I dont want to die the way my body wants me to

[failingthroughlife]

For the past 7 months of my life my physical health has been very bad, I have lost a lot of weight and im in constant agony. I currently weigh 33kg and I already feel as though my body is shutting down. While to some this could be seen as a blessing, I cannot die like this, its going to be slow and painful and I don't want those around me to watch me turn into nothing.
I want to take matters into my own hands, I am simply in too much pain everyday and I cannot keep going like this. The doctors have no idea what is wrong with me and this isnt something I want to fight anymore.
I have access to a fair amount of tramadol, amitriptyline and anti sickness tablets, but I cannot for the life of me work out how much I'd need to take to be successful. I have looked through here but I get so confused by the numbers! I am looking into other methods by I am physically very weak at the moment so OD does seem like the easiest option. I know I could wait this out but to put it simply I do not want to, I am in so much pain everyday and its only getting worse!
Any advice or suggestions would be greatly appreciated and I thank you for taking the time to read this.

 

[hi-okbye]

i'm in no way a professional, but i'm pretty sure the tramadol is the only thing that will work, maybe mixed with other things. i understand the struggle of trying to understand the numbers and everything, it can be so difficult at times :(
i know od's seem like the best option, but personally i belive it's the worst, especially in your case. an od is very likely to fail, making your situation and your health even worse. i recommend partial or full hanging, it shouldn't take too much energy or effort.
good luck and i hope you feel better soon. if you don't mind me asking, how did you end up getting like that?

 

[failingthroughlife]

i'm in no way a professional, but i'm pretty sure the tramadol is the only thing that will work, maybe mixed with other things. i understand the struggle of trying to understand the numbers and everything, it can be so difficult at times :(
i know od's seem like the best option, but personally i belive it's the worst, especially in your case. an od is very likely to fail, making your situation and your health even worse. i recommend partial or full hanging, it shouldn't take too much energy or effort.
good luck and i hope you feel better soon. if you don't mind me asking, how did you end up getting like that?

Thank you for your reply! Thats something im going to look into so its really helpful ◡̈
I noticed that I'd lost a lot of weight but I also had a lot of other things going on- severe abdominal pain, unusual bleeding and other things. For three months I was under investigation for cancer but nothing was found, there was something on my liver on my CT scan but there was no follow up. No matter how much I eat, I still loose weight and it's at the point now where normal tasks are almost impossible ◠̈

 

[hi-okbye]

Thank you for your reply! Thats something im going to look into so its really helpful ◡̈
I noticed that I'd lost a lot of weight but I also had a lot of other things going on- severe abdominal pain, unusual bleeding and other things. For three months I was under investigation for cancer but nothing was found, there was something on my liver on my CT scan but there was no follow up. No matter how much I eat, I still loose weight and it's at the point now where normal tasks are almost impossible ◠̈

i'm so sorry that must be such a horrible thing to go through :(
i can't imagine how horrible it is to just watch your body disintegrate before your eyes and be able to do nothing about it.
i hope you find a way out soon. just curious, is this the only reason you want to ctb or are there others?

 

[failingthroughlife]

i'm so sorry that must be such a horrible thing to go through :(
i can't imagine how horrible it is to just watch your body disintegrate before your eyes and be able to do nothing about it.
i hope you find a way out soon. just curious, is this the only reason you want to ctb or are there others?

It's very hard I wont lie- Today I've been weeing blood and thats v scary!
In the past I've considered it because of trauma and mental health problems, though this does play a part in why I want to ctb, the main reason is my physical health, it feels very different for that to be the reason

 

[Praestat_Mori]

amitriptyline

I'm sorry you have to suffer so much. Here's a guide :

Amitriptyline guide

Translation from German "Selbstbestimmt Sterben - Handreichung für einen rationalen Suizid (German Edition) Jessica Düber Amitriptyline guide "Tricyclic antidepressants General info Tricyclic antidepressants are psychotropic drugs with a general mood-lifting...

www.sanctioned-suicide.net

 

[novi.jpg]

For the past 7 months of my life my physical health has been very bad, I have lost a lot of weight and im in constant agony. I currently weigh 33kg and I already feel as though my body is shutting down. While to some this could be seen as a blessing, I cannot die like this, its going to be slow and painful and I don't want those around me to watch me turn into nothing.
I want to take matters into my own hands, I am simply in too much pain everyday and I cannot keep going like this. The doctors have no idea what is wrong with me and this isnt something I want to fight anymore.
I have access to a fair amount of tramadol, amitriptyline and anti sickness tablets, but I cannot for the life of me work out how much I'd need to take to be successful. I have looked through here but I get so confused by the numbers! I am looking into other methods by I am physically very weak at the moment so OD does seem like the easiest option. I know I could wait this out but to put it simply I do not want to, I am in so much pain everyday and its only getting worse!
Any advice or suggestions would be greatly appreciated and I thank you for taking the time to read this.

I'm deeply sorry to hear about the immense physical pain and distress you're experiencing. It sounds like you're facing an incredibly difficult situation, and it's understandable to feel overwhelmed and desperate for relief.

 

[failingthroughlife]

I'm sorry you have to suffer so much. Here's a guide :

Amitriptyline guide

Translation from German "Selbstbestimmt Sterben - Handreichung für einen rationalen Suizid (German Edition) Jessica Düber Amitriptyline guide "Tricyclic antidepressants General info Tricyclic antidepressants are psychotropic drugs with a general mood-lifting...

www.sanctioned-suicide.net

This is really useful- Thank you!!

 

[hi-okbye]

It's very hard I wont lie- Today I've been weeing blood and thats v scary!
In the past I've considered it because of trauma and mental health problems, though this does play a part in why I want to ctb, the main reason is my physical health, it feels very different for that to be the reason

oh my god that sounds so rough, your so brave <3
i wish there was something i could say to make it better :(
if you every need someone to talk to or vent to i'm here, sending much love

 

[Jolene79]

Have you had a scope into your bowel and other tests? If you're bleeding there's clear objective evidence something is happening to cause this. I have had a fistula where inflammation in the backside came through and I was weeing blood. It was from inflammatory bowel disease which I still suffer from. This absolutely messes with your mental health. Loss of weight and nutritional side effects equally mess with your mental state.

Where is your pain and what is it like?

If you're way beyond all this and are thinking stfu I totally get it btw

 

[failingthroughlife]

Have you had a scope into your bowel and other tests? If you're bleeding there's clear objective evidence something is happening to cause this. I have had a fistula where inflammation in the backside came through and I was weeing blood. It was from inflammatory bowel disease which I still suffer from. This absolutely messes with your mental health. Loss of weight and nutritional side effects equally mess with your mental state.

Where is your pain and what is it like?

If you're way beyond all this and are thinking stfu I totally get it btw

Helloooo, honestly I've had almost every test known to man! my poor arms feel like theres no blood left!! I think they did test for IBD and I was in the clear so it's a strange one! I really hope you are feeling/ doing okay!!
The pain is more in my pelvic area but shoots higher up, recently I've been having agonising chest pain ◠̈