I drive ppl away , age regression?

[melancholymallory03]

I feel like sometimes I don't " act my age " I have some special interests and things that seem a bit younger I guess like a collection of dolls that comfort me. It goes on and off a bit but I cycle between them a little bit but not much. I feel like I drive everyone away by being a weirdo , I've felt so alone and weird. Yesterday was my birthday I was drunk for the three days prior. Feeling like shit and skipped to many doses of my medications, want to more alert and present but I feel fogggy and blank right now. I've been having a lot of flashbacks too . I'm happy atleast I have some things to " comfort me " but i also feel more ashamed and out of place just being so weird , impulsively hung out with a guy after the bar and he told me i should " act my age " I wasn't sure how im not but i just went and stayed and isolated myself more because maybe he's right? I just don't know , I think i do so much masking it slips off sometimes , I try my fucking best though. I feel so strange , and isolated. I don't know why I've been age regressive again maybe I am a fucking weirdo, sometimes I just want to feel light and immature and forget what's going on but I can't handle the stress of anything, when I feel woozy Ike this it's hard to get much done. I'm chalking it off to a 20th birthday " crisis " because of how many expectations and lrsssures I feel turning and I just felt even more alien to society. Last night I was sitting on the ledge of my window , 17th floor up and I could see myself jump, I wanted to run and jump so badly , I was scared I saw a video of someone getting there skull smashed right in after and I don't wanna land head first, wondering if I could wear a life jacket. Not even sure. Now all I'm doing is waiting on money for a VPN because I'm paranoid , then I can order SN and prepare for my peaceful exit. I thought I swore I could of jumped. But a cold drop to the pavement on my head seemed a bit scary. I wish I could just leave my body , my mind wants to leave my body because the earth hurts my body, society hurts my body. I want to be trees and flowers or even a rock. Hell I'd rather be a rock than a person.

 

[Gardenboy]

Saw someone say they feel "perma age regressed" and I've never felt something fit so much

 

[smvrtsa]

honestly FUCK acting your age, that shit is so overrated. it's for boring well adjusted people with the personality of uncooked pasta. i hope in your next life (if ur into that) you get to be the most beautiful tree with a cute family of squirrels in ur branches.

 

[melancholymallory03]

Saw someone say they feel "perma age regressed" and I've never felt something fit so much

It's so confusing but it's so relatable :/

honestly FUCK acting your age, that shit is so overrated. it's for boring well adjusted people with the personality of uncooked pasta. i hope in your next life (if ur into that) you get to be the most beautiful tree with a cute family of squirrels in ur branches.

thank you, and same to you, whatever you're wishing for . I hope it comes to you, and peace on you're journey

 

[LaughingGoat]

I'm not sure what other ways you act that you feel you show age regression, but I've know plenty of grown women who have dolls/plushy toys/girly rooms and were mature & well-adjusted so I wouldn't be hard on yourself for that.

 

[melancholymallory03]

I'm not sure what other ways you act that you feel you show age regression, but I've know plenty of grown women who have dolls/plushy toys/girly rooms and were mature & well-adjusted so I wouldn't be hard on yourself for that.

It goes a bit deeper than that but I'll spare you the details
Let's just say sometimes I feel cloudy and I'm crying like a baby and saying mom , ( in the comfort of my own home don't worry not in public ) over and over, and then having flashbacks of being at my babysitters house , the toys , they aren't rly toys that I like. I think I just have a few special interests that seem immature , like furbies ….. ah ….. and lalaloopsy dolls.

I am not always like this , I can mask it

I think it's because I was forced to grow up to fast.

some times I feel much younger , I have a little space in my closet where I do colouring and I hide some of my stupidly immature stuff ( I love tho ) lol …. I understand like socially it's off putting to others …. Unless they are neurodivergent most of the time but interestingly me and neurodivergent people don't always get along like two peas in a pod like some may think we all do , like actually we struggle to communicate way hard .. I think I'm pretty high functioning though ah


