I feel like I’m doing quite alright

[ThatStateOfMind]

I feel like I'm doing really well for myself currently. I'm ahead in college (got a little behind in precalculus but I'm working on getting on pace). Computer science is still hard but is making itself easier, as I begin to understand the concepts more and more. Burnout is unfortunately occurring very early on (I'm in the summer semester so two 15-week classes are condensed into 10, while one 15 week class has been condensed into 4 weeks which has left me with a heavy course load at times.

As far as my ex, I've tried to stop messaging, but haven't succeeded. I haven't messaged her first in a few days, she messaged me and I didn't want to ignore her because she's never ignored me. I think not messaging first since Wednesday is pretty good and I don't plan on messaging her first over the weekend or further if I can hold back and not do it. Something in my brain is telling me that this is a good step to take.

I already told her I don't know if I want to get with her but we got on the topic of it again, and her answer was hella confusing and I just gotta share it here to see if it makes sense to any one of you. She said something along the lines of "Do I want to get back together? I don't know, but for the sake of not leading you on, I'm gonna say no. That's not really a no, but keep it in your mind that it's no." She then tried to reword it but nothing she said made it any more clear. My personal theory is that this is kinda like the monkey branching you guys were talking about. Keeping me as an option open (hence the not telling me a direct no), while also not saying yes either.

Either way, I'm proud of myself for college and for lessening my contact. I'm hanging out with a friend Saturday and I'm about to break a promise I made with her (to not tell anyone about her cheating), and I'm gonna have a deep convo with him about what's going on.

Love all of you guys here, thanks for listening to my random posts and shit.

 

[timf]

You sound stronger and seem to have resolve. This can put you in a position of having greater control over your life. her waffling sounds like a poor foundation upon which nothing lasting could be built.

 

[mazzy]

I'm so happy to hear that you are doing alright! And as for your ex gf if she cheated on you, you have every right to tell people and talk about how that shit effected you. Especially with those weird answers she giving you. I wish you the best with college (:

 

[SexyIncél]

As far as my ex, I've tried to stop messaging, but haven't succeeded. I haven't messaged her first in a few days, she messaged me and I didn't want to ignore her because she's never ignored me. I think not messaging first since Wednesday is pretty good and I don't plan on messaging her first over the weekend or further if I can hold back and not do it. Something in my brain is telling me that this is a good step to take.

Sounds wise! You're getting feedback cycles on your own feelings; not beating yourself up if you feel compelled to message her

I already told her I don't know if I want to get with her but we got on the topic of it again, and her answer was hella confusing and I just gotta share it here to see if it makes sense to any one of you. She said something along the lines of "Do I want to get back together? I don't know, but for the sake of not leading you on, I'm gonna say no. That's not really a no, but keep it in your mind that it's no." She then tried to reword it but nothing she said made it any more clear. My personal theory is that this is kinda like the monkey branching you guys were talking about. Keeping me as an option open (hence the not telling me a direct no), while also not saying yes either.

Your interpretation makes sense. Her words confirm your mental model of her interests: ensuring a relationship. Like being unable go a month unemployed, lacking savings

And people paint themselves with their words. What she says has certain properties:

• Keeps options open
• Maintains fair minded self-image
• She can't very well say "I'll jump yr bones once I'm dumped, c'mon bby". Must sound a bit independent, like she has self-control

Either way, I'm proud of myself for college and for lessening my contact. I'm hanging out with a friend Saturday and I'm about to break a promise I made with her (to not tell anyone about her cheating), and I'm gonna have a deep convo with him about what's going on.

Seems appropriate. Breaking a promise about her promise-breaking

Mess with the pinkie swear, get messed up by the pinkie swear

 

[Grav]

Awesome news on school! Yah that sounds like some intense coursework but there's an end to it, keep chugging. The "not saying no, but kinda no" is bs to keep you as a spare. Been there and had friends there as well; best if you can just drop her completely, "ghosting" as the kids call it?

 

[ThatStateOfMind]

You sound stronger and seem to have resolve. This can put you in a position of having greater control over your life. her waffling sounds like a poor foundation upon which nothing lasting could be built.

As sad as I feel about that, I think it is true, part of me still likes her but I know for my own sake; I need to keep my distance and keep my resolve.

I'm so happy to hear that you are doing alright! And as for your ex gf if she cheated on you, you have every right to tell people and talk about how that shit effected you. Especially with those weird answers she giving you. I wish you the best with college (:

Thanks, that means a lot to me. I told my friend yesterday and he wasn't very surprised. He was surprised that she did it because she didn't seem like the type according to him, but he felt that her new relationship moved too quick, as I thought as well. And thanks I need all the luck I can get with college lol.

Sounds wise! You're getting feedback cycles on your own feelings; not beating yourself up if you feel compelled to message her


Your interpretation makes sense. Her words confirm your mental model of her interests: ensuring a relationship. Like being unable go a month unemployed, lacking savings

And people paint themselves with their words. What she says has certain properties:

• Keeps options open
• Maintains fair minded self-image
• She can't very well say "I'll jump yr bones once I'm dumped, c'mon bby". Must sound a bit independent, like she has self-control

Seems appropriate. Breaking a promise about her promise-breaking

Mess with the pinkie swear, get messed up by the pinkie swear

Yeah, I don't want to feel compelled to do anything with her, hence why I'm distancing myself. I feel that her actions have painted an image of her that I didn't see before we broke up. I feel like I'm starting to lose attraction with her which is good, but I'm far from done healing I think.

Awesome news on school! Yah that sounds like some intense coursework but there's an end to it, keep chugging. The "not saying no, but kinda no" is bs to keep you as a spare. Been there and had friends there as well; best if you can just drop her completely, "ghosting" as the kids call it?

Thanks! It is very intense but I'm making it through. I look forward to the days where I can wake up on a weekend and not have to worry about math homework haha.

I agree, it feels like she's keeping me as a second option. Before, I would've been okay with that. But now I feel like I deserve better. I might stay friends but not very close, I still think her family is cool. Her mom added me on Snapchat today actually lol

 

[SexyIncél]

I feel like I'm starting to lose attraction with her which is good, but I'm far from done healing I think.

This video may help you lose more attraction

I've helped people leave abusive relations of various sorts. Job & intimate-relationships have remarkable similarities

In relationships, most gals are just workin' a job, and you're the employer. Ironically, it's nothing personal. They're just not romantic. Under all that facepaint is an eerily pragmatic ol' fellow

 

[ThatStateOfMind]

This video may help you lose more attraction

I've helped people leave abusive relations of various sorts. Job & intimate-relationships have remarkable similarities

In relationships, most gals are just workin' a job, and you're the employer. Ironically, it's nothing personal. They're just not romantic. Under all that facepaint is an eerily pragmatic ol' fellow

The video helped me see it in a different light but hasn't helped much. It's a very interesting perspective that can be true in some cases, for sure. I suppose my losing attraction is simply a matter of time and how long until it happens I don't know, but hopefully soon because I feel like she's trying to string me along and toy with me

 

[ThatStateOfMind]

Just an update again, I am hopeful since tomorrow is the Fourth of July. I plan on barely doing any schoolwork (even though I'm barely on track for computer science, I'll try to get ahead over the weekend I guess if I can), spending time with family, and maybe talking to and inviting a friend to my family's Fourth of July. He's had a rough time recently and I think getting him out of the house might be able to help him.

I guess all that's left to say is to wish all of you a happy Fourth of July, I hope things remain uphill (although I doubt it will be tbh), and I hope things either go or remain uphill for you guys.