Venting i don't want to wait

[sweetdrowning]

i don't want to wait for the right moment to ctb i don't want to have to wait until im alone for days i just want it to be over. i just want to die. i just want my eternal dream. i can't stand it anymore. each day is a confusing jumble and dance of words and feelings and all we do is bounce off of each other hurt each other break each others hearts over and over again. i used to think that was so beautiful but i just can't stand it anymore. i hate how we evolved as a species, i want to be something else, in a different timeline, or something not human at all. i want to ctb and fall asleep into the dream world i created in my mind. its so much more peaceful there.

i am just so tired. i sleep for hours and wake up and wish to be asleep. nothing can fix me. i just want a hug. i just want her hugs again. i want to sleep next to her again. if i'm gone i could live in my mind with her forever.