them than you.
second, there are some resources that are more practical than emotional support based like confidence coaching, career coaching etc etc. Might be worth having a look to see if there's anything like that near you.
third: consider making a complete change job +education wise. Look for entry level jobs in a completely different field of work (have you always wanted to work with dogs or in a florist etc etc). Maybe you've already done that and it's not working, in which case you need some more support. But if you're trying to make the degree work, maybe just give it a break for a while. You can always come back to trying that path later if you're still here.

Maybe some of that's helpful, maybe none of it is, idk, if I had the answers I wouldn't be here. Take what is useful and ignore the rest. And whatever you choose to do, I wish you peace.

 

[Onasis]

First: those are not friends and you don't deserve to be treated like that. "Friends" and family treating you badly says more about them than you.
second, there are some resources that are more practical than emotional support based like confidence coaching, career coaching etc etc. Might be worth having a look to see if there's anything like that near you.
third: consider making a complete change job +education wise. Look for entry level jobs in a completely different field of work (have you always wanted to work with dogs or in a florist etc etc). Maybe you've already done that and it's not working, in which case you need some more support. But if you're trying to make the degree work, maybe just give it a break for a while. You can always come back to trying that path later if you're still here.

Maybe some of that's helpful, maybe none of it is, idk, if I had the answers I wouldn't be here. Take what is useful and ignore the rest. And whatever you choose to do, I wish you peace.

Thanks. And yeah I need more confidence and a higher self esteem. The hardest part is getting past my own mind.

 

[Pluto]

This is an awful situation and when I was your age, I was going through something very similar. (And if I'm honest, I still am despite eventually overcoming the most urgent issue of employment and financial independence.)

From what I am hearing, there may or may not be a component of autism in your situation. If so, this is something that should have been spotted earlier, and in many cases these outcomes can be prevented by intervention and support.

Even if there was no ineptitude in this regard on the part of the parents, they are likely culpable nonetheless. Their comments about wanting a better son indicate a set-up-to-fail pattern. High expectations, a lack of support and then victim-blaming when the inevitable happens so they can cover their asses. Self-esteem and confident issues in relationships usually come as a result of narcissistic parenting, and if this is the case, any other efforts you make to improve your situation will sadly fail.

Since you ask what to do, I would start here. Have a scan of this article and see if any of it is relatable. A correct diagnosis of the situation will help inform your next move.

17 Signs of a Narcissistic Parent & How to Deal With Them

A narcissistic parent is incredibly possessive of their children and feels threatened by their child developing any independence. Children of narcissistic parents generally experience humiliation and shame and grow up having poor self-esteem. Oftentimes, these children become adults that are...

www.choosingtherapy.com

 

[SuffrInSilence]

Thanks. And yeah I need more confidence and a higher self esteem. The hardest part is getting past my own mind.

You deserve to have people on your side. No one really functions well completely alone. If you don't have supportive friends+family, it's worth looking to see who else could be there. It's going to be really hard to build your self esteem while others are actively bringing it down.
this isn't all on you

 

[affinity]

From what I am hearing, there may or may not be a component of autism in your situation. If so, this is something that should have been spotted earlier, and in many cases these outcomes can be prevented by intervention and support.

I am seeing this more and more, especially in women. It's a debate for another thread, but since autism is so tricky to diagnose in girls and even more so in women, I do admittedly wonder whether the executive challenges are in fact indicative of autism or whether it's just a convenient label to assign.

It's really interesting to see how so many younger people are self diagnosing themselves and using the label for some (in my view) bizarre purposes, including the phenomenon of saying they're special /chosen or "starseeds".

