Venting I fear having said too much

[howlercoaster]

Yesterday i was going to cut myself. Got drunk, but waited too much and got too much drunk, i was kinda desperate. In reality i didnt knew exatly what i was gonna do, but i ended up sending messages to my ex, to a friend of her that knows a longtime friend, and to the latter.
I don't wanna open what i said, but i remember telling one of them that i wanted to kill myself, and now im afraid that this one tell the others and then they all feel guilt when i ctb. I wanted to avoid this.

 

[ImTelling]

Yesterday i was going to cut myself. Got drunk, but waited too much and got too much drunk, i was kinda desperate. In reality i didnt knew exatly what i was gonna do, but i ended up sending messages to my ex, to a friend of her that knows a longtime friend, and to the latter.
I don't wanna open what i said, but i remember telling one of them that i wanted to kill myself, and now im afraid that this one tell the others and then they all feel guilt when i ctb. I wanted to avoid this.

Oh boy, can I fucking relate to this.

Alcohol is such a glass cannon tool for CTB or SH. It's easy to get and effective but it'll impede you so much that it can turn out to harm your attempts more than help.

If you ever want to use alcohol again, try and make sure you disconnect your Internet or take steps to stop your future drunk self from 'spilling the beans' to close ones.

I'm not sure what to say in terms of dealing with the fallout, it depends on your relationship with those people. Try to weather it as best as you can and just say you were drunk and you didn't mean any of what you were saying.