Venting i feel like im only holding on for my siblings

[anchored_drowning]

i don't want to get into my whole life story. long story short, i have a lot of younger siblings, some of which are barely out of being toddlers. they're my half siblings. their mom passed away last year of a drug overdose and its been really hard on them. i feel like one of the only reasons i havent let go by now is because i feel like i cant let another person in those babies life die. i cant do that to them. but i hate feeling like i have to

 

[itsallpointless]

Since your siblings are keeping you locked into this life, why not tie your life purpose to their enrichment/development?

 

[anchored_drowning]

Since your siblings are keeping you locked into this life, why not tie your life purpose to their enrichment/development?

long story short, our dad banned me from seeing them because im queer. I have to wait another 15+ years until they're 18 to see if they decide they even want to meet me when they can decide for themselves. I hope they want to. I tried to give them a good life in the time I was around them. took them out on one-on-one fun days where they picked something fun to do, we had a good time, i spoiled them with some candy and presents. i could tell they had a great time and that they were getting the kind of love and attention they needed. i hope they're old enough to remember. im not confident they will. but i hope. and i write them letters each year on their birthday that im saving to give to them one day. to show i didnt forget about them. that it wasnt my choice to disappear from their lives. all i can do now is wait and hope.

 

[itsallpointless]

There's hope then? If so can you work on that?

 

[FuneralCry]

That sounds like a difficult situation to be in, and it's just so unfair what you have to go through. It's certainly understandable wanting to hold on for them, I wish you the best of luck.