I feel guilty for posting femenine pictures of myself on social media just for attention

[Lou_Charthethird]

(Im M18 fyi)
Ik i shouldn't, but it seems like, even if its shallow, their validation is the only thing that makes me feel somewhat better about myself.
I want to feel pretty i want to feel cute,
But i also want to appease, i want to feel like im worthy of other's attention, maybe because i know deep down that im not.
I get so much creepy comments and i just play along just to fish for compliments from these pieces of shit, and its like, so pointless. I dont know why the only thing i value anymore is this. I dont even want a close relationship. I just want to be considered objectively worthy and adequate. So i make these thirsty posts of me flaunting my stomach and my thighs and the half second gratification of those likes and comments (ignoring the hateful ones ofc). Its like a never ending hole, something that will never be satisfied, because the truth deep down is i know im not worthy, thats why i have this inherent need to prove the opposite.

Or atleast thats how I should feel. In reality im posting pictures of femenine selfies and not caring about what that says about me. Because i am not me. This isnt me. I will never be me again

 

[Front Back]

(Im M18 fyi)
Ik i shouldn't, but it seems like, even if its shallow, their validation is the only thing that makes me feel somewhat better about myself.
I want to feel pretty i want to feel cute,
But i also want to appease, i want to feel like im worthy of other's attention, maybe because i know deep down that im not.
I get so much creepy comments and i just play along just to fish for compliments from these pieces of shit, and its like, so pointless. I dont know why the only thing i value anymore is this. I dont even want a close relationship. I just want to be considered objectively worthy and adequate. So i make these thirsty posts of me flaunting my stomach and my thighs and the half second gratification of those likes and comments (ignoring the hateful ones ofc). Its like a never ending hole, something that will never be satisfied, because the truth deep down is i know im not worthy, thats why i have this inherent need to prove the opposite.

Or atleast thats how I should feel. In reality im posting pictures of femenine selfies and not caring about what that says about me. Because i am not me. This isnt me. I will never be me again

It's pkay for men to feeling cute too you know

 

[Lou_Charthethird]

It's pkay for men to feeling cute too you know

But i feel this need to show it off, im desperate for validation

 

[Front Back]

But i feel this need to show it off, in desperate for validation

In a world where you can get rich getting attention there's no fault really in trying to get validation, You feel bad and that's good because at least your conscious mind can still thinks with logic. :3

 

[peacebenow]

I am much older than you but when younger I needed validation from men very badly. I am female. it is not uncommon in late teens, twenties, thirties. of course it has psychological roots but just saying it is very common. if you don't like how it makes you feel take note of it and be proud of having that awareness. don't be too hard on yourself,

 

[8hsjyd]

It sounds benign, but our fundamental feelings of validity and belonging develop largely through secure, trusting relationships in childhood- or now in your case ^^. Often, when these relationships don't occur as they should (e.g. abandonment, chronic loneliness, bullying), one can be left with a lasting feeling of inadequacy, unworthiness, insecurity, and so on that they then try to placate through unhealthy coping means.

I may be off in the following assessment, but I'd guess that you're attempting to artificially derive- through your body rather than person- validation that was/is otherwise absent in your life. While doing this may scratch a similar sort of psychological itch, it is, as you've noted, vapid and not truly fulfilling. It also may very well also exacerbate your insecurities in that you'll come to associate a mere appreciation of your body with validation that should instead be resultant from the act of you, as a person, being cherished.

I'd encourage you (and this is easier than it sounds, I know) to try to foster meaningful, in-person relationships. It's difficult, especially with how the internet has reshaped the way we socialize, but it's truly what grounds you. If you can come into a friendship that appreciates you for who you are, it almost immediately dissolves the invalidity you're describing-- it's like magic. If you're at or attending university, I'd look forward to that, and regardless, I'd encourage you to put yourself out there!

Additional, as an tangential addendum:
Shoutout effeminate men; I'm a twink enjoyer myself, but there's certainly overlap. You may enjoy reading Berserk! :3