i failed (half hearted attempt),

[ever so lonely]

hiya guys and gals, thanks for being so supportive, so i tried the method i have, the sn, from ic, i got it before it went down luckily, i wasnt sure of myself the closer i neared to the attempt, and was conflicted a little, by god did si kick in, more than ever before, i tasted it with diluted water, and the taste was honestly ghastly, i wretched straight away, but managed to hold it down, without antiemetics (couldnt get any) i drank more and then vomited it straight back up, my heart was racing like crazy, and i was clammy to the touch, sweating profusely which i seldom do, and felt awful, i then lost conciousness, and woke up of a night time covered in vomit, so had a shower and felt terrible, (it was during the day my attempt), and i was scared, so so fricking scared of death, i havnt attempted since, and i have felt groggy since the attempt like i am here still but not really if that makes sense, i never sought medical attention, this was some days ago, i tell you what guys it frightened me, and the taste !, the taste truly was horrible, i still have the sn of the 100 grams i have, i maybe have used a tiny bit of it, so plenty here still, i cant keep any food down either i have noticed, i am still vomiting days after the fact, although not as much, the si was surreal once i had downed it folks, i felt like my tiny shitty world was falling in on itself, and my life flashed before me, my many fuck ups, my failures, but my successes too, my little shitty achievements, i also found that due to a restriction on my facebook account i have been posting publicly for ages, and wondering why nobody on there has ever been engaging with my posts, making me feel more invisible and more useless than even irl, well guess what guys they put a restriction on my account back in january, no explanation as to why, and what it was for, so i have been moaning about feeling invisible which led up to me attempting, feeling ever more useless and invisible, only ro discover it was likely by design, feeling ever more invisible even on social media than irl, and come to find they have blocked me from facebook searches intentionally, so the cause of me attempting, feeling unliked and invisible facebook intentionally added to it, by restricting my account from the search bar, no wonder my posts were gaining no traction, my public posts are not public either but hidden, i checked y settings it isnt that either, wow thanks facebook, seriously i didnt even know they could do such a thing folks, and i only post about politics mainly, now i cant even search for myself with a separate account ?, honestly guys/gals fuck this world, and fuck this ill society, they just contribute to our suffering and then cant understand why we opt out, or want to, if you bared with me through this rambling, thank you, i am still here unfortunately, i wanted to join my brothers and sisters already passed over, no longer suffering, well maybe i will give it another crack soon, maybe i will have another go soonies, quietly, i thank you for giving me the only place i can vent to, this is the only place i feel
accepted, and validated, my gf doesnt know about this attempt btw, she is the only person i have and dont wish to lose her, but thanking you, for being here and much love to everybody here, who was and continues to struggle,

 

[Brave_it_Shiru]

That transition moment felt do real as you described it. I at times walk around like a zombie I feel and I want nothing.
SN is my chosen method and I've managed to get meto. Sorry about the aftermath.
SI could be the reason for the fear... could it be that a part of you believes that it could get worse on the other side of cbt?
And not to be intrusive, what was your plan for your gf? Do you now continue as if that attempt did not just happen?

 

[ever so lonely]

totally buds she is oblivious i barely see her as she works a lot i have been signed off on mental health grounds this past year or so maybe longer, so dont want to put on her too much i do have a side hussle that brings a little money in, a buying/selling online gig, i feel you buds, it is the fact we dont know and cant know what is on the other side, i had this impending doom feeling, but another part of me, the part that wishes to die, was like but this is what you wanted, what you asked for and have been gearing yourself towards, scary, how are you feeling mate ?, i hope your doing ok, i just wish us peace from this hellish existence, either in this life or the next, i feel i will have another go, when i get overwhelmed again, i hope your doing ok buds, have you tried sn aswell ?, it was the taste that surprised me, like i cant even think of the taste without wrenching now, truly awful, i had heard people here say it is relatively peaceful, but it didnt feel like it buds, not painful per se, but very very very very uncomfortable, and kinda i dunno very weird, i felt like the room was closing in on me so difficult to describe it, and my head had a migraine when i awoke too, if i do attempt again i will need antiemetics for sure, thanks for your response my friend, i hope your doing ok what you described there is on point too

 

[Raven2]

I'm sorry your attempt didnt go to plan aftermath sounds awful. Are you still feeling groggy now? Sending hugs your way

 

[ever so lonely]

i am a little bit, thank you so much for replying, it is a feeling like your spaced out, not quite with it ? if that makes sense, people have commented on it too to me, like you dont appear yourself, but your coherent and things, and capable of chats, it is so weird honestly, and not what i expected, honestly maybe a little gullible but i thought once you downed it that was it, lights out, maybe wishful thinking, i am sure of the method still, but it takes serious courage, i assumes it was relatively quick going by what i seen on here, maybe i just didnt take enough, but it kinda isnt quick i dont think, the heart racing was uber uncomfortable, i struggled to
breath for a little while, and felt some type of hallucination, it was such a weird feeling, i see now why people say take antiemetics or alcohol prior to dull your senses, i think i will be doing that if try again, thank you so much for your kind words too, that is what is so nice about this community there is never any judgement, unlike in society lol, how are you ?, i hope your doing ok

 

[Departme]

Sending thoughts to you, a really heart breaking sequence of events you describe and best wishes for you to return to some kind of normality over the coming days. I have posed the question before but would this method not be better suited to boofing as opposed to taken orally? The colon does after all quickly absorb salts, water and nutrients that are yet to be digested by the rest of the system plus there is much less risk of rejection by the body. I have no doubt it may still be a hard way to go even then but it would reach a point where a person simply passed out and then nature would take its course.

