I Dont Want to be a Story

[StrawberryRed]

The way people talk about those who committed has always been a deterrent from doing so. It's kind of dehumanizing, turning a person into just the worst months/parts of their life. I guess this happens w all deaths but it's a more prominent w suicides. It's all I'll be known as. Nobody will care about anything else ive done. When people think of me that's the first thing that'll come to them. Especially for someone as mediocre as me that's the only thing people will have to talk about at all. I dont want to be a a story or life lesson or precautionary tale told at anti-suicide seminars. (Especially as a uni student yk). 10 yrs from now I dont want people to only remember my name at mandatory meetings and when watching late-night PSAs. Positively or negatively. I would rather just be completely forgotten instead. Or when people frame a loved ones death( again especially suicides) as a necessary eye opening pivot point in their life. Decades of living and years of pain just to become a climax- a bump in the road even-in someone else's story. I alone dont get a nice resolution. I guess it wouldnt really affect me but it still bothers anyways. Do u worry about ur image after death?

 

[Sutter]

The way people talk about those who committed has always been a deterrent from doing so. It's kind of dehumanizing, turning a person into just the worst months/parts of their life. I guess this happens w all deaths but it's a more prominent w suicides. It's all I'll be known as. Nobody will care about anything else ive done. When people think of me that's the first thing that'll come to them. Especially for someone as mediocre as me that's the only thing people will have to talk about at all. I dont want to be a a story or life lesson or precautionary tale told at anti-suicide seminars. 10 yrs from now I dont want people to only remember my name at mandatory meetings and when watching late-night PSAs. Positively or negatively. I would rather just be completely forgotten instead. Or when people frame a loved ones death( again especially suicides) as a necessary eye opening pivot point in their life. Decades of living and years of pain just to become a climax- a bump in the road even-in someone else's story. I alone dont get a nice resolution. I guess it wouldnt really affect me but it still bothers anyways. Do u worry about ur image after death?

Smoke on the wind.

My cousin at 53 CTB this last October. I remember him as he was. His story isnt going to save anyone or damn them. He struggled and fought, fought long enough and laid down. I loved him, he is not a cautionary tale or a lauded hero, he just was and now is not.

There is no control of how others will respond, I could try but it is their response. I would be dead and as far as I know non existent. Im dead, my ego is dead, my essence is nothing more than a whisper of what I was in a few loved ones minds. I dont rightly give a dam about possible lies, coercion, drama, or the tears possibly shed by some 5 times removed acquaintance I barely knew. Only the living make an image, the dead just fade with time. In a mere 5 generations or less I will be forgotten from most of humanity, probably less time than that. The most lasting things I have shaped in this life that would be longer, run along the line of building a cairn in a remote spot on a rarely walked trail.

No I dont worry about my image after my death. While I am here though, I do enjoy a hot shower, a good shave, solid cup of coffee and a cursed pipe. If I am lucky may have a smorgasbord board of that tomorrow morning. Any image of my life after death would be akin to a Pollock, then just smoke on the wind.

 

[not-2-b-the-answer]

I only care about my family and how it will affect them. Then, the few friends I have.
Co-workers won't care and will probably be relieved to be rid of me.
I'm expendable.....

 

[TheHolySword]

I don't want to be remembered as a suicide. It's something I've struggled with for a long time. When you do this, it's all that you'll ever be again. People will look at your family differently. They'll speak with them differently. When you're mentioned, the sadness will be poignantly different than if it were a natural or accidental death. It is inevitable. We are all stories in the end. It's just not the tale that I want to be told.

 

[affirmatice]

None of this will matter if I'm dead.

But I'm alive so I guess it matters now… I think the things I worry about the most is that

people are probably always gonna say, why did he do it, he was ill, his life was so good, he had so much potential, yada yada. No. My issues are very real. I don't want to/cant bring myself to disclose them to anyone beyond my therapist but they are real and they have ruined my life. I hate that people will think I'm mentally sick when I'm not - I'm a normal person whose circumstances have given me more suffering than I can handle.

I don't want to be remembered as someone who was depressed, who was sick, who gave up. If only people could see how difficult this battle is they would understand how strong I am to have even pushed for this long

 

[ijustwishtodie]

All of us will be forgotten eventually anyway