Venting I feel like a failure of a man

[Menilunai]

I'm 28 from SEA and I just see no future or path for me, I feel helpless and lost.

For context, I graduated high school and immediately started working to support my ex-gf that was 2 years younger than me through college and university because she really wanted to go. I supported her for years both financially and emotionally when she went to Sweden and graduated over there. But last year soon after graduation she broke up with me giving a bunch of reasons like a long distance relationship isn't working, she doesn't know if she'll come back, she needs someone to be physically there for her, and lastly our social standings are too different. I got the hint that she just didn't want to be with me anymore and when I brought it up we immediately broke it off. I would say we broke up amicably but I'm still a bit skeptical because I found out through her friends that she hooked up with one of her "best friend" over there a week after we broke up, but I'm already over it.

I won't lie she used to be my drive and since I've cut her out of my life I've felt empty ever since, and now I have trust issues and I don't know if I can fully trust someone ever again.
Here's the problem, the easiest solution and what most people advise is to focus on myself and find motivation in what I'm doing right? Well I was already working out, my main hobby is playing games, I like reading and writing, and I've also picked up learning Japanese so there's that.
But the main problem is my career and financial stability, throughout all my years ever since high school I've only worked 2 jobs, both of them in dead-end retail jobs so I don't have any special skills. I've since quit retail to try and take on various part-time jobs to expand my experiences but honestly I don't know if I see a future in it, and at this point I feel like a NEET.

I've tried meetups, I'm 182cm and 95kg, I think I look pretty decent and I've gotten a few compliments.
I haven't gotten into dating yet and I'm anxious about it since I've only had my ex since high school, and honestly I don't know if I'm ready for it yet.
I think my ex bringing up our social standing before we broke up really stuck with me, like is there even any woman who would want a man with a worse career than them?

I was seriously thinking of ending it all when I first broke up, I felt used and discarded and still feel worthless but I've since accepted it thanks to the support of friends and family but I still don't know where do I go from here.
Anyways, thank you for reading through my rant, if you have any advice or are in a similar position I'd like to hear it.
Also if anyone is interested in hanging out or chatting, right now I'm interested in exercising and learning Japanese, as for games I've been playing Valheim, Marvel Rivals, MHWilds and Overwatch recently,

 

[Johnzaga23]

The fact that you financially supported her through college in an age where you should be priorizing yourself, is pretty excessive. Its much more that she could ask for. She's talking about social standings but you should've remind her that she's where she is because of you. If you are a failure of a man, by being so excessive provider, then what am I, who is supported by my parents? And the fact that she used you like that, and broke up with you just before graduation, because she didnt need you anymore, is a shame for her. What a horrible person.
I believe you can go through this, if you want to. You're still young.

 

[timf]

That you are capable of being so giving is a testimony to your character. As you have discovered this characteristic is one that can be taken advantage of. It might not be a bad idea to take the time to evaluate the character of those you meet in the future so that you can avoid ones that have deficient character. The pain that occurs after a break up can be intense, and then seem to get better, when another ware can hit. Over time this diminishes. It can be advantageous to keep you from entering a new relationship too quickly when your vulnerability might be exploited by someone else.

 

[missedmybus]

I have some advice for you:
First, forget about this person completely. It's obvious (to me at least) that they were using you for their own benefit and not taking your situation and feelings in regard. Sell/throw away anything that reminds you of them. Delete photographs/contact information/anything. The sooner you forget about this person, the better.
Secondly, start setting hard boundaries. For yourself and for other people. You can't let something happen to you again in the future.

I was in a relationship with a woman with borderline, and had to learn these two things the hard way myself. I was older than you though, so you're ahead of the curve.

Now, the fact that you feel like a failure.
You might feel that way, and I don't want to diminish that. But this is not true.
Maybe a bit naive and too kindhearted, but not a failure.

A lot of people I know that are now quite successful by society's standards dicked around til their early 30s.
You still have a lot of time, but it's good that you think you don't. Time is precious and you should treat it as such.
5-10 years of dedication can get you very far. You just need to plan a bit what you want to do.
Research job market. See if there is anything that sticks out. Look for other ways of making money.

My personal experience with this is:
I worked mostly dead end factory jobs from my early to late 20s. Thought I was stuck in that situation for life.
In around 7 years time I turned it around by studying IT/web development before and after shifts.
COVID threw a bit of a wrench in my plans and delayed me for a couple of months.
Ended up working as a developer for some multinational where I honestly didn't have to do that much work, so started looking into other things to do.
Started freelancing building and maintaining webshops.

I don't really know current job market for IT jobs, but this next thing I think you could look into definitely:
Started selling things on Vinted/eBay.
Tip: Selling things online is very easy. Find any niche you know stuff about and just go through any second hand store/garage sale/whatever looking for things you know you can sell for more. The main things I sell are vintage clothing, vintage videogames and any old somewhat decent computer I can get my hands on for free and refurbish.

Got fired last year and injured my back partying. Luckily have the (basically) passive income of the webshops.
Started a bachelor's degree in psychology last September.
Outside of the mental disorders, life is pretty relaxed now. It was a intense couple of years, but yeah.

Edit: I also wasted my teens/early 20s being a drug addict. Only got my HS degree through homeschooling exams.

 

[Menilunai]

I have some advice for you:
First, forget about this person completely. It's obvious (to me at least) that they were using you for their own benefit and not taking your situation and feelings in regard. Sell/throw away anything that reminds you of them. Delete photographs/contact information/anything. The sooner you forget about this person, the better.
Secondly, start setting hard boundaries. For yourself and for other people. You can't let something happen to you again in the future.

I was in a relationship with a woman with borderline, and had to learn these two things the hard way myself. I was older than you though, so you're ahead of the curve.