 

[pepperminttea]

I'm sorry you're suffering so much. And I'm sorry you had such a bad experience. I hope some time soon you can find the peace you're looking for. If you need someone to talk to, feel free to shoot me a message :)

 

[Brave_it_Shiru]

totally buds she is oblivious i barely see her as she works a lot i have been signed off on mental health grounds this past year or so maybe longer, so dont want to put on her too much i do have a side hussle that brings a little money in, a buying/selling online gig, i feel you buds, it is the fact we dont know and cant know what is on the other side, i had this impending doom feeling, but another part of me, the part that wishes to die, was like but this is what you wanted, what you asked for and have been gearing yourself towards, scary, how are you feeling mate ?, i hope your doing ok, i just wish us peace from this hellish existence, either in this life or the next, i feel i will have another go, when i get overwhelmed again, i hope your doing ok buds, have you tried sn aswell ?, it was the taste that surprised me, like i cant even think of the taste without wrenching now, truly awful, i had heard people here say it is relatively peaceful, but it didnt feel like it buds, not painful per se, but very very very very uncomfortable, and kinda i dunno very weird, i felt like the room was closing in on me so difficult to describe it, and my head had a migraine when i awoke too, if i do attempt again i will need antiemetics for sure, thanks for your response my friend, i hope your doing ok what you described there is on point too

Aaaaargh!!!! SI is a whole other being you have to deal with. Just the dilemma....stay and continue to suffer or go and risk living in the result of this path. Best case scenario is you get to be part of the nothingness....but yes, who really knows what we will find there? I wish you peace too, in this world too even as you recover.

I have never tried SN but I have failed cbt before. I remember laying down in coffin style with the crossed arms and waiting to cbt only to wake up LOL

SN protocol used to recommend beta blockers for that suffocation and heart racing feeling. I have benzos ready too...I think they help Numb you.

We are here when you feel overwhelmed. I wish I was able to offer you more comfort bud

 

[Raven2]

i am a little bit, thank you so much for replying, it is a feeling like your spaced out, not quite with it ? if that makes sense, people have commented on it too to me, like you dont appear yourself, but your coherent and things, and capable of chats, it is so weird honestly, and not what i expected, honestly maybe a little gullible but i thought once you downed it that was it, lights out, maybe wishful thinking, i am sure of the method still, but it takes serious courage, i assumes it was relatively quick going by what i seen on here, maybe i just didnt take enough, but it kinda isnt quick i dont think, the heart racing was uber uncomfortable, i struggled to
breath for a little while, and felt some type of hallucination, it was such a weird feeling, i see now why people say take antiemetics or alcohol prior to dull your senses, i think i will be doing that if try again, thank you so much for your kind words too, that is what is so nice about this community there is never any judgement, unlike in society lol, how are you ?, i hope your doing ok

Maybe its dissociation(sp?) I've had that feeling before after a heavy drinking session. I was aware of everything but felt like I was in a dream like state. Very weird feeling. I hope you dont have any lasting damage from the attempt.
Me? Nah not good my friend but not gonna hijack your thread, that's for another post, thank you for asking.

 

[FuneralCry]

That sounds like a really awful experience what you went through, to me the thought of a suicide method going wrong really is something so horrific. But anyway I wish you the best.

 

[Never Alive]

How much did you take?

 

[ever so lonely]

errrrm i not too sure buds but it would have been just a little amount, i am shocked at how potent it is, maybe a couple of teaspoons ?, but in diluted water, it is crazy how much i was vomiting overs such a little amount, so it makes me wonder what if i had took the whole 100g, do you think with alcohol or antiemetics the process would be easier ?, i hope so, because the feeling was so unpleasant, more than i thought it would be

 

[jolongone]

Sending thoughts to you, a really heart breaking sequence of events you describe and best wishes for you to return to some kind of normality over the coming days. I have posed the question before but would this method not be better suited to boofing as opposed to taken orally? The colon does after all quickly absorb salts, water and nutrients that are yet to be digested by the rest of the system plus there is much less risk of rejection by the body. I have no doubt it may still be a hard way to go even then but it would reach a point where a person simply passed out and then nature would take its course.

I was thinking about that too, l read somewhere that it just took longer for capsules to dissolve or do you do an enema?

 

[Never Alive]

errrrm i not too sure buds but it would have been just a little amount, i am shocked at how potent it is, maybe a couple of teaspoons ?, but in diluted water, it is crazy how much i was vomiting overs such a little amount, so it makes me wonder what if i had took the whole 100g, do you think with alcohol or antiemetics the process would be easier ?, i hope so, because the feeling was so unpleasant, more than i thought it would be

Hmm yeah 100grams might be overkill. I don't think that's it chief. But that means you opened one 50g bag and used up like 10g or so?