ChildrensITV
Arcanist
- Mar 14, 2023
- 455
There are a few parents here. That is a whole different ballgame when it comes to suiciding.
I feel bad enough leaving family and friends, and only ONE of them is directly dependent on me somewhat. One needs me emotionally, friendshipwise, but not in many other aspects. But I can't imagine bringing a child into this world -- giving it life -- only to revoke your own. It's essentially: "Here is life. But it sucks so I gotta go. Good luck". I know that's not how you mean it, but that is how your offspring will perceive it. Maybe when you had your child, you had high hopes? But having a child is a lifelong commitment. How do you cope with the fact that you are going to change your own child's life in such a brutal way? Is that why you are still here?
Do your children know that you are suicidal? What will you leave them to comfort them, knowing it won't be of any comfort whatsoever? How will they live physically, in terms of getting ready for school, having their first heartbreak, moving out? Don't you feel a duty to stick around for certain milestones? Which is the milestone you will CTB at - e.g. what stage of life will you wait for them to get to before you tap out and leave them to deal with life?
I don't envy you guys by the way. If I had a child, I would have to live a life of Benzos or something (as opposed to suicide), but that would make for a shitty parent! Because I would be living life as a drugged-up zombie to cope with life over choosing what I really wanted: a swift, self-centred (but not 100% selfish), sober death.
I feel bad enough leaving family and friends, and only ONE of them is directly dependent on me somewhat. One needs me emotionally, friendshipwise, but not in many other aspects. But I can't imagine bringing a child into this world -- giving it life -- only to revoke your own. It's essentially: "Here is life. But it sucks so I gotta go. Good luck". I know that's not how you mean it, but that is how your offspring will perceive it. Maybe when you had your child, you had high hopes? But having a child is a lifelong commitment. How do you cope with the fact that you are going to change your own child's life in such a brutal way? Is that why you are still here?
Do your children know that you are suicidal? What will you leave them to comfort them, knowing it won't be of any comfort whatsoever? How will they live physically, in terms of getting ready for school, having their first heartbreak, moving out? Don't you feel a duty to stick around for certain milestones? Which is the milestone you will CTB at - e.g. what stage of life will you wait for them to get to before you tap out and leave them to deal with life?
I don't envy you guys by the way. If I had a child, I would have to live a life of Benzos or something (as opposed to suicide), but that would make for a shitty parent! Because I would be living life as a drugged-up zombie to cope with life over choosing what I really wanted: a swift, self-centred (but not 100% selfish), sober death.
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