i feel like a failure if i look into or post on the suicide discussion when i want help

[CannabisMuncher]

Am i allowed to do that and still be worthy of saying i do want help? it doesnt feel fair to others for me to say that. I want help but i also want to tear my body apart and tear off all my limbs.
why do i keep ruining my progress?

 

[stillmirenai]

Deciding what you want to do, especially on something as important as this, is not easy at all. This site is a resource to help in that decision.

Use all its features. Don't be ashamed for having more resources than someone who doesn't know about SaSu. You are allowed to do as you please, as long as it helps in making your decision.

Just make sure you're absolutely certain about what you want to do, as it could impact the course of your life forever. You are in control of your life. Don't let anybody tell you otherwise, because it's a lie.

Excuse me if I sound corny.

When I first joined this site, I swore I wouldn't take part in the suicide discussion forum, but actually I learned more from it than the recovery section.

 

[Slow_Farewell]

You're allowed to.
CTB isnt a race, it isnt a club, it isnt anything to compete for, and it certainly isnt a place to judge each other.
Use the features here, learn, progress, bit by bit.
Whatever happens, whatever you decide on, regardless if it's recovery or CTB, is your win.
If you decide to CTB i hope you find the peace you're looking for. See you on the other side if there is one.
If you go with recovery then its still the same: i hope you find what you're looking for and I look forward to your success.

 

[sincerely dead]

Of course that doesn't make you a failure. You are allowed to find solace in a space that helps you feel seen and heard. I think a huge reason why SS has been important to me is because of the fact that I can air out some of those thoughts and feelings the world won't usually accept otherwise. I'd argue that this website has made it so that I've been able to put off CTB and consider recovery. Some of us really just need outlets and it's perfectly okay to come on here and peruse the suicide discussion as a means to feel understood. There is great comfort in reading the perspective of another person in your shoes. This world is so pro-suicide-prevention but so anti-suicide-discussion and the two cannot actually exist together in harmony.

I'm in a very similar position with my recovery right now. If you need someone to talk to that's also actively pursuing healing, feel free to message me! I understand the scary thoughts that can feel tremendously real. I'm not afraid of your dark thoughts. I'm not afraid of your desire for recovery, either. All is welcome.