I don’t want help I just want to go

[l0sing]

Hi, so I've not been active on here in over 2 years but here goes.

I went through a lot of trauma with having my children removed from me due to an incident caused by their father. I got my kids back and worked on things with their dad and we got back together but still living separately but working towards him coming home. For 2 years I did this, 2 years of supporting him through everything and showering him with all my love, devoting every ounce of myself to be mum and partner. While also struggling myself. I would get called every name under the sun and still carry on. My entire life was based around him. He gave me a promise ring a few months ago and promised we would be a proper family and I would never go through the trauma I did with my ex. I have serve body dysmorphia and be worshipped it for me, no matter how I looked at myself he always lifted me up. I had all the promises of I was the only one for him and only one he would ever want.

Then it came to him leaving. Leaving me, his child, his family. Leaving all the promises he gave. Leaving me a shell. Leaving me questioning everything ever said to me when 2 days later he was getting with someone while I'm at home looking after his child while trying to deal with the pain of losing my entire life.

Everyone says I can get through this but everyday all I can think of is I'm a failure.

This is a very wrapped up version of everything but with other things I've been through in the past I just can't go on anymore.

I do not want to be here anymore.

 

[chronicallybroken]

You're not a failure because somebody did you wrong. I know it's hard to see that through the grief. My situation is different to yours, but a major reason for me not wanting to be here anymore is heartbreak, so I'm right there with you

 

[l0sing]

You're not a failure because somebody did you wrong. I know it's hard to see that through the grief. My situation is different to yours, but a major reason for me not wanting to be here anymore is heartbreak, so I'm right there with you

Thank you for your kind words
I've had abusive relationships before, been cheated on, everything but this one was so different. The only person that's ever accepted me for me. But then I've become too much because my mental health makes me hide and push away. But I know I would of gotten better with time but he's given up on me and now my child has lost his future too.

 

[FuneralCry]

I cannot imagine how hard it is, what you are going through. Life is just too cruel. I hope that you find relief as none of us should ever have to endure such pain.

 

[l0sing]

I cannot imagine how hard it is, what you are going through. Life is just too cruel. I hope that you find relief as none of us should ever have to endure such pain.

Thank you
This is the worst pain I have ever felt

 

[TheLastK]

Wow I can't even begin to imagine how tough that is, I really do hope everything works out for you and your children without having to ctb. We all deserve a real shot at love but the world can truly be a cruel place.

 

[l0sing]

Wow I can't even begin to imagine how tough that is, I really do hope everything works out for you and your children without having to ctb. We all deserve a real shot at love but the world can truly be a cruel place.

It's just when you mix in all past pain as well and something like this happens to bring it all back to the surface my mind only goes to one place.

 

[TheLastK]

It's just when you mix in all past pain as well and something like this happens to bring it all back to the surface my mind only goes to one place.

Believe me I can completely understand that, my mind always goes to ctb with most situations. It's hard to even comprehend what life without thinking about it would be like. It's like the wounds just build up and up until there is nothing left anymore. That's what it is like for me anyway. I'm not a parent myself so I can't understand the full extent of what you're going through, but I really do hope everything works out for you. Definitely one of the most heartbreaking stories I've seen on this forum, much love.

 

[Sick&TiredURGH]

Sounds like you were having a relationship with a narcissist. I highly recommend this blog to help getting your head around his behaviour.

HG Tudor - Knowing The Narcissist - The World's No.1 Resource About Narcissism

Know everything about narcissists from the world's no.1 source. A narcissist himself.

narcsite.com

 

[l0sing]

Believe me I can completely understand that, my mind always goes to ctb with most situations. It's hard to even comprehend what life without thinking about it would be like. It's like the wounds just build up and up until there is nothing left anymore. That's what it is like for me anyway. I'm not a parent myself so I can't understand the full extent of what you're going through, but I really do hope everything works out for you. Definitely one of the most heartbreaking stories I've seen on this forum, much love.

That's exactly what it's like, you described it perfectly. Thank you for your kind words

Sounds like you were having a relationship with a narcissist. I highly recommend this blog to help getting your head around his behaviour.

HG Tudor - Knowing The Narcissist - The World's No.1 Resource About Narcissism

Know everything about narcissists from the world's no.1 source. A narcissist himself.

narcsite.com

I will definitely give that a read, thank you