Venting i feel like everyone around me is just doing badly and i feel useless.

[synthcadia]

my best friend is here, but he's been really quiet. he told me he would be quiet, but i mean he would make some small jokes. but today he just went non-verbal, which is fine. but i think that 1) he is depressed in general and 2) this girl is playing with emotions and fucking him up. but i feel helpless. i mean i wanted to help by giving him physical space, but i think i made him feel worse… and i just feel bad.

and my partner isn't doing great rn, so i'm worried.

i just feel like everyone is not doing well. i mean i'm not doing well but i'm managing. i'm living. i'm worried about my friend and also anxious bc i'm worried he won't like me (it's intrusive thoughts) or will be annoyed at me or something.

when people are quiet, it makes me think i did something wrong. like most of the time i didn't do anything wrong, but i always associate silence with me doing something wrong. my mom does it a lot. and like i'm glad my friend communicated to me that he doesn't want to talk, i just feel bad.

this is kinda disorganized but like i just feel bad because he is silent a lot. but i feel like he's just shy/not doing great. i just hate feeling bad.

and then everyone not doing great. i feel the need to fix everyone, or try to offer solutions. i don't know why. it's annoying.

i just want to cry. maybe i'm hormonal because of my period. and tired. i'm tired because i've used the bathroom like 13 times today (sorry tmi) bc of fucking pasta sauce bc pasta sauce has sugar in it and i'm tired.

idk what this is, sorry.