I don’t wanna do it myself

[flutt3rshy]

I've been thinking about just trying to find a sick pervert to end me, because doing it myself seems too complicated. If you're a sick pervert who wants to end a 22yr olds life, let me know located in germany

 

[Kanau_Nano]

That sounds terrifying. Like I'd be happy to be killed too and i risk my life a lot so i get it, but what if you get tortured? There have been people kidnapped and locked up for many years. I truly hope you feel a little better today.

 

[PainWorseThanDeath]

As a survivor of gang rape and human trafficking, you have no idea what you're talking about.

There are fates worse than death, and I have lived them. I begged for death from the people that gang raped me, and trafficked me, while they burned me with meth pipes, and choked me out over and over again, laughing maniacally each time they did so, bc of my terror, begging not to be killed each time.

You need to really rethink what it is that you're saying.

 

[flutt3rshy]

As a survivor of gang rape and human trafficking, you have no idea what you're talking about.

There are fates worse than death, and I have lived them. I begged for death from the people that gang raped me, and trafficked me, while they burned me with meth pipes, and choked me out over and over again, laughing maniacally each time they did so, bc of my terror, begging not to be killed each time.

You need to really rethink what it is that you're saying.

I'm sorry you went through that, truly.
But I don't think I mentioned any of that in my post? I don't want torture.
My post was a simple vent, maybe I should've clarified.
I've been suicidal ever since I can remember but so far I've failed to kill myself. That's why this impulsive thought came to mind.
Sorry if I offended you. Sending much love.

 

[FrustratedMTFtrans]

I've been thinking about just trying to find a sick pervert to end me, because doing it myself seems too complicated. If you're a sick pervert who wants to end a 22yr olds life, let me know located in germany

I have been in contact with two perverted guys on a fetish website, who offer (1) Rape and killing and (2) BDSM with a preferred end by Dolcett-style impalement, both guys referring to doing it in real life (irl). But these two apparently promising guys both failed finally to commit themselves to doing it. I have heard about a third guy wanting to impale me apparently, but I cannot yet be sure whether he would deliver.

I had hopes of making a deal like that of 32-year old Sonia Exelby in the UK did with Dwain Hall. They had hooked up on the same website, resulting in Sonia telling the guy she wanted him to abuse, torture and kill her. She then flew to him in Florida in October 2025, he picked her up at the airport, took her to an Airbnb booked in her name. He fucked her twice there, once unprotected, beat her up and asked her several times in a video held by the police if she really wanted him to kill her, and how. She confirmed each time that she wanted him to kill him and to do it by stabbing her. He then stabbed her 4 times, she died and he buried her body nearby. She was already dead and buried when her return flight deaparted without her 3 days after arrival. So it was done and finished quite quickly.

She apparently had several other guys lined up, should Hall have not given her what she sought.

In this case, she explicitly wanted to be abused and tortured before being killed. I suppose it could be possible to get it done and quickly by just asking such a guy to kill, without the abuse and torture.

Of course, some perverts will not respect the deal by indeed raping, abusing anfang torturing the victim before killing, but at least the aim would be achieved. No pain, no gain, so to speak, just need to take the risk. Being held prisoner for years of rape and abuse, despite just wanting to be quickly killed, can also happen. But it still might be worth taking that risk.

I agree, doing CTB oneself is complicated, while getting killed seems easier, especially from the aspect of disposal being likely to be included, and the ability then to disappear without being seen again.

 

[flutt3rshy]

I have been in contact with two perverted guys on a fetish website, who offer (1) Rape and killing and (2) BDSM with a preferred end by Dolcett-style impalement, both guys referring to doing it in real life (irl). But these two apparently promising guys both failed finally to commit themselves to doing it. I have heard about a third guy wanting to impale me apparently, but I cannot yet be sure whether he would deliver.

I had hopes of making a deal like that of 32-year old Sonia Exelby in the UK did with Dwain Hall. They had hooked up on the same website, resulting in Sonia telling the guy she wanted him to abuse, torture and kill her. She then flew to him in Florida in October 2025, he picked her up at the airport, took her to an Airbnb booked in her name. He fucked her twice there, once unprotected, beat her up and asked her several times in a video held by the police if she really wanted him to kill her, and how. She confirmed each time that she wanted him to kill him and to do it by stabbing her. He then stabbed her 4 times, she died and he buried her body nearby. She was already dead and buried when her return flight deaparted without her 3 days after arrival. So it was done and finished quite quickly.

She apparently had several other guys lined up, should Hall have not given her what she sought.

In this case, she explicitly wanted to be abused and tortured before being killed. I suppose it could be possible to get it done and quickly by just asking such a guy to kill, without the abuse and torture.

Of course, some perverts will not respect the deal by indeed raping, abusing anfang torturing the victim before killing, but at least the aim would be achieved. No pain, no gain, so to speak, just need to take the risk. Being held prisoner for years of rape and abuse, despite just wanting to be quickly killed, can also happen. But it still might be worth taking that risk.

