I don't want to die, but my chronic illness makes life unbearable

[mybladderhurts]

When an animal is sick and suffering, it's considered merciful to euthanize it. I wish this same mercy was offered to people.

4 years ago, I was diagnosed with interstitial cystitis and endometriosis, and I have been in 24/7 horrific pain ever since. At the time of my diagnosis, I had just graduated college, moved to a new state, started a new job, and was generally excited about life. Being diagnosed with an incurable disease was traumatic, but I swore to never give up until I found relief. I saw over a dozen doctors and went through countless traumatic treatments. Every. Single. Treatment. Failed.

Now, I live on survival mode. I wake up, work, eat, exercise, sleep. Every moment is overshadowed by my pain. I don't want to die, but I've realized it's my only escape from this never-ending pain. The thought of suicide feels comforting to me now.

The only problem is, I don't know how. I know there's ample resources here, but I'm in too much pain and have too little mental energy to go through them yet—it's overwhelming. I'm scared of messing up and leaving myself with even more health problems, but in the meantime, I'm looking forward to getting to know this community.

 

[Klo]

Very sorry to hear you are going through this it sounds very challenging.

 

[LastNightOfTheWorld]

I feel very similarly, my time frame for my chronic condition is relatively new compared to yours. In my case, I developed loud tinnitus in my right ear that's been completely disruptive and debilitating. I know some people who develop tinnitus have it much worse, but, for myself, I'm finding it quite difficult to just be who I was. Depression and anxiety has become dominant in my life, and I do a fraction of what I used to do. I can't even work at least at the moment, and I'm the primary bread earner of my family. I'm trying what I can to cope, but I feel like I'm slowly losing the battle.

I'm new to this site, so I'm guessing DM'ing doesn't work for me yet, but is there a way to hear more about what you're dealing with chronically (the both of you)?

 

[mybladderhurts]

I'm so sorry to hear about your tinnitus. My father has it quite badly, so I've seen firsthand how horrible it can be. I'm also new to the site, so I'm not sure how DM'ing works yet.

I feel very similarly, my time frame for my chronic condition is relatively new compared to yours. In my case, I developed loud tinnitus in my right ear that's been completely disruptive and debilitating. I know some people who develop tinnitus have it much worse, but, for myself, I'm finding it quite difficult to just be who I was. Depression and anxiety has become dominant in my life, and I do a fraction of what I used to do. I can't even work at least at the moment, and I'm the primary bread earner of my family. I'm trying what I can to cope, but I feel like I'm slowly losing the battle.

I'm new to this site, so I'm guessing DM'ing doesn't work for me yet, but is there a way to hear more about what you're dealing with chronically (the both of you)?

 

[LastNightOfTheWorld]

I'm so sorry to hear about your tinnitus. My father has it quite badly, so I've seen firsthand how horrible it can be. I'm also new to the site, so I'm not sure how DM'ing works yet.

Thanks for your condolences, it's been quite the life-changing experience. I'm also sorry to hear about your condition. I think DM'ing is disabled for new members until you create an undisclosed number of posts. Some say 10-15 or so. I really do want to hear more stories of what physical/chronic conditions people are experiencing that lead them to thoughts of suicide.

 

[FuneralCry]

That sounds so awful what you are going through and I'm sorry that you have to endure this suffering. To me, it is horrifying how so many health conditions exist in the first place and that our bodies are capable of torturing us so much.

It is cruel how people want to deny others the option of a peaceful exit, after all we live in a world where so much pain exists and things could easily get so much worse for anyone. The fear of failure is also what holds me back from ctb, and I wish that it is easier to leave this world more than anything. I hope that you find relief from suffering in whatever happens.

 

[Rational man]

Pain is an awful thing. We treat animals better when they are in pain.

 

[PrisonBreak]

Now, I live on survival mode. I wake up, work, eat, exercise, sleep. Every moment is overshadowed by my pain. I don't want to die, but I've realized it's my only escape from this never-ending pain.

