Last year, august 2022 my dog died. It was so heartbreaking, she was 5 and got cancer. I was in an extremely abusive relationship and away from home, in another country. The worst part is i was at a music festival, and my mother only told me after it (like a week after her death?). Her reasoning was "didnt want to ruin your festival time". I would've gone back home in a heartbeat, im poor but i dont care if the plane tickets would've cost me 600€, money doesnt matter. I couldn't be with my baby for her last moments. And i seriously hate my mother for not letting me be there, she even told me how much my dog cried and howled. Thats heartbreaking. I almost committed right there n then. I did end up trying after a couple months but well, unsuccessful.
She was a part of my life since i was 11. She was my everything. My support and best friend, family. She was honestly all i had, i didnt have any friends and my family, i cant even call them that. I had so many dreams planned ahead like when i move away from home to study i would take her with me, when i graduate she'll be there, when i get my first relationship she'd be there when i get married and all those milestones in life, experience them with her by my side.
She was a sheltie. A small fluffy creature. Her button eyes and little paws that would hop on my footprints in the deep snow. Her fluffy coat i loved to cuddle. She was such an amazing dog, she was loyal and protective, if one of the other dogs ran out she would come and make sure i knew and would show me which way they went. She would protect me if one of my 'family' members would hit me. Every night she would hop in my bed and cuddle. She'd sometimes come lie against my back with her head in between my shoulder and head. She loved to give kisses and was just such a happy dog. Whenever i would come home i would see her so excited and full of energy, just because i was away for school. We would go on walks and i trained her to move around when I'd cycle. She knew tricks and was so smart.
I honestly hate my mother. When i was a kid she used to threaten me with taking her away, she once told me that i wont see her until i learn to 'behave', in reality she put her in the freezing garage for days. I cried nonstop begging her everyday to bring her back. The last moments i wouldve had with her were taken away, just so i could have some fun? I seriously hate this world. She didnt have to die in such a painful way. My mom didn't go to the vet to put her down so at least she wouldnt spend her last couple days crying from the pain. I could've been there for her.
I have nothing, absolutely nothing but some pictures of her. I have this silly tradition if one of the pets dies i cut a nail and keep it in a little kinder egg thing, i still have them for over 7 years.
I just hope she's in good place and i know shes still guiding me.
When I was a kid, i promised I'll die when she dies. I guess I did, just not physically. I'm empty. This probably doesn't make sense but im too tired at this point, nothing matters.
She was a part of my life since i was 11. She was my everything. My support and best friend, family. She was honestly all i had, i didnt have any friends and my family, i cant even call them that. I had so many dreams planned ahead like when i move away from home to study i would take her with me, when i graduate she'll be there, when i get my first relationship she'd be there when i get married and all those milestones in life, experience them with her by my side.
She was a sheltie. A small fluffy creature. Her button eyes and little paws that would hop on my footprints in the deep snow. Her fluffy coat i loved to cuddle. She was such an amazing dog, she was loyal and protective, if one of the other dogs ran out she would come and make sure i knew and would show me which way they went. She would protect me if one of my 'family' members would hit me. Every night she would hop in my bed and cuddle. She'd sometimes come lie against my back with her head in between my shoulder and head. She loved to give kisses and was just such a happy dog. Whenever i would come home i would see her so excited and full of energy, just because i was away for school. We would go on walks and i trained her to move around when I'd cycle. She knew tricks and was so smart.
I honestly hate my mother. When i was a kid she used to threaten me with taking her away, she once told me that i wont see her until i learn to 'behave', in reality she put her in the freezing garage for days. I cried nonstop begging her everyday to bring her back. The last moments i wouldve had with her were taken away, just so i could have some fun? I seriously hate this world. She didnt have to die in such a painful way. My mom didn't go to the vet to put her down so at least she wouldnt spend her last couple days crying from the pain. I could've been there for her.
I have nothing, absolutely nothing but some pictures of her. I have this silly tradition if one of the pets dies i cut a nail and keep it in a little kinder egg thing, i still have them for over 7 years.
I just hope she's in good place and i know shes still guiding me.
When I was a kid, i promised I'll die when she dies. I guess I did, just not physically. I'm empty. This probably doesn't make sense but im too tired at this point, nothing matters.