I guess I'm not sure what the levels to age regression or if there's a definition of what it even is , I feel like it's because I feel robbed of my childhood but at the same time that's nobody's problem except mine so I try to keep these things pretty secret and to avoid embarrassing myself lol , i think it's totally fine for adults and people to have stuffed animals at an older age I just worry sometimes about this weeping child inside of me that seems to be surrounded by a silhouette of pain from being forced to grow up so fast … I am mature , really in real life I am . Things are wacky I guess , do u have any references for age regression I should look into? It's not something I want to totally stop doing I suppose but I could possibly deal with the feelings somehow and resentment towards my parents

 

[LaughingGoat]

It goes a bit deeper than that but I'll spare you the details
Let's just say sometimes I feel cloudy and I'm crying like a baby and saying mom , ( in the comfort of my own home don't worry not in public ) over and over, and then having flashbacks of being at my babysitters house , the toys , they aren't rly toys that I like. I think I just have a few special interests that seem immature , like furbies ….. ah ….. and lalaloopsy dolls.

I am not always like this , I can mask it

I think it's because I was forced to grow up to fast.

some times I feel much younger , I have a little space in my closet where I do colouring and I hide some of my stupidly immature stuff ( I love tho ) lol …. I understand like socially it's off putting to others …. Unless they are neurodivergent most of the time but interestingly me and neurodivergent people don't always get along like two peas in a pod like some may think we all do , like actually we struggle to communicate way hard .. I think I'm pretty high functioning though ah


I guess I'm not sure what the levels to age regression or if there's a definition of what it even is , I feel like it's because I feel robbed of my childhood but at the same time that's nobody's problem except mine so I try to keep these things pretty secret and to avoid embarrassing myself lol , i think it's totally fine for adults and people to have stuffed animals at an older age I just worry sometimes about this weeping child inside of me that seems to be surrounded by a silhouette of pain from being forced to grow up so fast … I am mature , really in real life I am . Things are wacky I guess , do u have any references for age regression I should look into? It's not something I want to totally stop doing I suppose but I could possibly deal with the feelings somehow and resentment towards my parents

I actually think you have a pretty good perspective and awareness on it given what you've expounded on, since you understand what behaviors of yours are typical of regression, how others may perceive those behaviors, and what parts of your development may have caused its emergence. Usually, clinical assessments will categorize regression as voluntary or involuntary. Basically whether the behaviors typical of regression are conscious, intended behaviors or more of an impulse response. What you described sounds to me like involuntary, but not something I would want to say concretely. I'm obviously suicidal so not talking you out of anything, but if you are still interested in working through things in life I would recommend therapy to focus on this. I know people have varying opinions on therapy here and not sure if you have done so, but if you work with a good therapist who understands your goals and you are compatible with, you may gain more insight to those feelings that fuel the regression & how it may relate to your parents and the speed you were forced to mature. Like you said, it's not something you need to stop totally doing; the coloring in a small, quiet space & toys aren't maladaptive behaviors and there's nothing wrong with having things about you some would consider quirky. Never met an interesting person who didn't have some quirks.

Below is a study that describes age regression. Also wanted to add you may hear of age regression also being used as a form of hypnosis therapy to access childhood memories, but that is different from what you are discussing (just so you aren't confused if you come across it in research).

https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC4578899/

 

[BrainShower]

I don't feel too much different at 44 than I did at 10. Except that life sucks more now.
People told me i acted old then, and people think I'm a moron now.
I don't give a rats ass. I am who I am. Moron or genius, doesn't change who I am or what I feel.

 

[alltoomuch2]