Me too. I really do not want to die but my Tinnitus is too bad that i cannot function. I'm waiting for just the right moment to leave.

I'm sorry for your suffering and I wish nothing but the best for you.

In my case, I developed loud tinnitus in my right ear that's been completely disruptive and debilitating.

I am dealing with a catastrophic case of tinnitus. I understand what you are going through and I wish you well.

 

[LastNightOfTheWorld]

That sounds so awful what you are going through and I'm sorry that you have to endure this suffering. To me, it is horrifying how so many health conditions exist in the first place and that our bodies are capable of torturing us so much.

It is cruel how people want to deny others the option of a peaceful exit, after all we live in a world where so much pain exists and things could easily get so much worse for anyone. The fear of failure is also what holds me back from ctb, and I wish that it is easier to leave this world more than anything. I hope that you find relief from suffering in whatever happens.

Thank you, It really astonishing how our bodies malfunction--even at birth for many. It's like mainstream life and all the values that our movies and TV shows espouse are geared for the healthy. We don't teach ourselves as a society how to help each other cope with the variety of illnesses we endure

Me too. I really do not want to die but my Tinnitus is too bad that i cannot function. I'm waiting for just the right moment to leave.

I'm sorry for your suffering and I wish nothing but the best for you.

I am dealing with a catastrophic case of tinnitus. I understand what you are going through and I wish you well.

Honestly, it's good to make your acquaintance. Though I wouldn't wish this on anyone, it's good to meet someone who I can relate with. What is your T like and how long have you endured it?

Pain is an awful thing. We treat animals better when they are in pain.

I wish society was better structured to help with those in need

 

[CTBgenuine]

When an animal is sick and suffering, it's considered merciful to euthanize it. I wish this same mercy was offered to people.

4 years ago, I was diagnosed with interstitial cystitis and endometriosis, and I have been in 24/7 horrific pain ever since. At the time of my diagnosis, I had just graduated college, moved to a new state, started a new job, and was generally excited about life. Being diagnosed with an incurable disease was traumatic, but I swore to never give up until I found relief. I saw over a dozen doctors and went through countless traumatic treatments. Every. Single. Treatment. Failed.

Now, I live on survival mode. I wake up, work, eat, exercise, sleep. Every moment is overshadowed by my pain. I don't want to die, but I've realized it's my only escape from this never-ending pain. The thought of suicide feels comforting to me now.

The only problem is, I don't know how. I know there's ample resources here, but I'm in too much pain and have too little mental energy to go through them yet—it's overwhelming. I'm scared of messing up and leaving myself with even more health problems, but in the meantime, I'm looking forward to getting to know this community.

Sorry to hear this. Do you have a support network around you? Sounds like you need it

 

[PrisonBreak]

What is your T like and how long have you endured it?

It is extremely loud and intrusive in both ears and central(in the brain). I have had it since 2016. It was mild at first and could cope with it for a while but things started gradually getting worse a year ago. I believe noise and medication made it worse. I accepted it for a while, but as it got worse it started negatively affecting every aspect of my life.

How about you?

 

[LastNightOfTheWorld]

It is extremely loud and intrusive in both ears and central(in the brain). I have had it since 2016. It was mild at first and could cope with it for a while but things started gradually getting worse a year ago. I believe noise and medication made it worse. I accepted it for a while, but as it got worse it started negatively affecting every aspect of my life.

How about you?

I see, do you know if yours has to do with hearing loss?

For me, the majority of the noise (some days it's a loud hiss, some days it's very high pitched) is in my right ear. It started 2 months ago. What's been challenging (it sounds like a blessing but it's actually anxiety-inducing) is that some days like today, I barely hear it at all. So it's quite variable day by day in loudness and quality of sound.

