I feel like I’m losing the love of my life

[discusswithme]

My fiancé and I met at a weird time in my life. I was recovering from an abusive relationship in which I had been hit, manipulated, r*ped, etc. I had been talking with his then girlfriend who I had a little bit of a crush on but knew I wasn't ready for anything serious. Well she introduced me to her boyfriend (who before I met I didn't know she had) and we realized we all had PE together. The more time I spent with her the more detached I became realized how she just used her friends family and partners for personal gain, meanwhile her bf and I became closer. Soon he was my best friend and around the same time she reviled that she was cheating on him and didn't care about him anymore, and I told her that if she didn't tell him I would cs he was so sweet and didn't deserve it. So she agreed to tell him and then she broke up with him. Shortly after she started trying to get us together cs she realized he had fallen for me and I him. So me and him started spending more time together, calling for hours and talking about anything and everything. He became my go to. Still, I knew I wasn't ready for anything serious so I asked him to wait, and he did. For 6 months I asked him to wait and he did meanwhile we started going on dates and I shared my past with him. We grew closer and 2 years ago in May he asked me to be his girlfriend while we were slow dancing and I agreed. I had fallen so hard for him and I fall more in love everyday. He proposed to me on my 18th birthday and I was so happy. But lately something has changed. He started lying and disappearing for hours- driving hours away with his cousin and lying to me about where they're going- he started lying about everything and he never wants to spend time with me. I feel like I'm losing him, like I don't matter to him anymore. I feel worthless and pathetic and like I don't mean anything to him anymore. I love him, more than anything, which is why this hurts so bad. I spend everyday not knowing which side of him I'm going to get- the loving cuddly man that I love so much or the mean guy he can become. I don't like to place my life in someone else's hands but without him I just can't take this life. I don't know how much longer I can keep going. I don't know how much longer I can keep wondering if he still loves me. I don't know how much longer I can keep wondering if I should still be here.

 

[m_h_d]

Hell is other people. He is damaged goods and you are worth so much more than that. If he is mistreating you then he does not deserve you. Do you love him or is it that he is not abusing you as your last partner did?

Realise that he probably needs you (the woman who lets him go off for hours) than you need him.

You are clearly incredibly strong, eloquent and intelligent, deserving far better than to be treated as second-class.