I don't want to die but i don't want to live like this either

[bygone]

It's amazing how quickly the days pass when each day is spent counting the hours until it ends. Days blend into weeks blend into years, years now that I've been suffering from this incurable, barely treatable medical condition caused by a surgery I should have never had. No one wants to be maimed, unable to bear to be awake during the day while unable to sleep at night. When I can manage a fitful night of medication-induced sleep, dreams are my escape, my temporary respite from this wretched reality. Death would have been a kindness rather than to be forced to soldier-on in solitude without benefit of an expiration date. I've become withdrawn to the point that I cannot stand social interactions; I've lost all sense of what it is to be normal, happy. My motions are choreographed, rehearsed. My facade is showing cracks; I cannot go on much longer.

 

[chronicpainnomore]

I'm curious, what kind of surgery was it? Did you ever get pain medication that helped with it? Did they recently take yours away? That's what happened to me.

 

[bygone]

A septoplasty and turbinectomy, causing Empty Nose Syndrome. No, I don't take any pain medication. It makes me feel as though I'm suffocating, unable to take a satisfying breath. It waxes and wanes throughout the day but never goes away. It's dehibitilitating.

 

[chronicpainnomore]

I'm so sorry. I know what it feels like to have submitted to a surgery only to regret having it. I hope you're able to find the peace you're looking for.