I feel like sometimes I don't " act my age " I have some special interests and things that seem a bit younger I guess like a collection of dolls that comfort me. It goes on and off a bit but I cycle between them a little bit but not much. I feel like I drive everyone away by being a weirdo , I've felt so alone and weird. Yesterday was my birthday I was drunk for the three days prior. Feeling like shit and skipped to many doses of my medications, want to more alert and present but I feel fogggy and blank right now. I've been having a lot of flashbacks too . I'm happy atleast I have some things to " comfort me " but i also feel more ashamed and out of place just being so weird , impulsively hung out with a guy after the bar and he told me i should " act my age " I wasn't sure how im not but i just went and stayed and isolated myself more because maybe he's right? I just don't know , I think i do so much masking it slips off sometimes , I try my fucking best though. I feel so strange , and isolated. I don't know why I've been age regressive again maybe I am a fucking weirdo, sometimes I just want to feel light and immature and forget what's going on but I can't handle the stress of anything, when I feel woozy Ike this it's hard to get much done. I'm chalking it off to a 20th birthday " crisis " because of how many expectations and lrsssures I feel turning and I just felt even more alien to society. Last night I was sitting on the ledge of my window , 17th floor up and I could see myself jump, I wanted to run and jump so badly , I was scared I saw a video of someone getting there skull smashed right in after and I don't wanna land head first, wondering if I could wear a life jacket. Not even sure. Now all I'm doing is waiting on money for a VPN because I'm paranoid , then I can order SN and prepare for my peaceful exit. I thought I swore I could of jumped. But a cold drop to the pavement on my head seemed a bit scary. I wish I could just leave my body , my mind wants to leave my body because the earth hurts my body, society hurts my body. I want to be trees and flowers or even a rock. Hell I'd rather be a rock than a person.

Could this be past trauma? Could you be autistic? I know trauma as a child can kind of lock you at the age the trauma occurred.

I'm not sure what other ways you act that you feel you show age regression, but I've know plenty of grown women who have dolls/plushy toys/girly rooms and were mature & well-adjusted so I wouldn't be hard on yourself for that.

I have toys and gloves puppets.

 

[melancholymallory03]

I actually think you have a pretty good perspective and awareness on it given what you've expounded on, since you understand what behaviors of yours are typical of regression, how others may perceive those behaviors, and what parts of your development may have caused its emergence. Usually, clinical assessments will categorize regression as voluntary or involuntary. Basically whether the behaviors typical of regression are conscious, intended behaviors or more of an impulse response. What you described sounds to me like involuntary, but not something I would want to say concretely. I'm obviously suicidal so not talking you out of anything, but if you are still interested in working through things in life I would recommend therapy to focus on this. I know people have varying opinions on therapy here and not sure if you have done so, but if you work with a good therapist who understands your goals and you are compatible with, you may gain more insight to those feelings that fuel the regression & how it may relate to your parents and the speed you were forced to mature. Like you said, it's not something you need to stop totally doing; the coloring in a small, quiet space & toys aren't maladaptive behaviors and there's nothing wrong with having things about you some would consider quirky. Never met an interesting person who didn't have some quirks.

Below is a study that describes age regression. Also wanted to add you may hear of age regression also being used as a form of hypnosis therapy to access childhood memories, but that is different from what you are discussing (just so you aren't confused if you come across it in research).

https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC4578899/

I don't feel too much different at 44 than I did at 10. Except that life sucks more now.
People told me i acted old then, and people think I'm a moron now.
I don't give a rats ass. I am who I am. Moron or genius, doesn't change who I am or what I feel.

This made me smile lol, I don't give a rats ass is a good way to express oneself. I might tell my mom that next time she asks me for something LOL
I'm wishing you peace on you're journey , and freedom from all suffering

Could this be past trauma? Could you be autistic? I know trauma as a child can kind of lock you at the age the trauma occurred.

I have toys and gloves puppets.

I think it could be a combination of both, the problem is socially it creates many barriers for me , at a glance I might seem normal but I'm always left feeling completely alien and like many I'm sure , it's just harder to connect with people but the relationships I do have I value , although I feel like a strong burden. I've tried to build as much independence as possible , it's not like my parents will ever apologize for what they've done anyways , and things could be worse I guess. I'm scared of therapy because I had one very bad experience it was quite upsetting and still upsets me to this day, I always try to do my own ctb so I can atleast get stuff done without the swarm of thoughts and then a meltdown / isolation period.

I just wanna grasp on my life, I know ctb is the only way evidently and soon enough I'll truly be okay…. It's just a shame that in doing so it can't be easier , it's so exhausting sometimes to even do the smallest of tasks …. I have to find motivation to prepare to ctb but I am a bit hopeful now I've saved some money for SN ANd I'm going to risk buying it soon , I just will completely breakdown if the police or anyone comes ….

 

[eatantz]

What dolls do you collect?

 

[calebzz1]

I feel the same way honestly, after what happened to my vision I act a bit immature and just go with the flow...it's probably a trauma based reaction.

You're not alone.