Creeperella
Member
- Oct 27, 2024
- 9
This might be a long post but i feel like i have to get it off my chest since no one else is gonna listen. I don't know how to manage my emotions at all and the only thing keeping me from going crazy is music and daydreaming but both seem to take me out of reality to the point i feel like I'm just spectating myself through a screen. I have been debating on killing myself but I can't for one,I'm a Christian..or atleast I grew up in a Christian household so the idea of going to hell the moment i kill myself doesn't seem like a great idea secondly my mom....she's been through alot and it sucks knowing that I can't leave since I'm apparently the only thing helping her throughout the day so what will happened if i just die? Thing is the more i think about the stuff that's been happening to me the more guilt i feel and it's eating me up,literally. I want to get better , I want to feel human again, I want to love myself and not feel disgust everytime I look into the mirror but no matter what I do it just fails. Praying, trying to go outside,, socialising...nothing works and I can't help but blame all this on my dad. Not to go into too much detail about my past but he's been verbally abusing me and other stuff my whole life and now that my mom and I left he somehow finds his way into my head,his words never leaving me and it doesn't help that I still love him. To make it worse he's now in the hospital and I just feel like it's my fault for some reason I just know his whole family hates me. I'm at a point where I don't what to do with my life anymore. If it gets too much I might just try to commit suicide.