OP: what is your degree in? Maybe it's not as useless as you think? I have two degrees (one is a professional degree) and the reality is, even so called "useful" degrees don't mean you're guaranteed anything. Building relationships is how you get ahead. In many cases, it has little to do with your work experience/competency. It's whether your boss likes you. I've been offered jobs on the spot (and not something at McDonalds) because the interviewer liked me so much. I used to be confident, laid back and charming/personable. Those days are long gone

 

[painofzed]

I'm 26 and half my life has past by and I have done nothing with my life. I still live with my parents. I am anti social with poor social skills. I have virtually no life experience because I have spent every single day since age 18 basically going from work/class to home. My college degree is worthless because I was too stupid to get something useful. My parents tell me quite a lot that they wish they had a son capable of being better. My friends all feel the same and do not respect me.

I have been to seven different therapist. I have been on six different medications. I have been to a psychiatrist already. I can't do anything to improve. I never have the energy to do anything and when I finally do get the energy, I fail my ass off. I think about killing myself nearly every single day and I have for the past going on 7 years now. I'm so tired of writing down gratitude bullshit that doesn't fucking work for me. I feel like I am too mentally weak to alive and that me dying early is how it should be because people who are mentally/emotionally weak as I am should not be allowed to live anyways.

What the fuck am I supposed to do? Keep applying for jobs that never call back? Fail another entry course for a degree that matters? I literally have no interest in any field in the world. I wish someone from a third world country could trade places with me because they deserve it more than I do.

What the fuck am I supposed to do?

Please know that none of this is your fault, you are suffering from a healthy dose of capitalism. College never was nor should be meant to be something "useful" so you can get a job. It's about educating yourself and society so we grow and nurture our intellect. Capitalism has turned it into something you to do be a productive member of society. Know that you are not alone, and that these thoughts you are having are only natural as a result of a truly fucked up system.

 

[Onasis]

I am seeing this more and more, especially in women. It's a debate for another thread, but since autism is so tricky to diagnose in girls and even more so in women, I do admittedly wonder whether the executive challenges are in fact indicative of autism or whether it's just a convenient label to assign.

It's really interesting to see how so many younger people are self diagnosing themselves and using the label for some (in my view) bizarre purposes, including the phenomenon of saying they're special /chosen or "starseeds".

OP: what is your degree in? Maybe it's not as useless as you think? I have two degrees (one is a professional degree) and the reality is, even so called "useful" degrees don't mean you're guaranteed anything. Building relationships is how you get ahead. In many cases, it has little to do with your work experience/competency. It's whether your boss likes you. I've been offered jobs on the spot (and not something at McDonalds) because the interviewer liked me so much. I used to be confident, laid back and charming/personable. Those days are long gone

I'm trying to contact another psychiatrist soon for testing because they can't test on video, but my degree is in journalism. I actually interned in college for a few years and actually won 3 awards, one being national by the professional journalism group. I thought my hard work would mean something, but only the people who were friends with the professor got the jobs.

 

[affinity]

I'm trying to contact another psychiatrist soon for testing because they can't test on video, but my degree is in journalism. I actually interned in college for a few years and actually won 3 awards, one being national by the professional journalism group. I thought my hard work would mean something, but only the people who were friends with the professor got the jobs.

Journalism definitely isn't a useless degree and can translate into multiple different fields, including comms. I do agree that you're likely going to need to engage with other people in your field and to me, that is your first hurdle that might change everything around if you can conquer it. I know what it's like to feel like you're socially inept and to feel so anxious in social situations.

RE testing: please, please be careful where and by whom you're tested. Research them carefully. A lot of these psychs don't have a hot clue RE the condition.

 

[jdog2498]

You already know how the future is going to play out, it's not a feeling, it's a mere fact

 

[Onasis]

You already know how the future is going to play out, it's not a feeling, it's a mere fact

True given my track record, I am on the path to more medical emergencies because I duality of shit genetics and me not being able to control my weight on top of being terrible at literally everything I do. The only reason why I have not killed myself is because my parents are still alive. Once they sadly pass away, I will probably swallow some pills or shoot myself in the head. Maybe by that time, medical suicide is more accepted in society and I can go that route.