Now, the fact that you feel like a failure.
You might feel that way, and I don't want to diminish that. But this is not true.
Maybe a bit naive and too kindhearted, but not a failure.

A lot of people I know that are now quite successful by society's standards dicked around til their early 30s.
You still have a lot of time, but it's good that you think you don't. Time is precious and you should treat it as such.
5-10 years of dedication can get you very far. You just need to plan a bit what you want to do.
Research job market. See if there is anything that sticks out. Look for other ways of making money.

My personal experience with this is:
I worked mostly dead end factory jobs from my early to late 20s. Thought I was stuck in that situation for life.
In around 7 years time I turned it around by studying IT/web development before and after shifts.
COVID threw a bit of a wrench in my plans and delayed me for a couple of months.
Ended up working as a developer for some multinational where I honestly didn't have to do that much work, so started looking into other things to do.
Started freelancing building and maintaining webshops.

I don't really know current job market for IT jobs, but this next thing I think you could look into definitely:
Started selling things on Vinted/eBay.
Tip: Selling things online is very easy. Find any niche you know stuff about and just go through any second hand store/garage sale/whatever looking for things you know you can sell for more. The main things I sell are vintage clothing, vintage videogames and any old somewhat decent computer I can get my hands on for free and refurbish.

Got fired last year and injured my back partying. Luckily have the (basically) passive income of the webshops.
Started a bachelor's degree in psychology last September.
Outside of the mental disorders, life is pretty relaxed now. It was a intense couple of years, but yeah.

Edit: I also wasted my teens/early 20s being a drug addict. Only got my HS degree through homeschooling exams.

Yeah, I'd like to believe I've gotten over her, but it's hard sometimes when there's no replacement for it.
Don't get me wrong though, I know there will never be someone else to fill that feeling, and it'll be selfish to expect another person to replace her for me, but it's just the nagging thought of what could've been that bothers me sometimes.
I've already cut her out of my life completely except for a few mutual friends, I don't hold any grudges and don't expect her to pay me back because at the end of the day it was my choice to support her through her studies, I knew there were people like this just didn't expect her to be one.

I feel like a failure because most of my friends have gotten their career path already layed out, some of them have already gotten married and have kids and are responsibly providing for them while I feel like I'm just back to square one.

As for going back to studying, I definitely could go back to college, it'll be tough since I'll probably need to work while studying but I also feel like I'm a bit old going back. But I'm definitely trying out stuff right now and freelancing, I feel like it'll get better once I carve out a niche for myself but it's the uncertainty of it that kills me. Like for example, what if I spend 3 years into vocal training just for the market to be AI synthesized voices and songs, with human voices only viable to only those who are well known or are extremely good at it. Maybe I'll just study AI then instead but what if that turns out the same? I guess there's no real surefire answer to this than to research the market as best as I can but I'm just sharing my frustrations.

Anyways, thank you for the advice, I'll definitely keep what you said in mind and I hope your back gets better!

 

[missedmybus]

Yeah, I'd like to believe I've gotten over her, but it's hard sometimes when there's no replacement for it.
Don't get me wrong though, I know there will never be someone else to fill that feeling, and it'll be selfish to expect another person to replace her for me, but it's just the nagging thought of what could've been that bothers me sometimes.

Knowing what you do now, would you want a replacement of this person? You might meet someone who makes you feel the way they did, except without these parasitic tendencies. I wouldn't give up on love, it has a way of showing up in most unexpected places.

I feel like a failure because most of my friends have gotten their career path already layed out, some of them have already gotten married and have kids and are responsibly providing for them while I feel like I'm just back to square one.

I have friends who have kids and are married and stuff Their life never went off the rails before. They freak out over the smallest things...

You've been through some serious shit now. That your friends probably haven't. You're gonna come out stronger from this current stuff.

I see it in my volunteering as well. I work with a ~50yo man, and he is going through a divorce right now. He's not prepared for any of this... Starting to drink daily. Sleeping in his car. I'm actually the one helping him get his life back on track somehow.

Bad stuff can happen to everyone, and I think maybe the earlier it happens, the better.

Better to be back at square one in your 20s rather than in your 40s-50s right?

As for going back to studying, I definitely could go back to college, it'll be tough since I'll probably need to work while studying but I also feel like I'm a bit old going back. But I'm definitely trying out stuff right now and freelancing, I feel like it'll get better once I carve out a niche for myself but it's the uncertainty of it that kills me. Like for example, what if I spend 3 years into vocal training just for the market to be AI synthesized voices and songs, with human voices only viable to only those who are well known or are extremely good at it. Maybe I'll just study AI then instead but what if that turns out the same? I guess there's no real surefire answer to this than to research the market as best as I can but I'm just sharing my frustrations.

I don't really know what the job market is like there, but I know in a lot of countries there is a serious shortage of health/technically professionals.

Here nowadays a good mechanic/technician is probably getting a better starting wage than a lot of higher education jobs.

For me at the time it wasn't possible to a 3 year program, so I just figured out what I could learn on my own.

Also, what I do a lot is just have a bunch of different AIs research local job market. The chatGPT deep research function is very good, but I think you have to pay for pro for it.

I've also noticed they're very good at helping you make a step by step plan to reach your goals.

Anyways, thank you for the advice, I'll definitely keep what you said in mind and I hope your back gets better!

Thank you! My back is fine now, last year was just very bad. Just have to watch out I don't overdo gym or being too wild at concerts or anything. I am pretty sure I hurt my back last year wrestling a guy outside of a concert and hitting my back on concrete...

If at any point you need help with CVs or job interviews, you can always ping me.

Sorry to ramble on, have this tendency. Wish you all the best!