I don't want to participate in it, but I do sort of want to observe it. It's all madness. It sucks that I can't only observe it though, people's insanity has an effect on me as well in this shared reality. I'm also feeling so ill and tired that I don't have the energy to witness all this shit unfold in society in this body I'm currently in.
At the same time I think we're living the craziest and sort of coolest times in human history in a way, but it makes me frustrated to realize that I've messed my own life and body up so bad that now I just regret each day that I live more and more. I know I'm just prolonging my life by a couple days, weeks at most right now. All while I ultimately have a strong feeling that I'm making a mistake if I keep on prolonging it much further. Soon..