Anonymous 4
Specialist
- Jun 26, 2021
- 304
Hi, I'm a new member to SS, and I just want to say that my entry into this community might of seemed I was only here to take, by that I mean just ask information for my exit and give nothing back, and I can understand how some people would of seen it this way, I would firstly like to apologise for this, and secondly explain why it could of come across this way, I'm not a selfish person, and I'm not ignorant, I have a few conditions that unless understood could appear as If I am, and for that I am sorry.
For the past 7 months I have been needing to CTB, along this time my conditions have worsened dramatically, I will not go into detail on this, but the effects of this have left me basically bed ridden, unable to eat and if I do it makes me feel sick, sometimes I am sick if I eat, I am confused by the simplest of things now, I have only one person I talk to, and thats the person I'm currently living with, and when I say talk, there can be days that pass with out me speaking, as I just have nothing left to say anymore,
Along with the eating, my diagnosis, I also sleep maybe 2 hours if I'm lucky, I literally have no energy left. The little I do is souly aimed at CTB.
I have attempted drowning and partial hanging ( as its not a intense as hanging, which when I tested actually hurt, ) when I had the energy to do it, I could not pass SI, the body's will to want to live is some how greater then the mind wanting to die, this applies to people who want a peaceful death tho, I'm one of them people, so for months I have been researching, keeping and part from your normal exits hanging etc, N seems to be the only 100% peaceful way to CTB and not come back, I do not want to OD methadone and xanax only to wake up in hospital which is a possibility, but if I can't get N then that is my second option (any advice on that would be appreciated )
I'm ordering N at the end of the week when the money clears, I will keep that updated for those who are interested, I just hope to god it comes.
That being said, I want to again apologise if I seemed rude or selfish, just please understand that I have gone passed the point of needing to die, I'm very tired, I have lost everything, its been traumatic, and just want to be able to lie down and know when I fall asleep I won't wake up.
PS if any of what I said don't make sense I'm sorry for that, its took a hour to write that, I'd it dose make sense there's no doubt I missed out a lot of needed information, again, sorry for that.
PPS @checkouttime we didn't get off to the best of starts, I'm not here to make enemy's or upset no one, it was nice that at the start you took the time to help me, and for that I am greatful, I'm Willing to put our differences aside and forget the little roadblock that happened and be friends, but if you choose not to I will respect your choice.
That being said, I want to show my appreciation to SS and its community, collectively people can achieve greatness, and I'm sure this place has saved a lot of people from ending there life's, and helped those who don't want to be saved pass quietly. Which means a lot..
For the past 7 months I have been needing to CTB, along this time my conditions have worsened dramatically, I will not go into detail on this, but the effects of this have left me basically bed ridden, unable to eat and if I do it makes me feel sick, sometimes I am sick if I eat, I am confused by the simplest of things now, I have only one person I talk to, and thats the person I'm currently living with, and when I say talk, there can be days that pass with out me speaking, as I just have nothing left to say anymore,
Along with the eating, my diagnosis, I also sleep maybe 2 hours if I'm lucky, I literally have no energy left. The little I do is souly aimed at CTB.
I have attempted drowning and partial hanging ( as its not a intense as hanging, which when I tested actually hurt, ) when I had the energy to do it, I could not pass SI, the body's will to want to live is some how greater then the mind wanting to die, this applies to people who want a peaceful death tho, I'm one of them people, so for months I have been researching, keeping and part from your normal exits hanging etc, N seems to be the only 100% peaceful way to CTB and not come back, I do not want to OD methadone and xanax only to wake up in hospital which is a possibility, but if I can't get N then that is my second option (any advice on that would be appreciated )
I'm ordering N at the end of the week when the money clears, I will keep that updated for those who are interested, I just hope to god it comes.
That being said, I want to again apologise if I seemed rude or selfish, just please understand that I have gone passed the point of needing to die, I'm very tired, I have lost everything, its been traumatic, and just want to be able to lie down and know when I fall asleep I won't wake up.
PS if any of what I said don't make sense I'm sorry for that, its took a hour to write that, I'd it dose make sense there's no doubt I missed out a lot of needed information, again, sorry for that.
PPS @checkouttime we didn't get off to the best of starts, I'm not here to make enemy's or upset no one, it was nice that at the start you took the time to help me, and for that I am greatful, I'm Willing to put our differences aside and forget the little roadblock that happened and be friends, but if you choose not to I will respect your choice.
That being said, I want to show my appreciation to SS and its community, collectively people can achieve greatness, and I'm sure this place has saved a lot of people from ending there life's, and helped those who don't want to be saved pass quietly. Which means a lot..