Stress and sleep seem to be major factors, and my sleep apnea is a stressor, so I'm trying to get used to my new CPAP machine in hopes that I can control that stressor at least.

My best tactic so far is to see a chiropractor in hopes that there is a physical component to it all. There is some signs that it could be helping, but it's way too early to really tell.

You probably know better than me, but on the days it's screeching so loud, it just saps my will to live.

 

[wljourney]

Thank you, It really astonishing how our bodies malfunction--even at birth for many. It's like mainstream life and all the values that our movies and TV shows espouse are geared for the healthy. We don't teach ourselves as a society how to help each other cope with the variety of illnesses we endure

Honestly, it's good to make your acquaintance. Though I wouldn't wish this on anyone, it's good to meet someone who I can relate with. What is your T like and how long have you endured it?

I wish society was better structured to help with those in need

I am very sorry to hear you are in so much agony.
Sadly what you are describing are the very real difficulties that people with disabilities (PWD) face constantly.

We have failed as a society to accommodate the needs and frankly the rights of millions of people who barely survive and struggle unseen.

And sadly most of us only understand how desperately people suffer until we are affected ourselves.

Healthcare systems are designed for people who can improve, get better, but are very poorly prepared for those who can't get better. Who will live with pain for the rest of their lives.

I wish more people would see this without having to suffer.

Anyway.
Welcome to the forum and wishing you (all) the very best experience here.

 

[milkginger]

I'm sorry to hear you're suffering! I wish things were easier for you! I agree when you say that when an animal is suffering, it is considered a merciful act to sacrifice it. I wish you find peace and no more pain, under any circumstances

 

[PrisonBreak]

do you know if yours has to do with hearing loss?

Yes. It is related to hearing loss but I only have mild hearing loss with severe/catastrophic tinnitus. So I came to my own conclusion that there is more to it than just hearing problems.

 

[LastNightOfTheWorld]

Yes. It is related to hearing loss but I only have mild hearing loss with severe/catastrophic tinnitus. So I came to my own conclusion that there is more to it than just hearing problems.

I see, I also have mild hearing loss in both ears at the higher pitches, which an audiologist said was what likely put me at risk to begin with. I suppose you've tried a bunch of things to try to reduce it. I'm unfamiliar with what severe/catastrophic tinnitus precisely is, but I'm imagining it's quite loud and with a quality that's difficult to habituate to.

 

[Dizzylady80]

I'm sorry you're going through that, I also don't want to die but I've also got horrible 24/7 pain that doesn't respond to treatment. I have the best friends in the world, live in one of the most beautiful places on earth, and am generally very good at noticing the good in the world, but this shit is unbearable, and unfortunately getting progressively worse. I was unbelievable happy before this pain came back out of nowhere. I'm still trying to hold out because I've got a couple treatments left to try but I'm all out of options medication-wise and, as I'm sure you understand, having hope and losing it over and over again is soul-crushing. So I understand what you're going through. Have you exhausted all your treatment options?

 

[MsMaudlin]

I'm sorry that you are suffering. You're correct about animal euthanasia, we should have access to it as well.
I'm in terrible pain all the time. It's getting worse, combined with depression and anxiety.
I can't wait to go

❤

 

[whywhywhy]

I'm sorry that you are suffering. You're correct about animal euthanasia, we should have access to it as well.
I'm in terrible pain all the time. It's getting worse, combined with depression and anxiety.
I can't wait to go

❤

I would say what we need its even more basic than euthanasia since its something you can do it yourself instead of a medical assistant. Only those people who cant do it by theirselves would be needed for euthanasia

 

[LastNightOfTheWorld]

I'm sorry that you are suffering. You're correct about animal euthanasia, we should have access to it as well.
I'm in terrible pain all the time. It's getting worse, combined with depression and anxiety.
I can't wait to go

❤

Could I ask what pain you're experiencing?

 

[MsMaudlin]

Could I ask what pain you're experiencing?

