Help I dread my life after the temporary distraction ends

[LonelyPrince]

Everytime I numb myself by searching for people to be with, places to be or videogames to play with.
As soon as I'm about to stop talking to someone I dread the moment where I'm back by myself with nothing to distract myself from the pain.
It's horrible. So fucking horrible.
I just search for endless distractions from my pain. I post-pone drawing because it hurts me. I post-pone responsibilities because I'm scared.
My life is just an endless distraction from the torment.

Someone help. Help.

 

[WPeregrine]

I feel the same... I've gotten so good at distracting myself that I feel kind of ok most of the time, but ultimately the things that actually matter to me don't get done... And everytime those things catch up with me, I just want to ctb.... The solution is very simple, just do those things that matter, and be happy - rationally I know it works like this, but my mind just seems to have forgotten how to find motivation for anything other than distractions....

I'm sorry I've not got any real answer for you.. but you're not alone at least...

 

[always_a_crossroads]

I hear you. I'm sorry you're going through that.

For me, it's been like that since a mental health episode - suddenly I was unable to be by myself or have unstructured time. It felt unbearable.
I planned and booked as much of my time as I could - sports and classes at the YMCA, documentaries and lectures at the library, time with friends and acquaintances, free galleries in my area, online groups (like Emotions Anonymous), anything I could get my hands on.
The only satisfaction or positive emotion I felt was when I looked at my calendar and it was filled up morning to evening, and I knew, 'at least I have THIS day handled'.

I don't have answers, but here's some things that helped me:
-prescription medications (Lorazepam in my case) - it took the edge off. I don't know if you have the option to access a psychiatrist (or if you've tried already), but if you can, it might help to talk to them.
-continuing to book up as much time as I could, until being by myself gradually became more bearable
-keeping a list of things I can fill my time with in a pinch ("vacuum, ride the bike, wash the dishes, talk to Claude AI," etc)
-getting a colouring book and a craft set. (I hate colouring and crafts, but doing it and hating it was better than doing nothing)
-this one is grim, but: accepting that this is how my life is right now - that it's borderline unbearable, that there's no escape, and that I have no rescue or solutions except "keep doing what I'm doing" - fill up as much time as possible and hope it eventually gets better. In my case, I found that wishing for a way out made me even more frantic, so I told myself "get used to the idea that for now, this is it".

In my case, it improved with time. It took months the first time, weeks the second time, and I dread the day it happens again, because it probably will. But at this time, I can have unstructured time by myself and be OK.
I hope it improves for you too. Sending you good wishes.

 

[LonelyPrince]

I hear you. I'm sorry you're going through that.

For me, it's been like that since a mental health episode - suddenly I was unable to be by myself or have unstructured time. It felt unbearable.
I planned and booked as much of my time as I could - sports and classes at the YMCA, documentaries and lectures at the library, time with friends and acquaintances, free galleries in my area, online groups (like Emotions Anonymous), anything I could get my hands on.
The only satisfaction or positive emotion I felt was when I looked at my calendar and it was filled up morning to evening, and I knew, 'at least I have THIS day handled'.

I don't have answers, but here's some things that helped me:
-prescription medications (Lorazepam in my case) - it took the edge off. I don't know if you have the option to access a psychiatrist (or if you've tried already), but if you can, it might help to talk to them.
-continuing to book up as much time as I could, until being by myself gradually became more bearable
-keeping a list of things I can fill my time with in a pinch ("vacuum, ride the bike, wash the dishes, talk to Claude AI," etc)
-getting a colouring book and a craft set. (I hate colouring and crafts, but doing it and hating it was better than doing nothing)
-this one is grim, but: accepting that this is how my life is right now - that it's borderline unbearable, that there's no escape, and that I have no rescue or solutions except "keep doing what I'm doing" - fill up as much time as possible and hope it eventually gets better. In my case, I found that wishing for a way out made me even more frantic, so I told myself "get used to the idea that for now, this is it".

In my case, it improved with time. It took months the first time, weeks the second time, and I dread the day it happens again, because it probably will. But at this time, I can have unstructured time by myself and be OK.
I hope it improves for you too. Sending you good wishes.

I already have a psychiatrist and take my prescribed meds but it seems as though I've already gotten used to them. It's difficult for me to do anything as simple as buying something. I just stay in bed or at my computer while calling with friends, searching for anyone available.