I failed CO suicide

[doxyquill]

I failed a CO suicide in the back of my van a week ago.

bbqs, benzos, alcohol and sleeping tablets. I lit the bbqs and passed out quickly from the drugs and alcohol. I woke up covered in my own vomit and totally delirious. Wanted to drive home to get a shower but police showed up after being reported missing and taken to ER.

Sent to a psych ward straight after discharge from hospital when my CO level returned to normal.

Co in blood was 26%. Wasn't given oxygen which I'm pretty pissed about because it may have saved some brain cells.

Super worried now about the delayed brain damage showing up. But I geuss I can't do anything about it now.

I totally thought that was it man. I thought I had fallen asleep for the last time. Not sure how I feel now to be honest, kinda in a state of purgatory where I still don't want to live in pain of my mistakes and miserable life but I don't have the energy to try and leave again.

 

[eternal_life]

Oh my God. Man, I'm so sorry you had that experience, it must have been horrible. It is already hard to have the courage to finally try CTB, but then having to go through the hospital, the psych ward... ugh, it must have been terrible.

Let's hope there's no brain damage. I'm inclined to think that as the days and weeks go by you'll feel better, not worse. So if you don´t feel too bad now, i don´t think it will be worse. I would recommend that you rest as much as you can during the next weeks, of course, and that you recover from this experience, which has surely been traumatic.

CO has been one of the first methods that I personally thought of, but it is seen that it is not that easy, and the fear of brain damage is there. Many thanks for sharing your experience, It is useful to remind the rest of us how difficult CTB is, and to be prepared for any outcome.

I send you a very very big hug and quick recovery.

 

[doxyquill]

Oh my God. Man, I'm so sorry you had that experience, it must have been horrible. It is already hard to have the courage to finally try CTB, but then having to go through the hospital, the psych ward... ugh, it must have been terrible.

Let's hope there's no brain damage. I'm inclined to think that as the days and weeks go by you'll feel better, not worse. So if you don´t feel too bad now, i don´t think it will be worse. I would recommend that you rest as much as you can during the next weeks, of course, and that you recover from this experience, which has surely been traumatic.

CO has been one of the first methods that I personally thought of, but it is seen that it is not that easy, and the fear of brain damage is there. Many thanks for sharing your experience, It is useful to remind the rest of us how difficult CTB is, and to be prepared for any outcome.

I send you a very very big hug and quick recovery.

Yeah man it's been pretty mind fucking.

I'm quite young and reasonably healthy so I hope I have gotten away with it. Was unconscious for a while though around 8 hours so I'm not too convinced there won't be any damage. Can show up anywhere up to 40 days after exposure so just playing the waiting game now.

I'm not sure what I'm going to do now. Just kinda existing and totally numb. Thanks for the comment

 

[Riddle]

I failed a CO suicide in the back of my van a week ago.

bbqs, benzos, alcohol and sleeping tablets. I lit the bbqs and passed out quickly from the drugs and alcohol. I woke up covered in my own vomit and totally delirious. Wanted to drive home to get a shower but police showed up after being reported missing and taken to ER.

Sent to a psych ward straight after discharge from hospital when my CO level returned to normal.

Co in blood was 26%. Wasn't given oxygen which I'm pretty pissed about because it may have saved some brain cells.

Super worried now about the delayed brain damage showing up. But I geuss I can't do anything about it now.

I totally thought that was it man. I thought I had fallen asleep for the last time. Not sure how I feel now to be honest, kinda in a state of purgatory where I still don't want to live in pain of my mistakes and miserable life but I don't have the energy to try and leave again.

Damn, that sounded like a good way to go. BBQs in a tent or my car is on my list as well with some benzo's, man nothinng really is 100% is it other than maybe a shotgun to the brainstem

well it sounds like you may be happy to have survived, maybe try to make the most out of the second chance

 

[doxyquill]

Damn, that sounded like a good way to go. BBQs in a tent or my car is on my list as well with some benzo's, man nothinng really is 100% is it other than maybe a shotgun to the brainstem

well it sounds like you may be happy to have survived, maybe try to make the most out of the second chance

Nah man, and the cost of failure is heavy.

Not sure if I'm happy to have survived im definitely disappointed but too shaken up at the minute to try again you know.

 

[Capsaicin78]

Im sorry this happened to you. We put people through so much pain only because we limit access to methods such as N.

 

[locked*n*loaded]

CO is a reliable way to go if it's done right. You need to be sure you generate enough CO to get levels very high, and at a faster rate than what is being lost through leakage in whatever enclosure you choose. If you get the levels up high enough, there should be no need for alcohol , benzos, sleeping tablets, or anything else that only result in shallow breathing and hinder the intake of the CO. Getting levels up about 10000 PPM is crucial. With levels up that high, unconsciousness will occur in a few breaths, and death shortly after. Like any other method, doing your homework first about your method is critical if you want to have success. Regarding the CO method, if you don't do your homework and mitigate all/most of the potential pitfalls, you can seriously screw yourself up.

 

[tym]

This is why the using of pills or this or that worry me. I have my sure fire it wont fail method, just kinda feel bad for who ever runs across me. Just the only way to be 100 percent sure it wont fail, and goodness knows I have researched this one. Probably the only reason I am still around. I think I may have an idea to deal with who finds me. Still working on that one.

 

[Euthanza]

I'm sorry you have to experience this, may be the CO concentration wasn't fatal enough?
I really can relate how devastating a failed attempt was. I wish you speedy recovery both mental and physical.

 

[FuneralCry]

That sounds really awful what you are going through. Failing ctb is what I fear and is what holds me back from attempting. In an ideal world none of us would have to worry about the method failing and be able to exit in a peaceful and reliable way. I wish you relief from suffering.

 

[wlhenry]

Sorry to hear that you failed

 

[hellispink]

CO is a reliable way to go if it's done right. You need to be sure you generate enough CO to get levels very high, and at a faster rate than what is being lost through leakage in whatever enclosure you choose. If you get the levels up high enough, there should be no need for alcohol , benzos, sleeping tablets, or anything else that only result in shallow breathing and hinder the intake of the CO. Getting levels up about 10000 PPM is crucial. With levels up that high, unconsciousness will occur in a few breaths, and death shortly after. Like any other method, doing your homework first about your method is critical if you want to have success. Regarding the CO method, if you don't do your homework and mitigate all/most of the potential pitfalls, you can seriously screw yourself up.

How can one make sure to get that amount of PPM?