I have osteoarthritis and fibromyalgia.

 

[PrincessInWhite]

My number one worst symptom is my bladder damage!! I have nerve damage and the severe urgency and frequency has literally ruined my life. I am so sorry you are suffering like this, they really don't take us seriously at all and just brush it off as "female problems"

 

[LastNightOfTheWorld]

My number one worst symptom is my bladder damage!! I have nerve damage and the severe urgency and frequency has literally ruined my life. I am so sorry you are suffering like this, they really don't take us seriously at all and just brush it off as "female problems"

I see, so you have a very frequent urge to urinate? Is t accompanied by pain?

 

[PrincessInWhite]

I see, so you have a very frequent urge to urinate? Is t accompanied by pain?

no I don't have pain but I can barely hold anything in my bladder and I have a condition that causes me to urinate more than usual so it's just a bunch of bad stuff combined and no doctors seem to give a shit about it, they just tell me nothing is wrong and to live with it

 

[LastNightOfTheWorld]

no I don't have pain but I can barely hold anything in my bladder and I have a condition that causes me to urinate more than usual so it's just a bunch of bad stuff combined and no doctors seem to give a shit about it, they just tell me nothing is wrong and to live with it

I see, that sounds miserable, sorry to hear you're experiencing that. Misery loves company. My tinnitus is super annoying today. High pitched and loud.

 

[mojabaka]

Same for me. Life is just not worth living like that.

 

[The Abyss]

I have osteoarthritis and fibromyalgia.

Hi, I could go look it up but would prefer to hear it in the words of someone going through it. What are your symptoms, what are you going through? I'm having extreme arm pain that's getting worse over time & affecting more areas to boot. Wrist/hand then elbow, forearm, shoulder & now it's creeping into the other arm, waiting to see specialists & there are so many problems with similar signs that it's hard to figure put what the condition is.

 

[jupiterwinds]

When an animal is sick and suffering, it's considered merciful to euthanize it. I wish this same mercy was offered to people.

4 years ago, I was diagnosed with interstitial cystitis and endometriosis, and I have been in 24/7 horrific pain ever since. At the time of my diagnosis, I had just graduated college, moved to a new state, started a new job, and was generally excited about life. Being diagnosed with an incurable disease was traumatic, but I swore to never give up until I found relief. I saw over a dozen doctors and went through countless traumatic treatments. Every. Single. Treatment. Failed.

Now, I live on survival mode. I wake up, work, eat, exercise, sleep. Every moment is overshadowed by my pain. I don't want to die, but I've realized it's my only escape from this never-ending pain. The thought of suicide feels comforting to me now.

The only problem is, I don't know how. I know there's ample resources here, but I'm in too much pain and have too little mental energy to go through them yet—it's overwhelming. I'm scared of messing up and leaving myself with even more health problems, but in the meantime, I'm looking forward to getting to know this community.

I also have IC and endo (along with a bunch of other conditions probably all connected to EDS, which I was just diagnosed with finally last year). Have also tried so many treatments, so much trauma, one even caused a new condition. Also comforted by the thought of suicide. Just wanted to say hi and feel free to connect. It's hard to find people who get it and don't just try to give me unsolicited advice or toxic positivity. They have no idea what it's like.

 

[Tav]

HI that seems really bad, I relate

Have you tried LDN? I Heard about an surgery that in case of extreme pain it cuts the pain nerves in the brain .

 

[WhiteGown]

I also have IC and endo (along with a bunch of other conditions probably all connected to EDS, which I was just diagnosed with finally last year). Have also tried so many treatments, so much trauma, one even caused a new condition. Also comforted by the thought of suicide. Just wanted to say hi and feel free to connect. It's hard to find people who get it and don't just try to give me unsolicited advice or toxic positivity. They have no idea what it's like.

Sorry to hear of your conditions. I also have EDS and a host of other problems. My health issues are my reason for not wanting to be here