Discussion I don't want to chicken out !

[ixkitty]

I have my blended DMSO/SN right here. I'm deep breathing and watching anime hoping to take that step. Just chug it and call it a day. I'm so beyond ready. I feel more sane than earlier. I just stuck my finger in it.. Oh.. Disgusting..

 

[us_1999]

If you decide to take that step, then wish you a peaceful journey... We'll all meet you there, someday, in emptiness, when we all become part of it.
Otherwise, if you still wish to stay a bit longer, if there's still something you want to try out, please do.
Do you feel calm now or feeling intense?

 

[Lady black]

Sad yesterday it looked like you are doing a bit better. But if you want to do that, I wish you a peafecul death and eternal peace

 

[ixkitty]

If you decide to take that step, then wish you a peaceful journey... We'll all meet you there, someday, in emptiness, when we all become part of it.
Otherwise, if you still wish to stay a bit longer, if there's still something you want to try out, please do.
Do you feel calm now or feeling intense?

I'm quite calm. I'd like to consider staying longer but my job takes up almost all of my free time now a days... I'm a United States Postal Worker.

Sad yesterday it looked like you are doing a bit better. But if you want to do that, I wish you a peafecul death and eternal peace

Thank you very much !

 

[Lady black]

Would you like to tell why you need to do it now?

 

[ixkitty]

Would you like to tell why you need to do it now?

Well I'm calmer than I was earlier. My real reason for wanting to CTB is due to my inability to cope with the world as it is. Yes my mother is a small part, but it's not the only reason. I'm honestly and truthfully tired of everyday being a struggle to manage the smile I've worked on for years. I live from day to day as a person living in fear of taking different steps in life. i.e. I fear making a decision that would make someone else upset. Some people say I'm extremely nice - but they don't know how often I'm hurt because ofit. There are times I wonder if I'm born in a slightly different era. In a world where I'm so nice surrounded by cruelty. ... I hope some of it makes sense.. I already made the mixture earlier and I wanted to make sure I'm in my right mind instead of impulsing it.

 

[Lady black]

I totally understand that. Sounds like you are just too good for this world full of hate and assholes. Wish I could help you out of your misery

 

[ixkitty]

I totally understand that. Sounds like you are just too good for this world full of hate and assholes. Wish I could help you out of your misery

I wish also - I hate being alone but I suppose it's what I have to do.

 

[booray]

Yes ixkitty, I second that emotion. You are too good for this cruel world. I feel your pain and it's distressing me that I really don't know what I can say to ameliorate it.
You don't have to do anything if you're unsure.
You don't have to do anything if you're unsure.

 

[ixkitty]

Yes ixkitty, I second that emotion. You are too good for this cruel world. I feel your pain and it's distressing me that I really don't know what I can say to ameliorate it.

Please don't distress about it! It's such a struggle and I know the burden!

 

[Lady black]

I think as the good person you are, you don't have to be alone. Just give it a second thought

 

[ixkitty]

I think as the good person you are, you don't have to be alone. Just give it a second thought

A Second thought? Are you asking I Consider waiting a bit longer ?

 

[booray]

I'm relatively new to this site and this is the first time I am talking to someone who wants to say goodbye. I'm not sure what to say. I don't know if it's possible for me to say anything that will make you want to stay. I couldn't sleep because all I can think about is leaving this world myself.

 

[Lady black]

I would never keep you from doi G it, but if you just need someone at your side that cares for you, I'm sure you will find someone

 

[ixkitty]

I'm relatively new to this site and this is the first time I am talking to someone who wants to say goodbye. I'm not sure what to say. I don't know if it's possible for me to say anything that will make you want to stay. I couldn't sleep because all I can think about is leaving this world myself.

Well fellow Human. This place is absolutely wonderful to find a wonderous feeling to live or hang out with your final goodbyes :)

I would never keep you from doi G it, but if you just need someone at your side that cares for you, I'm sure you will find someone

It sounds more fantasy than realistic honestly. But also who'd want me as an unstable creature of darkness.

 

[Lady black]

I don't think that there is nobody that likes you. A nice creature of darkness is better than a stupid living Barbie with no character. I think you are too hard to yourself

 

[booray]

Thank you. I know that already. That's why I spend a lot of time here. I can't leave just yet because I have to get my affairs in order so that my ctb is less of a burden on my family. Are you sure that you're ready to do this now? I won't stop you if you are, but just wanted to make sure that you are at peace with whatever decision you make tonight.

 

[ixkitty]

I don't think that there is nobody that likes you. A nice creature of darkness is better than a stupid living Barbie with no character. I think you are too hard to yourself

You are so sweet. <3

Thank you. I know that already. That's why I spend a lot of time here. I can't leave just yet because I have to get my affairs in order so that my ctb is less of a burden on my family. Are you sure that you're ready to do this now? I won't stop you if you are, but just wanted to make sure that you are at peace with whatever decision you make tonight.

HOnestly, I'm content with the decision but my anxiety is the only thing that has me hesitating.

 

[Lady black]

You are also sweet so take care of you, whatever you do

 

[untimelydemise]

sending strength if needed to finish the task but only if your 100% sure. for anxiety play music or something yiu like to distract

 

[booray]

I struggle with anxiety as well, so I understand completely. I know that it will be as difficult for me when I'm ready to go.
I'll stay here with you for as long as you need me to, whichever way you decide to go.
Are you still there ixkitty? I'm here to hold your hand, if only virtually. It's ok whatever you decide to do.

 

[booray]

I guess ixkitty is gone. RIP

 

[x~Sophia~x]

I guess ixkitty is gone. RIP

Last seen 10 minutes ago.
Are you OK kitty?

 

[ixkitty]

Last seen 10 minutes ago.
Are you OK kitty?

I'm doing the night night method , the SN was too terrible to maintain and keep down

 

[x~Sophia~x]

I'm doing the night night method , the SN was too terrible to maintain and keep down
View attachment 60690

I'm so sorry :(

 

[ixkitty]

So I'm getting myself ready. One step, crank. And I'll be peacefully gone. But I guess while I wait for the alcohol to kick on and hopefully I do this.

My life has always been ran by fear and I'm hoping my fear doesn't ruin this again! You wouldn't believe how many times I sit and try to will myself to move forward with the step. I'm gonna play music and work on my anxiety and come to terms with this as my end. I'd like to best fear instead of fear beating me as it does often. I hope to not fail again.
Let me breathe and gather myself ♡ I will try to post all the way till I do the deed.

P.s. I'm gonna try to control the alcohol so I don't pass out like I did last night......

I'm so sorry :(

That is quite alright
....my alcoholic brain started lookonfon tiktok........ but I'm almost drunk enough to not be anxious
The next step is scary. Regardless of the alcohol. Anxiety is back. I don't want to fail again. Literally in a war with myself.

 

[ixkitty]

And somehow like 4 people call me in the short time... I need to start my process over now because they ruined it with mundane things. *insert eye roll here*

 

[x~Sophia~x]

I just ask you to be sure this is what you really want, it's so FINAL @ixkitty :(

 

[ixkitty]

I feel like a failing potato! These damn things are too big for my neck ! ..... UGHHHHHH! Y'ALL.....

I just ask you to be sure this is what you really want, it's so FINAL @ixkitty :(

I feel like I'm being thwarted. Like honestly, I can't survive in this world. You know? Living isn't really an option. It sucks honestly

 

[Bedrock48]

I don't know if you believe in that stuff but it might be a sign it's not quite your time. From the phonecalls to the method issues. I hope you're ok, I wish I had some good words to comfort you right now.