Venting I dont want to die, but i think i should

[FlankerSandwhich]

1St, a lot of people here have some really sad stories. I'm sorry, for what its worth. Life is cruel, but you made it this far at least, and I think you're incredible for that. My story isn't that meaningful in comparison, and I'm sorry for being such a fraud.

I am a bum. I sleep all day, have no job, am doing really poorly in my degree, and overall have no future. I don't think this alone is bad, many people struggle with life and that's okay. My problem is that, despite all my advantages in life, despite being pretty mentally well, despite having no problems at all, I chose to be a bum.

I have the ability to laugh and enjoy life, and even have family and friends that love me. But I wake up every day, and instead of finding a job, or studying, I lie in bed all day and do nothing. I'm constantly using up my parents money and time, always bringing my friends down cause I'm a bummer. I have every ability to be something, but I don't.

I don't think I should live, I don't deserve to. And its not like my life was going anywhere, so would it even matter? I don't want to hurt my loved ones anymore by being around, and this is the only way to do that. After all, isn't it common practice to dispose of industrial waste?

I'm sorry for posting this here, I know it's not really fitting given what everyone else goes through. And please don't be kind or show pity, I don't deserve it. I'm not a damsel in distress, I'm a bum. Please treat me accordingly.

 

[OnnanokoNiNaritai]

Look, ur a human, u deserve to be loved and to be cared about.
U can change who u are, suicide is a final solution for people in much worse conditions whit inreverseble problems.
Ur a bum but if u try hard enough u can change that.

Also something important to note, by your description that really looks like a case of depression. (staying in bed all day, having no motivation ect)
I highly recomend therapy, seriusly, it can and probably will change your life. Dont let depression ruin you, but confirm it whit a psychologist.
Much love, im here if u need to.

 

[StrangeAndDeath]

I believe that there is never a wrong reason for suicide or suicidal ideation. It is your life after all, So you are welcome here.

Your situation seems to me like disillusionment. I feel that is normal. All the constant struggle is pointless and not really worth the effort when you really look at it. It's just the way the world is. You seeing yourself as "choosing to be a bum" may be hurting your self esteem. Or rather might be a consequence of a low self esteem.

I have no advice for you in that regards. All I can say is that you are not industrial waste. You are a person that sounds like they are disillusioned with life. I also understand not wanting to drain the resources of your family. That's a fair outlook on life.


Ctb is your choice. But it sounds like you can be happy if some things change with your psyche. I hope you get whatever brings you comfort. Goodluck

Edit: You could also check the recovery sub. There could be people who know how to help you move forward

 

[FlankerSandwhich]

Thank you for the responses, I think I was having a bit of a moment there. I feel a bit better now, thank you. <3

 

[Dot]

1St, a lot of people here have some really sad stories. I'm sorry, for what its worth. Life is cruel, but you made it this far at least, and I think you're incredible for that. My story isn't that meaningful in comparison, and I'm sorry for being such a fraud.

I am a bum. I sleep all day, have no job, am doing really poorly in my degree, and overall have no future. I don't think this alone is bad, many people struggle with life and that's okay. My problem is that, despite all my advantages in life, despite being pretty mentally well, despite having no problems at all, I chose to be a bum.

I have the ability to laugh and enjoy life, and even have family and friends that love me. But I wake up every day, and instead of finding a job, or studying, I lie in bed all day and do nothing. I'm constantly using up my parents money and time, always bringing my friends down cause I'm a bummer. I have every ability to be something, but I don't.

I don't think I should live, I don't deserve to. And its not like my life was going anywhere, so would it even matter? I don't want to hurt my loved ones anymore by being around, and this is the only way to do that. After all, isn't it common practice to dispose of industrial waste?

I'm sorry for posting this here, I know it's not really fitting given what everyone else goes through. And please don't be kind or show pity, I don't deserve it. I'm not a damsel in distress, I'm a bum. Please treat me accordingly.

1 of th/ bg argmnts tht suicde prevntn ppl us = tht thngs cn chnge fr mny ppl - includng ur emotns in genrl

Cld b in 3 wks or cld b in 5-10 yrs bt thre = spce fr chnge

If u d/ nt wn2 di thn slf cn sy wth reasnble confndnce tht ur famly & frnds wld prefr fr u 2 b arnd & kp tht opprtunty fr chnge opn

 

[FlankerSandwhich]

1 of th/ bg argmnts tht suicde prevntn ppl us = tht thngs cn chnge fr mny ppl - includng ur emotns in genrl

Cld b in 3 wks or cld b in 5-10 yrs bt thre = spce fr chnge

If u d/ nt wn2 di thn slf cn sy wth reasnble confndnce tht ur famly & frnds wld prefr fr u 2 b arnd & kp tht opprtunty fr chnge opn

I suppose that's true, but I still feel like I should die. Even if things get better, I'll always know how bad of a person I am. Its not about what I want, or how I feel, wouldn't dying just be more responsible? What am I meant to do with those feelings, how am I meant to justify my own existence?

 

[Dot]

I suppose that's true, but I still feel like I should die. Even if things get better, I'll always know how bad of a person I am. Its not about what I want, or how I feel, wouldn't dying just be more responsible? What am I meant to do with those feelings, how am I meant to justify my own existence?

Wht mkes u a bd persn

B-ing 'bum' ds nt mke u bd persn

 

[FlankerSandwhich]

Wht mkes u a bd persn

B-ing 'bum' ds nt mke u bd persn

I guess its just because I know what I should be capable of, and I know how much work and effort other people have put in for my sake. The fact that I can't even be bothered to put in any work myself is terrible. And just being around people, I bring them down. I don't want to be around people and make them feel worse. I don't want to use up my parents time or money anymore. I don't deserve to be around.

I don't know if that's a stupid reason or not, but I guess that's just how I feel. And I know that I have no reason to feel like that, which makes me want to ctb even more. I'm so stupid

 

[Dot]

I guess its just because I know what I should be capable of, and I know how much work and effort other people have put in for my sake. The fact that I can't even be bothered to put in any work myself is terrible. And just being around people, I bring them down. I don't want to be around people and make them feel worse. I don't want to use up my parents time or money anymore. I don't deserve to be around.

I don't know if that's a stupid reason or not, but I guess that's just how I feel. And I know that I have no reason to feel like that, which makes me want to ctb even more. I'm so stupid

If u r feelng tht wy thn u hve a reasn 2 b feelng tht wy - thse feelngs d/ nt cme frm nowhre

Jst lke if u r lyng in bd all dy thn thre wll b a reasn fr tht also - mst 'helthy' ppl wld nt physclly b abl 2 d/ tht s/ agn thre mst b a reasn whthr = deprssn or smethng els

Also cn imgne = dffclt puttng effrt in2 urslf if u d/ nt thnk 2 b-gin wth tht u r wrth tht effrt