I agree, doing CTB oneself is complicated, while getting killed seems easier, especially from the aspect of disposal being likely to be included, and the ability then to disappear without being seen again.

Thanks for the insight.

Which fetish side are you on?

 

[FrustratedMTFtrans]

Thanks for the insight.
Which fetish side are you on?

Motherless.com
Are you also on that site?
I am discussing both suicide and getting killed options there with 3 other MTF transgirls. Most likely together, so there's some protection against potential kidnapping and violence and we can give each other confidence and encouragement to do it.

 

[flutt3rshy]

Motherless.com
Are you also on that site?
I am discussing both suicide and getting killed options there with 3 other MTF transgirls. Most likely together, so there's some protection against potential kidnapping and violence and we can give each other confidence and encouragement to do it.

Ah, I've heard of it.
I'm ftm trans. Let me know if you need a fourth lol
Thank you! <3

 

[PainWorseThanDeath]

This shit is really fucking sick.

You know that by doing this you endanger all trans women, right? Including the likes of me?

You embolden the sickest of men to do the most terrible things to our people.

As a survivor of that shit, I can't even put into words how loathsome you are.

It's one thing to want to end your own life, it's another thing to contribute to the sickest of humanity going out and doing it to others? seriously, go fuck yourselves.

 

[flutt3rshy]

This shit is really fucking sick.

You know that by doing this you endanger all trans women, right? Including the likes of me?

You embolden the sickest of men to do the most terrible things to our people.

As a survivor of that shit, I can't even put into words how loathsome you are.

It's one thing to want to end your own life, it's another thing to contribute to the sickest of humanity going out and doing it to others? seriously, go fuck yourselves.

I understand you're angry, but please just unwatch this thread?
Our feelings are just as real as yours.

 

[PainWorseThanDeath]

I understand you're angry, but please just unwatch this thread?
Our feelings are just as real as yours.

Your feelings aren't the issue. The risk you put us ALL in by contributing to the appetites of violent sexual predators is.

 

[iCryInMySecretSpot]

this is so risky and dangerous. someone willing to murder you is a very very sick man who will certainly torture and assault you. death from him might be mercy. he knows you are vunlerable and there is a very real chance you could be imprisoned in some basement for life. what, are you going to send your location to a friend, and tell her "im just going to this guys house to get murdered xoxo"? also, the death will likely be very violent as your survival instinct/potential regret might kick in, and there is a good chance he will ignore any so called "safe word"

be serious. you are certainly going to get some messages on this forum or elsewhere because there are a lot of sick fucks and rapists who would have no problem with torturing a 22 year old. this is so so so so dangerous STOP IT. delete this post, report to the admins of the forum if anyone messages you.

 

[flutt3rshy]

this is so risky and dangerous. someone willing to murder you is a very very sick man who will certainly torture and assault you. death from him might be mercy. he knows you are vunlerable and there is a very real chance you could be imprisoned in some basement for life. what, are you going to send your location to a friend, and tell her "im just going to this guys house to get murdered xoxo"? also, the death will likely be very violent as your survival instinct/potential regret might kick in, and there is a good chance he will ignore any so called "safe word"

be serious. you are certainly going to get some messages on this forum or elsewhere because there are a lot of sick fucks and rapists who would have no problem with torturing a 22 year old. this is so so so so dangerous STOP IT. delete this post, report to the admins of the forum if anyone messages you.

i was just trying to get my thoughts out to people who might understand. just leave me alone

 

[if_i_make_it]

That is really dangerous and scary, but I can completely empathize with your feelings and wanting to lift the burden of carrying out your own death.

 

[interna]

i believe everyone has a right to end their life however they see fit.
if your ideal going out is enduring assault and abuse in the name of dying, then so be it. no one should shame you for that, as taboo, dangerous, or enabling as it might be, which it is. if you want to become a victim no one can stop you.

 

[iCryInMySecretSpot]

i was just trying to get my thoughts out to people who might understand. just leave me alone

i get youre venting, and you are in a lot of pain, but this is so serious that i couldnt offer support.

sorry. i was mean. but you are drastically underestimating the risk. FFS you are asking here for someone to message you and adding your location. YOU HAVE TO KNOW you are risking decades of torture and rape. i am not going to add a "hug" emoji to a 22 year old saying he is looking for a sick fuck to murder him. i will leave your post now, but dont even entertain this idea in any way shape or form.

 

[flutt3rshy]

i get youre venting, and you are in a lot of pain, but this is so serious that i couldnt offer support.

sorry. i was mean. but you are drastically underestimating the risk. FFS you are asking here for someone to message you and adding your location. YOU HAVE TO KNOW you are risking decades of torture and rape. i am not going to add a "hug" emoji to a 22 year old saying he is looking for a sick fuck to murder him. i will leave your post now, but dont even entertain this idea in any way shape or form.

I would delete my thread if i figured out how. thanks for your concern though

 

[FrustratedMTFtrans]

Ah, I've heard of it.
I'm ftm trans. Let me know if you need a fourth lol

You are welcome as a second, third or fourth, depending on how many of us we can get together in one place at the same time to CTB together.