Discussion I feel like I’m waiting to be exposed as a bad person.

[thelostautistic]

I made a post on here recently talking about the escalation of my intrusive thoughts. They're impacting my life more than ever and it's hard to cope with. A thought I keep having is that I'm a criminal and I'm going to be exposed as one and go to jail. Please keep in mind that I have no criminal record and don't have any desire to break the law so there's absolutely no evidence to back up this thought. But it still torments me constantly. I fear that I'm gonna be outed as a terrible person and I'm so on edge all the time. I truly don't know where this has come from. I do ruminate on mistakes I've made a lot so maybe it's come from there. Has anyone else had this specific thought. Because I feel like I'm going insane.

I have been thinking about speaking to a professional about this because I have suspected for some time that I may have OCD. It's just hard when you've had so many poor experiences with professionals.

 

[Sedfrg]

First of all, you need to stop dwelling on your mistakes; when you're in that state, even the smallest mistake from the past seems like a serious crime, your anxiety intensifies, and the whole cycle repeats itself—it's a vicious circle that will lead to paranoia and the feeling that, in a state of "madness," you actually did something but forgot about it. Real criminals never dwell on what they've done, at least not to that extent—I assure you as a former criminal. In general, it's really better to see a psychotherapist and describe the situation as a whole; perhaps you were previously diagnosed with "generalized anxiety disorder" or something similar. I, too, have been given six different diagnoses over the course of my life, depending on the institution I was in, and you are not obligated to answer the following questions if you don't want to—and remember, this isn't madness. 1. Do your thoughts feel like something foreign to you, and not just in terms of their content? 2. Do your thoughts feel distant, as if they're just passing you by? 3. Have there been any changes in your physical condition or ability to function? 4. Have you experienced episodes of similar intensity before?

Also, the text might be too formal; my native language is Ukrainian.

 

[posterchild]

I recommend seeing a psychiatrist. I am not one, and I don't have OCD. However, what you're explaining sounds a lot like "ego-dystonic thoughts". I recommend looking the term up. I know that simply putting a label on what you're experiencing doesn't help, but it can help you structure your thoughts and maybe explain things to a professional.

 

[thelostautistic]

First of all, you need to stop dwelling on your mistakes; when you're in that state, even the smallest mistake from the past seems like a serious crime, your anxiety intensifies, and the whole cycle repeats itself—it's a vicious circle that will lead to paranoia and the feeling that, in a state of "madness," you actually did something but forgot about it. Real criminals never dwell on what they've done, at least not to that extent—I assure you as a former criminal. In general, it's really better to see a psychotherapist and describe the situation as a whole; perhaps you were previously diagnosed with "generalized anxiety disorder" or something similar. I, too, have been given six different diagnoses over the course of my life, depending on the institution I was in, and you are not obligated to answer the following questions if you don't want to—and remember, this isn't madness. 1. Do your thoughts feel like something foreign to you, and not just in terms of their content? 2. Do your thoughts feel distant, as if they're just passing you by? 3. Have there been any changes in your physical condition or ability to function? 4. Have you experienced episodes of similar intensity before?

Also, the text might be too formal; my native language is Ukrainian.

Thank you for your response. I know I need to stop staying stuck in my past mistakes but I don't know how to. I've always been this way. I think I'm definitely gonna speak to someone. To answer some of your questions my thoughts do often feel foreign to me. They don't always feel like my own. It's like all these unpleasant thoughts are being planted in my head because they come out of nowhere. But at the same time they do feel like mine in a way because they're in my head. I don't know it's difficult to explain. This doesn't feel like an episode as it's been a long term struggle. The intrusive thoughts have just got worse as I've got older. When I was younger they would cause me a lot of stress and anxiety but I feel like they get in the way of my functioning more now than they did then. It's hard to remember because I've blocked a lot of my childhood out.

I recommend seeing a psychiatrist. I am not one, and I don't have OCD. However, what you're explaining sounds a lot like "ego-dystonic thoughts". I recommend looking the term up. I know that simply putting a label on what you're experiencing doesn't help, but it can help you structure your thoughts and maybe explain things to a professional.

Thank you I'll have a look into this. It's not a term I've heard of before.