Life is a mysterious thing, I spend the majority of my time wondering what the actual reason of being here is, I have so far spent my years on this earth following the standard rule book, being a slave to the system as such.
I worked hard from leaving school, I'm 25, I own my home, i have a fiancée, and of course the plan was to continue following the standard procedure of life and have children, a family so on... Up until I was told I am fully infertile so it's truly impossible. I am a calculated person, I have spent years over thinking with depression and PTSD. I don't do medication and struggle with counsellors as I believe they do not understand anything I explain.
ctb has always been a part of my future plan, I was always a firm believer that when my is up, it's ready to go and I will be the one to make that decision, it seems that time is coming a lot quicker than what I would have thought a few years ago.
Its difficult for me as I can't explain myself to anybody because they just don't understand, it seemed an ideal thing for me to post on this forum and share my life events, just get parts off my chest, I suppose.
I have been like this since I was a child, and always been confident I would know when my time is up, I am not scared, I am cool about it all and calculated. I worry that everybody around me won't understand any of it, my reasoning, and me being able to transcribe what's in my mind and get it all down in a letter is still something I am getting to grips with.
Just fancied a vent, hopefully to any of you that may understand.
I worked hard from leaving school, I'm 25, I own my home, i have a fiancée, and of course the plan was to continue following the standard procedure of life and have children, a family so on... Up until I was told I am fully infertile so it's truly impossible. I am a calculated person, I have spent years over thinking with depression and PTSD. I don't do medication and struggle with counsellors as I believe they do not understand anything I explain.
ctb has always been a part of my future plan, I was always a firm believer that when my is up, it's ready to go and I will be the one to make that decision, it seems that time is coming a lot quicker than what I would have thought a few years ago.
Its difficult for me as I can't explain myself to anybody because they just don't understand, it seemed an ideal thing for me to post on this forum and share my life events, just get parts off my chest, I suppose.
I have been like this since I was a child, and always been confident I would know when my time is up, I am not scared, I am cool about it all and calculated. I worry that everybody around me won't understand any of it, my reasoning, and me being able to transcribe what's in my mind and get it all down in a letter is still something I am getting to grips with.
Just fancied a vent, hopefully to any of you that may understand.
