Venting I feel envy seeing people succesfully CTB + attempting

[merryberry]

I'm sorry for not answering dms, I've changed my medication and have had long isolation periods

I plan to overdose this week with bottles of red wine, ketipinor, passion flower and melatonin. I am aware this may not kill me. I have OD'd a lot before but this time I'll take so much much more, I like to self-harm and the feeling of mixed use so I don't mind much. I'm a girl and relatively light too. My wellbeing has decreased to such a level that I frequently watch gore. Doing the methods doesn't seem so bad in those videos but I don't yet have much resources to guaranteedly CTB

I have thought of hanging but have found no suitable place to hang. I have also thought of jumping off a high building and have seen it's quite painless, but there are no good places for it. Near where I live are a lot of kids so I don't want them to see my body obviously

I'm just so lonely irl that I vent by destroying my notebook with a red pen and my blood. I'll see if I end up in the psych ward or something lol

 

[FuneralCry]

I also envy them as all I hope and wish for is to never suffer ever again, I just wish for the peace of non-existence where all is finally gone and forgotten and I can rest, I see it as so cruel how I cannot just have a death like never waking ever again to finally escape from suffering in this cruel, torturous existence.