Venting I don't want anything

[kirillbledny]

It's really hard for people to comprehend that. If I say I don't want a job, they'll suggest different kinds of jobs, or going back into education so I could get better jobs, but the reason I don't want one is because nothing it'd bring me (money, living alone, going out, travelling, etc.) appeals to me. I don't wanna go out, I don't wanna make friends, I don't wanna look on the bright side and constantly try to convince myself to enjoy this existence.I wanna be dead, I wish I never existed so I didn't have to off myself, actually.

No one in my life actually gets this perspective on life. You can't medicate a philosophy, and I don't wanna go to therapy to try to make myself want these things, when I truly don't care about any of that at all.
Why does everyone have such a knee jerk reaction, wanting to change my mind? Why is it not okay to admit that life's not for everyone? And why is everyone's first reaction to frame such a worldview as inherently mentally ill?

It's so frustrating, I don't understand what they don't understand.

 

[amiami1129]

I don't get it either. The world is overpopulated anyways, a person or two dying doesn't really matter, life goes on. I know as I'm saying this there will be people who say, "oh your life matters, please stay, I'll grief your death". You can't just grief someone's death forever. You don't live their lives, never experienced what they experienced. It's hilarious because no one would ever say that when you're alive. It's just a matter of sympathy and hypocrisy, to be honest.
This is why I want people to make confessions in a funeral instead of giving these long, moralfagging scripts. Just confess what you did wrong to the deceased person because you never did when they were breathing. But it'll hurt their egos because no one wants to be humiliated by disclosing their silly little secrets.

 

[Hollowman]

Very relatable. The only thing I want is for my mom to not have to have me cremated. The day she dies I'm out of here.

 

[IHateTheBeach]

I like Nietzsche. He proposed that our reasoning stem from our emotions. Nothing is logical. We people just see the reality as how we desire it to be. He called the logic/philosophy that supports suicide as something originating from psychological sickness. He tells it's sick because it goes against the base instinct to live. Instincts are the only truth we are given with, instincts like aggression, lust, excitement, etc are the only things left if you take away everything society gave you. He might even say society is the one pushed you to suicide. Most misinterpret Nietzsche, so I may have some mistakes.
Do you want to change?
No
Do you want you to want to change?
If Yes
You can start by forgiving yourself. Sometimes the morals society pushed into our mind prevents us from changing. Most of us like this society's morality, which advocates against our betterment. One way to forgiveness is viewing life as string of lifes:
If I have to live 80 years, its all not lived by same person. Instead each moment is lived by someone whose life span is that of present moment. At each death his memory is passed to the person in the next moment:
Joe1 is birth, Joe1 memory of the moment is recorded, Joe1 dies.
Joe2 is birth with Joe1's memory, Joe2 memory of the moment is recorded, Joe2 dies.
Joe3 is birth with Joe1 and Joe2's memories...
By viewing life as this allows me forgive and love my future self since he is just an amazing guys with my memories who never committed anything bad. He deserves happiness for that very reason.

I am not sure whether this helped. But all the best whatever is your choice.

 

[fishperson]

the frustrating part is u have to defeat ur own instincts , which bores me to death. i cannot be assed doing anything , why death itself requires effort. why cant I just die. why do I have to motivate myself to ctb , why cant we choose to take available meds and die peacefully with. this whole timeline is so fucking boring , and the variables surrounding me arent helping , rather filling me with more dread. fucking boring

 

[3rdworldsadness]

I agree fully. I never had a good life, and have lost interest a while ago. It's feels like I'm only breathing and if I just stop it then I can be rest peacefully forever.

 

[Oxymorphone]

What you describe sounds like anhedonia. I have it myself and absolutely nothing in life interests me. Imagine having to go to work everyday, so you can afford a life you can't enjoy anyways...

I just want to have some kind of terminal disease, that way I could at least go with dignity.

 

[kirillbledny]

the frustrating part is u have to defeat ur own instincts , which bores me to death. i cannot be assed doing anything , why death itself requires effort. why cant I just die. why do I have to motivate myself to ctb , why cant we choose to take available meds and die peacefully with. this whole timeline is so fucking boring , and the variables surrounding me arent helping , rather filling me with more dread. fucking boring

It always annoyed me that other serious ailments kill you but with these kinds of thoughts, you have to actively do it yourself

What you describe sounds like anhedonia. I have it myself and absolutely nothing in life interests me. Imagine having to go to work everyday, so you can afford a life you can't enjoy anyways...

I just want to have some kind of terminal disease, that way I could at least go with dignity.

Yeah, I always wish that, because even if euthanasia isn't available in one's country, you can usually reject further treatment of said illness and they'll just treat your pain ie. dope you up on morphine until you die