Venting I don’t want to die but I have no place here. It doesn’t feel fair.

[Summer1899]

I get it: Life isn't fair.

I'm certain that others have it worse. I know I should be appreciative. And to a degree I am, really.

But God I wish I could give my life to someone who's terminally ill and wants to live, or someone who was murdered needlessly, or someone who died in a freak accident and wasn't ready to go. It doesn't feel fair that I'm here, and they're not.

This martyrdom does nothing, understandably, but it's absurd.

I'm too stupid to be alive. I can write, read and speak, but I've very little common sense. I'm naïve. I'm callous and rude at times, whenever I'm just generally fed up. I hate that about myself. I'm indecisive and riddled with mental health issues — like a pet riddled with fleas. That's all I am at the end of the day. A dog on the floor.

I did poorly in school. (I've ADHD.) I was bullied at the age of seventeen at my first workplace and now I'm scared to return. I'm afraid of abandonment.

And yet, I don't want to go. I enjoy sunsets and laughing at silly jokes. I love food so fucking much. I love shiny things (magpie, right?). I love music. I love art. I love creating, be it a story or a picture. I love rain. I love the idea of travelling. I love the idea of helping others.

And yet, I'm not made for this world. And it's sucks. I don't want to go but I know I'm no better off staying here, where I simply cannot cater to such a money driven system.

I can't do it.

 

[stermc]

It's sad the way society has already chosen its winners. And I know how it feels to be left out of this. The only thing I do is challenge society. If it wants to fuck with me, I am going to fuck with it. Till the end.

 

[manocsak]

No, it's not fair, and never will be. All you can do is deal with the cards you got dealt with.

I got these feelings too, not made to this world, I'm not discipline enough.
My potential will be written on my tombstone.

You sound like a gentle soul, and that good enough. There are so many people look for how to step on each other to get ahead in a rigged game, meanwhile they will never see thought the rat race they are in!

My advice: Compare yourself to who You were yesterday, not to who Someone else is Today

 

[wr3ck3d]

Maybe you haven't found your "destiny". If you are not ready to go, but you feel you're not worth a lot in other people's eyes, then focus on what you love, until the end. Nowadays there are ways to show your work to people without them ever knowing anything about you, you should take advantage of that (that is, if you want to share your art). Of course, bad people will come to you regardless of what you do, so you should ignore any criticism unless it's helpful in some way.

A long time ago, when I was even more suicidal than now, I thought a few times what would keep me alive, even if it's something small. Ice cream was at the top of my list, so I went to buy ice cream.
All I'm trying to say, I guess, is to take advantage of the things you enjoy, as much as you can

 

[FuneralCry]

I certainly think that it's true that some people are not meant for existing, at least that's the way that I've always seen things. Of course there could never be anything fair about existing in a world where chance so cruelly determines everything, and where existing beings suffer all through no fault of their own