i feel like my reasons for being suicidal are stupid. i think everyone will think im an idiot for ctb

[ketaminekisses]

Honestly, nothing AWFUL has ever really happened to me. im a borderline with two emotionally neglectful parents but.. thats about it.
nowwww, being borderline is SOOOO HARD, dont get me wrong but i feel like im dumb for wanting to die. my sister died tragically young and she wanted to live a long life.
i am perfectly healthy and i want to end mine. life just feels like unnecessary suffering though, i get absolutely nothing out of being alive.
i am miserable no matter what. The only thing that kept me going was my fp of almost 2 years that just left me because i was too much for him. even then, he also made me want to die, he put me through soooo much shit bc he knew i would never leave him.

i just want to die but i cant help but feel like im stupid for it

 

[FuneralCry]

The reality is that we all have our right to die and wanting to die is a perfectly valid way to feel, when to leave is always up to the individual. And death will happen someday whether there is a reason behind it or not, suicide is just taking control over that, so to leave on our own terms could never need a reason, I also see existing as just being unnecessary suffering.

 

[angel31]

Noone gatekeeps being suicidal lol. but I know the feeling of not having a real reason to feel this way… If u arent 100% sure u want to ctb dont do it, imo… But I hope ull feel better soon <3

 

[The anhedonic one]

There are no rules for making CTB a valid option.
If you really feel the need to go then you gotta go, no excuses needed.
The vast majority of us here never wanted to be born in the first place, so at least we should have the choice to die whenever we choose without the judgement and interference from others.
I wish you well in whatever you decide to do.

 

[suicidalloser]

Noone gatekeeps being suicidal lol. but I know the feeling of not having a real reason to feel this way… If u arent 100% sure u want to ctb dont do it, imo… But I hope ull feel better soon <3

what is so funny about suicide? And yes they do gatekeep.

 

[angel31]

Nothing funny about suicide, I just find gatekeeping suicide a completely absurd thing, sry if I offended u <3 I havent actually seen anyone gatekeeping it yet, but if anyone does, they are absolute assholes :)

 

[suicidalloser]

Nothing funny about suicide, I just find gatekeeping suicide a completely absurd thing, sry if I offended u <3 I havent actually seen anyone gatekeeping it yet, but if anyone does, they are absolute assholes :)

No offense taken.

 

[todiefor]

Your feelings are your own and they are equally valid as someone else's, your feelings are definitely not stupid and deserves to be taken seriously, no one deserves to be alone or judged in their time of need, and everyone deserves to be heard. Especially on this forum I hope you can feel free to say what's on your mind, I really hope no one on this forum especially is going to compare who deserves to be more traumatised

 

[SweetRolls3]

Like everyone else has said, justifying ctb is a personal decision. For myself, I see the most important thing is to make the decision that gives me a sense of peace knowing that I made the best choice for myself. I don't want to be conflicted.

 

[bleep276]

Honestly, nothing AWFUL has ever really happened to me. im a borderline with two emotionally neglectful parents but.. thats about it.
nowwww, being borderline is SOOOO HARD, dont get me wrong but i feel like im dumb for wanting to die. my sister died tragically young and she wanted to live a long life.
i am perfectly healthy and i want to end mine. life just feels like unnecessary suffering though, i get absolutely nothing out of being alive.
i am miserable no matter what. The only thing that kept me going was my fp of almost 2 years that just left me because i was too much for him. even then, he also made me want to die, he put me through soooo much shit bc he knew i would never leave him.

i just want to die but i cant help but feel like im stupid for it

You have reasons for feeling how you feel though, and they're totally valid. Neglectful parents can make you feel unworthy of love. Losing a sister is traumatic enough and not many people know that loss. And losing someone like your bf that you care for is traumatic enough. Losing a partner, imo, is the hardest thing someone can go through. But I wouldn't get hung up on him. He made you feel like shit and took advantage of your love. You don't deserve that. You can do better. If that's you in your profile pic then you're positively gorgeous and should have no problems finding a replacement. And don't blame yourself for him leaving. You weren't too much. He was just an asshole. I dated a girl for 4 years with BPD. I got a book about dating someone with that disorder to help me love her better. There are people out there who will take the time to love you and all your quirks. People like us just tend to choose the shitty ones because we're not used to feeling love and jump on the first chance we get. When you look at someone with rose colored glasses all the red flags just look like flags.

 

[leavingsoon99]

It doesn't matter what anyone else says or thinks. Your feelings are valid. If it's important to you, it's important. Please don't use other people's opinions or judgements to guide your decisions. Whether you choose to do it or not.

 

[waverinthought]

You feel the way you feel for a reason. You have to block out how other people perceive you and think about yourself only. Only you will ever understand what you're going through which is why this decision can't involve anyone else. Consider the intrinsic conflicts the most.