I eat because I'm unhappy and I'm unhappy because I eat

[Kimlett]

I fear that I won't be able to lose weight because there's a huge painful void inside me that is only relieved with food. I've tried vaping and weed, but they are nothing compared to food. Maybe nothing can make that void tolerable like food does. I feel this void since I can remember and I think it will stay until I die.

What were my copes as a child besides food? Videogames, comics, movies, music. But nowadays I don't care about any of that, they lost their spark. I don't feel like doing anything. I eat because I'm unhappy and I'm unhappy because I eat (yes, like fat bastard from austin powers lol), and I don't know how to break that cycle. I'm starting therapy (again lol) and doing a ketamine treatment soon, I hope that helps.

Have you ever felt this way? What do you think I could do to relieve the pain of the void? Any ideas or encouragement are highly appreciated.

 

[Rabscuttle]

Have you looked into meal replacement shakes like Huel, Soylent or jimmy joy? Easy way to measure calories, plus they're cheap and relatively healthy.

But the truth is, overeating or any form of overconsumption is hard to tackle until you can start to be more mindful of your thoughts, to be able to sit and reflect before you engage in your vice. It takes practice, mindfulness and yoga are great places to start, but the foundation really needs to be laid with self compassion or at least self neutrality. Once we shift from thinking how pathetic we are, how much we've failed, to we truly deserve better, we can start to make progress. Gotta wrest control from our subconscious. It can be done!

 

[hang in there]

I mean... it's a terrible idea but what about alcohol, lol. As an alcoholic that's the only thing to ever fill my black hole.
I have gained a lot of weight due to booze and meds and it is a huge struggle to change my eating habits and stick to a healthier diet for longer than a week or two. It is really hard to ignore hunger and to stop eating like crap out of boredom.
Do you like cooking? It helps to cook your own delicious meals made of healthier ingredients rather than get chips or instant microwave shit or sweets. If you can get full on non-junk then you can still have some junk but it won't be as damaging to your body.
And have you ever tried documenting your diet and calories? I use myfitnesspal and it feels really good to see numbers on a screen going in the right direction, even if I sometimes (or a lot of times) fuck up.
I hope ketamine helps you, anhedonia is hell and it is very hard to function with it.