Venting I don't want help anymore

[Save_Me_Mind]

I don't want help anymore, no one out there can truly help me, been living this life for 19 years and still can't feel a damn thing... I realize today, that I am an extremely
sensitive person... However it contradicts itself, I am the type of person who is extremely desensitized, I see someone shot right in front of me, or see others end there own life and it means nothing to me, it's cruel and sad, but I just see that as life. I don't even know why I said sad when I can't even feel that... I'm just always soulless, numb, I have no feelings, dead inside all the time. However, while the words said by others don't effect me, there actions do effect me. The fact that I try so hard while others wont shed a drop of kindness for myself, I still haven't seen that in this world, I can't feel it. Perhaps my standards is too hard. But I just want to be loved, I want to feel loved, I just want to feel Joy in life. So why... why does this always happen. Why is everyone else so lucky going, can feel emotions, can feel love, are attractive, don't have true resolve to die.... How am I from the same species as these people, yet I don't receive the same benefits? I am sensitive because I want to be loved yet it will never truly happen, I am cursed in this world. So I wonder everyday forward until I find that "Love"... Struggle everyday for an "if" or a "maybe"... Will I find a true friend out there? Most likely not, let alone find True Love...

 

[Some place nice]

I

I don't want help anymore, no one out there can truly help me, been living this life for 19 years and still can't feel a damn thing... I realize today, that I am an extremely
sensitive person... However it contradicts itself, I am the type of person who is extremely desensitized, I see someone shot right in front of me, or see others end there own life and it means nothing to me, it's cruel and sad, but I just see that as life. I don't even know why I said sad when I can't even feel that... I'm just always soulless, numb, I have no feelings, dead inside all the time. However, while the words said by others don't effect me, there actions do effect me. The fact that I try so hard while others wont shed a drop of kindness for myself, I still haven't seen that in this world, I can't feel it. Perhaps my standards is too hard. But I just want to be loved, I want to feel loved, I just want to feel Joy in life. So why... why does this always happen. Why is everyone else so lucky going, can feel emotions, can feel love, are attractive, don't have true resolve to die.... How am I from the same species as these people, yet I don't receive the same benefits? I am sensitive because I want to be loved yet it will never truly happen, I am cursed in this world. So I wonder everyday forward until I find that "Love"... Struggle everyday for an "if" or a "maybe"... Will I find a true friend out there? Most likely not, let alone find True Love...

I am the same way. I am a very emotional person but I cant show it. I have to fake it for my family so they think I'm "normal." I saw a girl break her ankle right in front of me in middle school and all I wanted to do was laugh. I couldn't obviously. I also feel you in the wanting to find true love part. I have never had someone love me, not even my family. You are not alone, I hope you know that.

 

[puella]

I know it won't fix the pain you've felt, but I love you. I'm sorry the world has been so unfair to you. You deserve to be cared about.