Venting I feel evil but I’m so angry

[madbananas]

I feel like such a bad person but I'm grieving the loss of someone who is still alive and I'm going through all the stages of grief each day. Right now I'm super angry.
It's just my anger and I don't really mean it but I get these thoughts like...

- I hope they hate themselves for what they've done
- I hope they cry themselves to sleep at night for treating me like I'm worthless and making me cry myself to sleep at night
- I hope they get their karma very soon

im actually a really compassionate person but I'm just so angry tonight and needing to vent. Don't have anyone to talk to about it, even mental health professionals judge me.

 

[Evermore]

I dont think its evil ,its just how some of us respond to being hurt . It's natural to feel angry .When I broke up with my ex I wished some pretty awful things would happen to him and i mean awful !! All of it was out of anger but now I honestly hope he's doing well and is happy . What did they do to hurt you ?

 

[GoodPersonEffed]

I think that putting a label like evil on yourself for natural feelings denies that you have a right to feel them and may even make them more powerful.

It's okay to be angry and to think the things you do. If you allow the the thoughts and feelings to express themselves without condemnation, judgment, or denial, they will pass. I think they just want some attention, compassion and love, because those things got taken away, so maybe you can love them instead?

 

[Deleted member 1465]

It's anger, it's not evil. Anger is normal and natural and should be felt and experienced. It can even be useful. It would only be evil if you actually harmed someone. Negative feelings are part of life and need to be embraced and understood rather than suppressed.

 

[madbananas]

I dont think its evil ,its just how some of us respond to being hurt . It's natural to feel angry .When I broke up with my ex I wished some pretty awful things would happen to him and i mean awful !! All of it was out of anger but now I honestly hope he's doing well and is happy . What did they do to hurt you ?

Apparently it wasn't even her choice. We are on different status levels and our connection was deemed inappropriate by upper hierarchy and apparently it was their decision to make her ghost and block me. So if that's the truth then I know I shouldn't be angry at her. And I'm being selfish for still wanting her to talk to me, because she will be very aware that this action has just completely retraumatised me and she is aware that I recently tried to ctb (which was before she had to ghost me). I just can't help thinking she Is sitting home quite happy with no regrets, has probably never cared about me at all and just played a massive game with me. But at the same time I'm aware that if she were to reach out she may get into serious trouble. So it's not really knowing that's making me angry. I'm more angry with upper hierarchy for basically abusing their power for no real reason. But occasionally I feel anger towards her.

I think that putting a label like evil on yourself for natural feelings denies that you have a right to feel them and may even make them more powerful.

It's okay to be angry and to think the things you do. If you allow the the thoughts and feelings to express themselves without condemnation, judgment, or denial, they will pass. I think they just want some attention, compassion and love, because those things got taken away, so maybe you can love them instead?

absolutely. I've been working lately on being more mindful, which I'm actually getting so much better at most of the time. I just feel so damn hurt

It's anger, it's not evil. Anger is normal and natural and should be felt and experienced. It can even be useful. It would only be evil if you actually harmed someone. Negative feelings are part of life and need to be embraced and understood rather than suppressed.

yeah. I need to be a bit kinder to myself to be honest because I would never deliberately harm someone (apart myself lol). I hate negative feelings and my blood is boiling tonight haha
I just watched a random pick a card tarot reading on YouTube about "how my person feels about the connection" and the reader was like....
"They're screaming and crying into the mirror while naked".
And I was like....
"good."

again I don't mean it lol but I'm feeling the anger tonight